According to Nate I'm overreacting about this whole thing. 'Cause it's only for the summer, and then I'll be with him again.

I find that hilarious!

Usually when someone loves another person which he said he did, they don't go and pull some stupid stunt like this.

He honestly believes that I'm okay with all this. That once we're back in school I'll be willing to date him again. Then what? What happens over the summer? He gonna dump me again because he can't handle not being able to see me?!

No. I'm not going to do this crap again. I'm sick of people pulling shenanigans such as these on me all the time.

I know he's probably going to fool around with some girl while we're not together, and then he'll expect me to take him back. HA! Funny.

He's going to a fucking party. Shows how much he's hurting. Then again he's not even hurting. He doesn't give a damn! He never has!

I wish I could act so cold and heartless, but I simply can't. I don't get over people quickly. I'm lonely half the time, and when someone happens to come along I get attached. Which I NEED to stop doing. It's doing me no good. No good whatsoever.

I find it even more pathetic that I happen to be crying over this.

I just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. But, that's not going to happen. I have no one now. Absolutely no one.

I have no friends offline. My mom is always sleeping. My grandparents nag me all the time. My father is non-existent. I'm alone! ALONE, ALONE, ALONE!!

Always alone! Why am I always alone?!

Cryingcryingcryingcrying.

I know I have you guys, but the thing is.. I need someone here. I need someone who I can talk to face to face. I need someone who I can hear. I need someone who I can see.

Now I'm just getting selfish and greedy.

I have no reason to live anymore. Never did, and probably never will. I'm so afraid of death though, and I don't want to leave my mom behind or my pets. But it seems like it's the only thing to do.

I could get away with killing myself so easily. My mom is sleeping all the time. I could easily take all her pills and mine, and kibby on the floor and she wouldn't even notice. Every suicidal teens dream, right?

I CAN'T STOP CRYING! I don't want to cry anymore! I just want it all to go away. I want it all gone. Right now. I wish I had magic and then I could make this all go away.

I don't want people to remember me as being a miserable, suicidal, antisocial lunatic. I don't think anyone would remember me anyway. No one even sees me. The thing is though.. I want to be remembered for good things. But I haven't done anything good. Not one thing. I don't even have one good quality to be remembered by.

People seem to think that I always want to be depressed or miserable and the truth is I don't. I mean, who in their right mind would? The truth is, I try very hard to be happy. I try so very, very hard.

Life's one big fucking party!

Life: 07/12/08 | Posted By: Britty Nature | 4 comments