Chapter Seven: Accelerando, Baby

Sephiroth could only scowl in annoyance at the sight he was met with. “Obviously not,” he ground out, trying very hard to keep his temper in check. He was beginning to wonder if he'd royally pissed off some goddess and was now being tortuously punished for his misdeeds. There was no way all of the things that had happened already, plus this, could simply be coincidence. His arms crossed over his chest, an effort to keep his fisted hands from lashing out.

“Who—oh, Zack,” said Angeal, his face appearing just over Sephiroth's shoulder. “And Cloud, right? Nice to meet you.” He gave him a genial smile.

Cloud, who had folded his arms tightly against his chest and taken to glaring at the doorframe, quickly glanced over to Angeal, giving him a tense nod of acknowledgment. Beside him, Zack grinned and waved hello to his friend.

“'Geal! There ya are. For a second, I thought I had the wrong house,” he joked with a laugh.

Angeal shook his head. “Of course not. Come inside,” he said, pushing lightly at Sephiroth's arm. “Don't mind Captain Stuffypants over here.”

Sephiroth stiffened at the use of the childish nickname. “That's General Stuffypants to you, Angeal,” he retorted quickly, stepping back into the house to allow Zack and Cloud inside. Zack wasted no time in making himself at home, throwing himself onto the couch, while Cloud lingered near the door.

“Please, have a seat,” Angeal said, motioning towards Zack. “The puppy has the right idea. I'll get some drinks.” Cloud nodded and made his way over to the couch, sitting stiffly in the corner.

“Let me help you,” Sephiroth added, hurrying to follow Angeal into the kitchen. Angeal only raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

As soon as Angeal and Sephiroth disappeared around the corner into the kitchen, Cloud turned on Zack. “What the fuck,” he hissed angrily, his eyes pools of burning blue fire, “is going on?”

Zack's eyes grew wide in innocence and—he wouldn't deny it—a fair amount of fear. “I swear on Aerith's life, Cloud, I did not know he was going to be here,” he said as sincerely as he possibly could.

“You didn't know? You didn't know?” Cloud hissed, grabbing hold of Zack's shoulders and shaking firmly. “You didn't know? Zack, what the fuck?”

Zack shut his eyes and winced. “Do you mind? You're making me sick,” he said mildly, pushing back at Cloud, who quickly knocked Zack's hand away. Cloud retracted his arms, crossing them sternly over his chest.

“This had better not be another one of your plans,” Cloud growled.

Zack shook his head, eyes wide. “It's not,” he pleaded, scratching at the back of his head. “But I almost wish it was. I mean, it's genius! Best friend is depressed over date gone wrong, convince best friend to go to random mutual friend's house, best friend's super-hot crush happens to be there at the same time—” He took in a sharp breath, voice filled with excitement and glee.

“Zack.”

Zack paused mid-sentence and glanced sheepishly at his friend. “Oh. Right,” he apologized, grinning weakly. “But, I mean, you could totally make the most of this, right? Make up for...you know.”

Cloud stared hard at Zack, but his anger was quickly giving way to despair again. He heaved a huge sigh and slumped over, resting his arms on his knees. “When the fuck did my life turn into such a shit-show?” he asked dolefully, his voice slightly muffled.

“Hmm, probably August 19, approximately 23 years ago,” Zack said offhandedly.

Cloud's head snapped up, and Zack only laughed at the angry pout that graced his features. “Relax,” he said, waving his hands in a gesture of peace, “I'm only joking. But seriously, this is your chance to put some moves on him! Go crazy!”

Cloud raised an eyebrow, and Zack quickly amended his statement. “Okay, maybe not crazy, but feel free to get creative,” he said wisely with a nod.

I'm ruined, thought Cloud as he dramatically slumped backwards onto the couch with a heavy sigh. “Why me?” he muttered, throwing his arm over his eyes.

“Why me? Of all people, what have I ever done to deserve this?” Sephiroth paced back and forth in the kitchen, taking about five or six steps across the small space before turning sharply on his heel.

Angeal chuckled lowly. “I can easily think of at least three things,” he commented, ticking them off on his fingers. “Jack Daniels, Halloween—”

Sephiroth spun and faced Angeal, thrusting an accusatory finger in his face.

“You,” he hissed, “this is all your fault. You called your little puppy over here and told him to bring Cloud the minute I asked you if I could stay, didn't you.” His eyes glittered dangerously at his best friend.

Angeal only raised an eyebrow. “Seph, I had no idea the kid was coming over,” he said calmly. “I think you're overreacting just a little bit.”

