Firstly, I realize this is basically turning into a rant-y social justice blog, interrupted only by the occasional post about a certain BL visual novel. But I feel like I need this right now, and I don't currently have very many outlets for this sort of thing. So thank you all for being good sports about it. ^^
So basically, I went on a small rant on Tumblr about the whole Rihanna/Chris Brown debacle and how it's unfair to say that Rihanna is "crazy" or "stupid" for getting back together with him. I went on to say that such remarks are a form of victim-blaming. I received a very courteous rebuttal to my argument, and the comment that stuck out to me most was to the effect of, "Concerning the violent incident, she was a victim, but in choosing to go back to him, you can't really call her a victim."
And I do believe this person is technically correct. It's not as though Rihanna or any other victim of abuse has no sense of agency or free will. Clearly she chose to go back to him. But when I call Rihanna a victim, I mean it in a broader, kind of more abstract sense. I do think she was foolish to go back to someone who abused her. But if Rihanna is foolish, then the whole music industry and large segments of society are just as foolish.
When commenting on inviting Chris Brown to perform during the Grammys that aired just last night, one of the Grammy producers said, "We’re glad to have him back. People deserve a second chance." Which is the exact same kind of language abuse victims use when forgiving their abusers. And in the immediate aftermath of the violent incident, there were TONS of people, women included, who were supportive of Chris Brown and said things like, "She probably said something that provoked him, so she deserved to get hit." Which is something victims of abuse say to themselves all the time.
Statements like "Rihanna is stupid, crazy, etc" imply that the problem is specific to her and that any sensible person would know not to forgive him. Such statements also fail to take into consideration all of the forces in society that contributed to her decision.
And this is not some isolated event. It's indicative of how we as a society view domestic violence and its victims. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to see victims of abuse defend Chris Brown ("he's been punished enough, he's so talented, we should forgive him"). But I KNOW these people aren't just "stupid," "crazy," or "weak" and that these women have likely internalized all of the victim blaming/abuser forgiving statements that are so prevalent throughout our society.
