Thank you so much for liking it. ^^ Actually, I didn't get the title from Natalie, I got it from the song "We Run LA" by Yer Boy. I hope you'll continue reading my story; thank you. ^^
Thank you very much for your tips and comments. I'll be sure to put them to good use. Here are some answers to your questions:
My OC characters are far from Mary-Sues. I apologize if you got that impression. In later chapters, you'll see why. Song has different elements for a reason. Don't worry, I wouldn't dream of going overboard, no offense.
L.A., the dub names, and the missing characters are all connected. It's L.A. so I thus gave them the English names. As for Ryou and Keiichiro, their English names didn't fit the Japanese suffixes, so I kept their Japanese names. As to the missing characters, Pai and Tart are in my story, they just haven't made an appearence yet. Song takes Ichigo's place as the leader, and Masaya and Berry just don't exist I guess. (I hope that doesn't get me flamed.)
I keep the personality of the already existing characters close to heart when I write; don't worry. ^^
Arigato for reading all this, I'll remember what you said.
~Song-chan
Last edited by DarkSong at 11:00:32 AM EDT on July 30, 2009.
Neko Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 07/27/09 | Reply
I like the story so far..... But....I have a few suggestions....I'm not trying to be mean I promise! These are merely suggestions to help you improve your story and characters.
Your characters are kinda Mary-sues... I have no other word to describ them...
I know you love having a bunch of elements from a bunch of different shows/ movie/ books, but it's too much for one character. If you want a girl who was saved by Dracula and his friends...That could be a whole new character. You need to pick one element out for your character. She can't have twenty different things that make her special. She's the long lost Uchiha? Fine, but you can't go adding more special things to her.
Don't take that the wrong way. I used to be just like you. I had a character that was a mew, and was a wizard(harry potter) and she was married to Itachi. lol I was flammed on this one website for it and I don't want that to happen to you.
I like the whole evil twin thing and I love the idea of a Naruto/Mew crossover.
There are a few confusing things...
I don't understand why you use the Mew Mew Power names for Lettuce, Mint, Pudding and Zakuro, but don't for Ryou and Keiichiro.
I don't understand why the story is in L.A. because you really don't mention it all that much....and ...both Naruto and Tokyo Mew Mew take place in Japan....This wouldn't bother me if you explained it.
Last, where are Ichigo, Masaya, Berry and the other two aliens? If you're not going to include them...can you atleast explain what happened to them???
One last tip..... Remember how the character act in the real stories. Don't change their personality to fit your story... Really strict fangirls hate that.
....I'm nit picking now... I'm sorry for wasting your time....
Good story line and plot so far.
~Chero~
Lol. I hope you enjoy the story too. Yeah, it is ur avie. I chose it bacause it was the closest I came to finding an anime girl resembling me. ^_^;;
~Song-chan
DarkSong
Otaku Legend | Posted 03/03/10 | Reply
@Sakura901:
Thank you for your compliments. ^^ Have fun reading. ~_^
Last edited by DarkSong at 7:39:25 PM EST on March 3, 2010.
Sakura901
Otakuite | Posted 03/03/10 | Reply
I really like your storie I will keep reading until I fall asleep tonight!
DarkSong
Otaku Legend | Posted 02/13/10 | Reply
@bookwurmmy1995:
Thank you so much for liking it. ^^ Actually, I didn't get the title from Natalie, I got it from the song "We Run LA" by Yer Boy. I hope you'll continue reading my story; thank you. ^^
bookwurmmy1995
Otakuite | Posted 02/10/10 | Reply
It cool. i like it. Did you get the title from Natalie from the bad girls club?
DarkSong
Otaku Legend | Posted 08/12/09 | Reply
@:
Thank you; I will. ^^
~Song-chan
MewChero
Neko Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 07/29/09 | Reply
@DarkSong:
Ok. Thanks from clearing those things up. I really do look forward to reading more of your story.
~Chero~
Last edited by MewChero at 8:51:10 AM EDT on July 29, 2009.
DarkSong
Otaku Legend | Posted 07/28/09 | Reply
@MewChero:
Thank you very much for your tips and comments. I'll be sure to put them to good use. Here are some answers to your questions:
My OC characters are far from Mary-Sues. I apologize if you got that impression. In later chapters, you'll see why. Song has different elements for a reason. Don't worry, I wouldn't dream of going overboard, no offense.
L.A., the dub names, and the missing characters are all connected. It's L.A. so I thus gave them the English names. As for Ryou and Keiichiro, their English names didn't fit the Japanese suffixes, so I kept their Japanese names. As to the missing characters, Pai and Tart are in my story, they just haven't made an appearence yet. Song takes Ichigo's place as the leader, and Masaya and Berry just don't exist I guess. (I hope that doesn't get me flamed.)
I keep the personality of the already existing characters close to heart when I write; don't worry. ^^
Arigato for reading all this, I'll remember what you said.
~Song-chan
Last edited by DarkSong at 11:00:32 AM EDT on July 30, 2009.
MewChero
Neko Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 07/27/09 | Reply
I like the story so far..... But....I have a few suggestions....I'm not trying to be mean I promise! These are merely suggestions to help you improve your story and characters.
Your characters are kinda Mary-sues... I have no other word to describ them...
I know you love having a bunch of elements from a bunch of different shows/ movie/ books, but it's too much for one character. If you want a girl who was saved by Dracula and his friends...That could be a whole new character. You need to pick one element out for your character. She can't have twenty different things that make her special. She's the long lost Uchiha? Fine, but you can't go adding more special things to her.
Don't take that the wrong way. I used to be just like you. I had a character that was a mew, and was a wizard(harry potter) and she was married to Itachi. lol I was flammed on this one website for it and I don't want that to happen to you.
I like the whole evil twin thing and I love the idea of a Naruto/Mew crossover.
There are a few confusing things...
I don't understand why you use the Mew Mew Power names for Lettuce, Mint, Pudding and Zakuro, but don't for Ryou and Keiichiro.
I don't understand why the story is in L.A. because you really don't mention it all that much....and ...both Naruto and Tokyo Mew Mew take place in Japan....This wouldn't bother me if you explained it.
Last, where are Ichigo, Masaya, Berry and the other two aliens? If you're not going to include them...can you atleast explain what happened to them???
One last tip..... Remember how the character act in the real stories. Don't change their personality to fit your story... Really strict fangirls hate that.
....I'm nit picking now... I'm sorry for wasting your time....
Good story line and plot so far.
~Chero~
DarkSong
Otaku Legend | Posted 06/27/09 | Reply
@:
Lol. I hope you enjoy the story too. Yeah, it is ur avie. I chose it bacause it was the closest I came to finding an anime girl resembling me. ^_^;;
~Song-chan
sasusaku 4ever
Guru's Chosen | Posted 06/23/09 | Reply
ur new world is great :)