“Overreacting? I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation, Hewley,” Sephiroth said icily, folding his arms over his chest.

“What, a hot piece of ass just walked in the door and you're all out of condoms?” Angeal rolled his eyes as he rummaged through his refrigerator.

“He is not a hot piece of ass,” Sephiroth seethed.

Angeal snorted. “Then I think you need to reconsider this whole infatuation thing,” he retorted.

Sephiroth sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, trying to keep his temper in check. “You know exactly what I meant,” he grumbled, sitting himself down at the table. He crossed his arms on the table, laying his head down on the cool surface and staring silently at nothing in particular.

Angeal watched him curiously as he poured glasses of lemonade. “If he's that important to you, then why don't you just say something to him?” he questioned, and not for the first time.

“I've already told you, Angeal, I don't want to scare him away,” Sephiroth moaned. “And he's not even attracted to me. I'd be forcing myself on him, and I don't want to do that.” Suddenly he picked his head up from the table, one hand tangling in his hair as he looked to Angeal wildly.

“Look at me! I'm in sweatpants and a T-shirt, and my hair looks like a fucking bird's nest! Cloud's not attracted to me when I'm dressed like a sex god,” Sephiroth whined, “so how the hell do I stand a chance of attracting him like this?” He pulled at his hair in distress, a frown distorting all of his features.

Angeal barely refrained from laughing in amusement. “At the risk of this getting back to Genesis in some way or form, you could be wearing absolutely nothing and you would still look like a sex god,” he stated.

Sephiroth's expression cleared immediately. “Stop pointing out the obvious, Angeal, it's not like you,” he said smugly.

“So strip,” said Angeal with a chuckle. A glass in each hand, he motioned towards the other two glasses on the counter.

“And have the police called on me for indecent exposure? I think not,” scoffed Sephiroth as he picked up the glasses.

“I'm pretty sure it's not illegal if you're in your own home,” said Angeal thoughtfully.

“I know how badly you want me naked, Angeal, but it's not happening,” Sephiroth said sternly.

Angeal only shrugged, backing up towards the kitchen doorway. “I was just saying,” he said, stifling a laugh. “I thought he might appreciate the gesture.”

Sephiroth glared at the ground. “It's not funny,” he muttered. A sudden pout graced his lips. “And besides,” he said slowly, “I really am out of condoms.”

Angeal couldn't hold back his laughter he headed towards Zack and Cloud. Sephiroth only glared at his back as he followed Angeal from the kitchen around the corner into the den. He swallowed hard at the sight of Cloud splayed out over the couch, fighting against the blush forming on his cheeks.

“Yes! Angeal's famous lemonade,” Zack cried upon receiving his glass. His eyes lit up in excitement. “Please tell me it's hard,” he questioned.

Sephiroth snorted, and Cloud's head snapped up to glare at Zack, who only shrugged innocently. Angeal laughed, trying to ease the tension he could feel rolling off Sephiroth's body. “No, Zack, it's barely even noon,” he answered, much to the brunet's chagrin. Beside him, Cloud muttered a thank you to Sephiroth, who'd wordlessly handed him a glass. Just behind Sephiroth, Angeal raised an eyebrow at Zack at the chilly interaction, and Zack only rolled his eyes in annoyance. The older man bit his lips trying to hold back a chuckle.

Angeal sighed softly. It was almost pitiful—scratch that; it absolutely was. “Besides,” he said with a wink towards Cloud, “I'm sure there are enough hard things in this room.” Cloud, who had just taken a large swallow of his lemonade, promptly choked and sputtered, his eyes alighting on Zack in a furious glare.

Sephiroth felt his entire body clenching in anger. It was probably the only thing that kept him from dropping his glass out of sheer shock. Before he could take a step in Angeal's direction, the man held out his hand in a gesture of peace. “You're the most hard-headed person I know, Seph,” Angeal said around his laughter, “and the puppy can be pretty stubborn when he wants to be, right?” He looked towards the red-faced blond, who paused in his ocular murder of Zack long enough to glance at Angeal in acknowledgment.

“Yeah,” Cloud growled slowly, his eyes sliding back over to Zack, whose face was scrunched up in an attempt to stifle his laughter, “pretty damn stubborn,” though the way he said it, it sounded more like, “I sincerely hope you weren't planning on having children with Aerith, because I am about to personally ensure that you are never able to have children again.”

“Almost to the point where it's completely unamusing,” Sephiroth added towards Angeal, though his tone made it sound more like he'd said, “You had better learn to like women, because when you wake up tomorrow, you will be one.”

