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Name: Shayde

Age: 26

Birthday: 3/14/91 (March 14th, 1991)

Sex: Male.


Last Sunday

I was at a party last Sunday. The annual crawfish boil, where all the friends I know attend and pigs out on shellfish and stuff. Bleh... I hate crawfish. Despise it... wouldn't give a fuck if the crustacean became extinct. I'd probably prefer that, anyway.
I got to meet my friend's, