Love is a fickle thing in life. Life is a fickle thing to love. Here, I express what my life brings to me throughout my existence. Glimpses in the grey area are unfolding and offering you a cup of my reality. Welcome to my life.



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I've actually been a member since 1/13/09

Name: Shayde.

Age: 26.

Birthday: 3/14/91 (March 14th, 1991)

Sex: Male.


Moogle WIP

I've been on a Final Fantasy craze for a couple of weeks now mainly because of XIV. It's probably hands down one of the best MMOs I've ever played. But, yeah, that craze though. I even got around to finishing XV and played both DLC episodes. Now I'm just waiting on Ignis' episode to come out, but that's not until December.

So, I was really in the mood to draw something today, but I didn't know what. And one of my friends showed me a screenshot of one of his new characters on XIV and I went "That kind of looks like a moogle!" And then I decided that I wanted to draw a moogle. I don't think I've ever drawn a moogle before this. If I have, I don't remember... But who cares? It's hella fun to draw and the lines came out really cute. I'm not done with it, though. But here's what I have so far!

I know it's been a while since I posted another drawing, but I'm steadily getting back into it. I should have the picture finished by tomorrow afternoon or night depending on if I get around to it. :P

I'm back from vacation.

I'm back from Texas, everyone. I actually got back Saturday evening and I still wish I didn't come back. Not that I missed everyone, because I didn't... Jk. Not really. Maybe? Eh, anyways. I just really enjoyed my time out there being with great friends and going to places I haven't been to before. Also, I had like Mexican cuisine everyday xD Like HOME COOKED. The good shit. But I'm white, so I'm just sounding like a retard who is racially confused. xDD But seriously, it's been a good while since I had a good Mexican dish, so I was like really excited for that. I like food, damn it! Let me be happy. >:1 Not to mention, they had some really good sushi shops out there. <3 Like damn I thought the shops here were tasty, they had some pretty tasty sushi and sashimi. Best of all, we didn't go to any bars. I'm sorry, but I'm fucking tired of going to bars as a "getting out" place. That's all my friends here want to do. I'm like seriously sick of fucking not doing anything, but sitting there and drinking. LET'S GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND BE ACTIVE WHILE WE DRINK! >A<# Sorry, I'm just like ffffffuckkkk. I need new local friends.

I didn't go on college campus, kind of? I dunno. The layout was weird. Like itt was all roads and fields, but apparently it's part of the college, but at the same time not??? @w@;; Make up your mind, College Station! But driving around and seeing all these big houses and such was nice. I got to play DJ a few of the times, so they had to deal with my tastes in genres. >D~ Jk, They listen to the same shit I do. xD Either that, or I introduced them to a couple of new bands. :3

We watched the Castlevania episodes on Netflix and criticized it. That was a fun couple of hours. xD It was anything too bad, for the most part it was really good. There were a couple of spots we just found annoying. The art and animation style was really good and reminded me of Avatar: The Last Airbender a lot. Maybe it's the same animators? I dunno. I just didn't like that the first season was sooooo short. 4 episodes? Come onnnnnn...

Other than losing my dog while I was there, I had a really great time. I did my best not too let my emotions be a burden to my friends and were completely understanding if they were to slip out and such. <3

I've also really gotten into Final Fantasy XIV as of late. It sucks having to pay $15 a month for a subscription, but it's worth it. I love the customization aspect of the game so much. <33333 I'm currently working on a picture of one of my newer characters, so expect that shit.

That's about it, though. So, yeah. Bye!

External Image

He's gone.

I wrote this on Facebook and I felt it could be shared here, as well.

Last night, my dad called me telling me that our dog, T-Boy, had another seizure. Today, he's bringing him in to be put down. I would've tagged along, but I'm currently in Texas with a couple of great friends of mine. I'm doing my best to keep my composure and I've mentally accepted the fact that he wasn't going to make it any longer than this year. But, seeing how he's been in my life for over 15 years and has been a personal best friend ever since I was little, it's being hard to mentally come to terms so easily. I'm not going to cry over it and it's nothing about pride or any of that stupid shit people like to say. As much as I want to, I have no reason to cry about it anymore. It was bound to happen, sooner or later, and that's the truth. Yeah, I'm going to miss him dearly, but right now I'm just holding on to the memories I have made with him and enjoying those. I gave it a good thinking over and in the end putting him down was probably the better option. At least it'll end his and our own personal sufferings. It isn't fair that such a good dog has to have a fate like this, but it's for the best for all parties.

...It's Time...

These next few days are going to be my darkest.... This next week is probably going to be my darkest.... I hope I live through it... I hope I can keep on smiling after it's done.... I'm doing my best to keep my composure, to be an adult.... the demon in me is acting up, clawing at my heart, creating such a nullified sickness rotting away my emotions.... leaving nothing but emptiness... I'm shaking.... I'm so terrified.... I'm so fucking terrified.... but there's nothing that can be done.... I'm about to commit a scarring crime... I'm about to walk a path I never wanted to take in the first place... I knew it was going to happen, eventually... but... so soon?... why?... I've lost a lot of things in my life the were precious to me... this is no different... it broadens my knowledge of knowing that existence is just an unneseccarry event in the end.... probably a good reason why I have no fatih, why I don't believe in an almighty being, why I refuse to have a belief that existing has a reasonable purpose... darkness is consuming me... self-hatred will show it's prowess across my court... I will become nothing after this is done....

...A flame I have cherished and fueled for so long... for so many years... is dying... and will be completely extinguished... by my hands....

Might be inactive for a bit

Depression kicked back in hard yesterday. I might be inactive for the time being. Just a small notification, nothing important. Drawing has been somewhat put on hold for now, so has everything else that I typically do on here. Whatever. You know, I do wonder why I get on this site anymore. There's barely anyone here to even say is regularly active, the chat has been gone which was like 80% why I came on here anymore back then, and most of the people I talked to on here moved on. Stupid thing is, I know why I stay here. The site was a big part of my life. It was literally like a second home to me. I met a lot of great people here, saw really enjoyable and creative art pieces, had fun in several RP worlds and even made a good name for myself. Meh, whatever. I know I'm not going to leave for good, but I will be away for a while. Anyways, catch ya later.