Both Angeal and Zack eyed each other—any excuse to escape from Sephiroth's and Cloud's twin glares of promised wrath—and burst into fresh waves of laughter. “You guys are too easy,” Angeal chuckled, wiping a tear from his eye.

“I hope not,” called a melodic voice from somewhere down the hall, “being easy's my job around here.”

Sephiroth's eyes widened dramatically, and Angeal scrunched up his face. “Good Gaia, not now,” he muttered. Sephiroth hastily drained his glass of lemonade, looking for all the world like he wished it were straight vodka.

A head of stylishly cut auburn hair peeked around the corner. Genesis' eyes scanned over the crowd, and a small smirk graced his lips. His eyes met with Sephiroth's for a brief moment as he ignored the excited Zack, and Sephiroth slowly blinked. It was a blink that promised at least seventeen different types of retribution, nine of them horribly painful deaths, should Genesis even think of interfering with Cloud. Genesis' smirk evolved into a grin.

“Ooh, a party,” Genesis said as he waltzed into the room, “and you didn't think to invite me? Angeal, I'm hurt.” He held a gloved hand over his heart with a pout, feigning some grievous slight as he stood in front of his boyfriend. Angeal graciously leaned in to give him a small kiss, placating the redhead with a soft murmur. Genesis waved him off and turned towards Sephiroth, his pout morphing into an expression of distaste.

“What in Gaia's name are you wearing, Seph,” Genesis stated more than asked, waving a hand up and down at Sephiroth's general being. “Sweatpants? A sloppy bun? Sneakers? I swear I taught you better than this.” Genesis shook his head. Compared to Sephiroth, he looked like he'd stepped off a designer photoshoot in an olive green short-sleeve button down shirt and skinny jeans tucked into black military-style boots. Sephiroth only scowled at his friend, highly unamused.

“Honestly, Seph,” Genesis continued, “if this is how you dress to meet with him, no wonder you're having problems—ow!” Genesis jumped a little at the sudden sting of pain he felt on his backside. He turned to see Zack grinning at him—too widely, he noticed, even for Zack—and glared.

“Gen, you haven't said hello to me yet,” Zack whined, his leg bouncing restlessly, “and to think I came all this way just to see you!” Call him many things, but Zack wasn't a sadistic soul. He wasn't about to let Genesis so obviously torture either of his love-sick friends.

Genesis rolled his eyes with a sigh. “Yes, then, come say hello, puppy,” he said in a long-suffering tone. Zack immediately placed his glass on the table and took a running leap into Genesis, the redhead, to his credit, only staggering backwards a single step. He sneezed as Zack's errant spikes tickled his nose, and mumbled, “You know I only tolerate this because you allow me to—”

“Yeah, I know,” Zack sang back, ignoring the choked sputter from Cloud as Genesis blatantly groped Zack's ass.

Genesis glanced over Zack's shoulder at Cloud as the raven-haired man pulled away into a more normal hug. Shrugging and moving away from Zack, he stopped in front of Cloud, canting his head as he observed the blond curiously. He made a small noise of understanding. “Hm, and you must be Cloud. A pleasure to meet you,” he said courteously, shooting a quick glance at Sephiroth as he extending his hand in greeting, before locking his eyes on Cloud's form.

And what a form it was...Genesis couldn't help but admire Sephiroth's taste as he took in Cloud's muscle tone, his lightly tanned skin, the electric blue eyes that narrowed at him as his handshake lasting slightly longer than manners dictated—ah. Genesis leaned in close to Cloud ear and murmured, “Now I understand,” before pulling backwards. Before either Sephiroth or Cloud could make a move towards him, Genesis stepped away, clearing his throat.

“Well, then,” he said airily, “what have you lovebirds been up to?”

Zack's jaw dropped, Sephiroth's fist clenched, Cloud's eyes narrowed, and Angeal started praying to every goddess he could think of. Genesis' face registered confusion. “When I left, there were three people in this house,” he said. “Now there are five. I think I'm well within my manners to ask why the puppy and...his friend have come visiting.” He hazarded a glance over at Sephiroth, gauging the man's reaction to his light tease.

Zack's face lit up. “We came to see you, Gen! Cloudy-kins was feeling a little under the weather,” he chattered, “so I figured, what's the best thing to cheer someone up? An afternoon with Genesis Rhapsodos!”

“Because he's such a shit show, he automatically makes everyone else feel better about themselves,” Sephiroth muttered caustically. Cloud's eyes darted over to Sephiroth, the tiny smirk on his lips the only show of his approval.

Genesis deigned not to acknowledge the comment, instead focusing on the sole occupant of the room who seemed to appreciate his presence. “Ah, you've come to the right man, then,” he said, graciously working himself onto the couch in between Cloud and Zack. “How bad are we talking, puppy—'I just spilled my iced caramel machiatto on my favorite pair of jeans' depressed, or 'I just spilled my soul to my long-time crush and he rejected me' depressed?”

Angeal swore he felt the temperature in the room drop by at least 10 degrees. Sephiroth slammed his empty glass onto the coffee table, sharply turning on his heel and heading for the kitchen. Angeal only barely managed to restrain him with two hands holding firmly onto Sephiroth's biceps. “No knives,” he said slowly.

Zack chuckled nervously as Sephiroth finally relented, stiffly turning around and taking a seat in the armchair furthest away from the sofa. “Uh,” the brunet said carefully, staring nervously into Cloud's glare over Genesis' shoulder, “I think it's more like 'I just spilled my best friend's blood across half of Cosmo Canyon and now I'm regretting my distinct lack of an awesome best friend' depressed.”

Had anyone asked him, Cloud would have swore that the soft rumbling noise that ensued absolutely was not him growling under his breath.

Genesis, ignorant of the rampant tension in the room, nodded sagely. “That's a pretty serious situation,” he said calmly. “Luckily, I happen to know the best remedy for that sort of thing!”

Zack raised an eyebrow and grinned. “See, Cloud? Told ya he's the perfect guy to see,” he said pointedly, relieved to have finally steered the conversation away from such dangerous topics as the revelation of certain secrets that were probably best left unrevealed. Sephiroth grunted but said nothing further as Angeal glanced at him meaningfully, and Cloud turned to stare straight ahead.

“Okay, this is good,” said Angeal, ever the peace-keeper, “Genesis, lighten the mood up a bit, and I'll go grab some more drinks.” He barely managed to take three steps before Genesis opened his mouth again.

“Yes, everyone knows the best way to cheer someone up is to tell them the Tinkerbell story,” he said, examining his fingernails with the slightest of smirks.

Angeal groaned, and Sephiroth's fingers arched into claws. “Genesis fucking Rhapsodos, if you do not see fit to shut your mouth this instant, I will be more than glad to remove every vestige of a vocal apparatus you own,” he snarled. Clearly, the Tinkerbell story was a sore spot for the silver-haired pianist, Cloud noticed with a trace of a smile. His god wasn't perfect after all, and Cloud loved him all the more for it.

Zack immediately spoke without thinking, the positively murderous expression on Sephiroth's face the only thing he could comprehend. There was no way anything good could come out of having someone that angry in their presence. “Hey, that's okay, no murdering today,” he said, standing up with his hands out in a peaceful gesture. “Listen, Seph—I can tell you tons of embarrassing stories about Cloud! Like the Miss Cloud incident!”

The moment the words left his mouth, Zack clamped a hand over it, a mumbled “Oops,” filtering past. If Sephiroth was managing to burn holes in Genesis' skull with his glare, then Cloud had definitely frozen all of the blood in Zack's veins with all of the ice in the gaze he turned on him. “Zackary Fair,” Cloud said in a deceptively soft voice, “if you value being alive in any way, shape, or form at all, I highly suggest that you cut your tongue out, because clearly it does not have your best interests at heart.”

The ominous tone to Cloud's normally neutral and serene voice made Sephiroth pause in his anger for a moment. Hmm...he could truly come to appreciate this vicious side of his blond angel. To think, a temper that nearly matched his own. They could make a formidable team together, should some unfortunate soul provoke both of them at once. But he had more important things to focus on at the moment, like destroying Genesis Rhapsodos.

“Oh? This...'Miss Cloud' story sounds quite fascinating,” Genesis commented as plainly as though he were discussing the weather, “but I must insist you hear the Tinkerbell escapades first. I assure you, if you darling Cloud isn't feeling better afterward, nothing will help.”

“Angeal,” Sephiroth warned, letting the older brunet know that if he didn't intervene soon, he'd be short a lover.

Zack glanced between Sephiroth and Cloud. “Really? That sounds super interesting,” he said thoughtfully, “but I really don't want to piss off Seph. I mean, no offense, Spikey, but I'd rather have you mad at me than Killer over there. Maybe I should tell the Miss Cloud story first.”

“Zack,” Cloud said, his blue eyes flashing. He thought Sephiroth's anger was worse than his? Then he'd never been privileged enough to have Cloud truly mad at him.

Angeal glanced from Sephiroth, to Cloud, to Genesis and Zack. With a heavy sigh, he ran a hand over his face. “Listen, how about we—”

“We have company and no one thought to tell me?” Kadaj poked his head around the corner of the hallway, peering into the sitting room where the showdown was taking place. His eldest brother seemed angrier than he'd ever seen him before.

“Ah, Kadaj,” Genesis said, snapping his fingers. “Have you not heard the Tinkerbell story? If not, you must come join us.”

Kadaj raised an eyebrow, noticing Sephiroth's violent reaction to the mere word 'Tinkerbell,' and made his way into the room. “Are we telling embarrassing stories about Sephiroth, now? You should have invited me sooner, Genesis,” Kadaj cooed, his eyes sliding over to Sephiroth. “Has he ever told you about the time he lost a bet to Vincent and—”

It was only years of having dealt with Sephiroth's tantrums that alerted Angeal to the motion, and he moved to restrain Sephiroth before he'd even realized it. “Sephiroth, outside,” he said tersely, “now.”

“Let me kill him,” Sephiroth said, eyes flashing with anger, “let me kill them both. They'll never find the bodies, I swear.”

“Hey, no need to be rude,” Zack said, jumping up and pushing Kadaj to the side. “Sephiroth, c'mon, I'm sure it's not that bad. I mean, all of Cloud's best friends know about how he dressed up in drag, and they're still friends...with...him...”

A deathly silence fell over the room as everyone looked first to Zack, and then at Cloud. The brunet slapped his hands over his mouth, muffling his hastily uttered apologies, but the damage had already been done. Cloud's fingers twitched restlessly as he barely restrained himself from punching Zack--

“Don't worry, Cloud, you're in good company,” Kadaj said confidently, waving a hand dismissively. “Did you know Seph wears women's panties for sport?”

That was the final straw. Cloud darted forward, and were it not for Genesis' quick block, he would have shattered Zack's nose into a million pieces. Zack shrieked and jumped backwards onto the couch, pulling Kadaj with him as Sephiroth had managed to momentarily break free from Angeal's grip.

“Oh,” purred the teenager, turning towards Zack with a smirk, “this is nice.”

Zack rolled his eyes. “Straight,” he said, “with a girlfriend.” He relinquished his hold on the boy as Angeal wrapped his arms around a murderous Sephiroth's torso.

Kadaj pouted. “Fine,” he said with a sigh, “but that hasn't stopped me in the past.” He giggled as Zack rolled his eyes again.

“Kadaj, you little shit,” Sephiroth growled.

“Kadaj, lock yourself in your room,” Angeal commanded, visibly struggling with Sephiroth.

“But I—”

“Now.”

Kadaj grumbled under his breath, but stood up to obey Angeal regardless, dancing away with a stifled scream as Sephiroth hissed at him as he passed. Cloud managed to throw Genesis off himself and onto the couch beside Zack, and stood angrily for a moment, panting for breath. Angeal dropped to the floor with a grunt as Sephiroth jabbed a well-placed elbow into the man's solar plexus.

“I'm leaving.”

Both Cloud and Sephiroth spoke simultaneously, and neither looked at each other as they headed for the door. Cloud reached it first, wrenching it open with one last glare towards Zack. “If you try to contact me,” he said with eerie calm, “I will never. Speak. To you. Again.” Zack only nodded, terrified of Cloud's threat as he walked out the door.

Sephiroth spared one icy stare over the room. “You will pay for this,” he enunciated lowly, before leaving and slamming the door behind himself so hard, the doorframe cracked. It wasn't until he reached his car and pulled with excessive force on the door handle that Sephiroth realized he'd left his keys inside the house.

Lucky for him, a savior with blond hair rescued him with a none-too-gentle pull on his wrist. “Come on,” Cloud said, stalking angrily towards his motorcycle and dragging Sephiroth behind him, “motorcycle's faster.” He wasted no time, throwing a helmet to Sephiroth, jamming his own helmet over his spikes and swinging a leg over the bike. He started the engine and revved it until he felt Sephiroth's weight settle behind him. As soon as the silveret's arms were remotely wrapped around his waist, Cloud took off, his tires screeching against the pavement.

Inside the house, Angeal, Genesis, and Zack sat shell shocked, unable to speak until after they'd heard the motorcycle zooming away.

“That Cloud was adorable,” he mused. “If I weren't already happily in a committed relationship...ah, at any rate, my work is done. Angeal, darling, what should I make for dinner?”

Zack and Angeal groaned. The backlash from this was going to be a bitch.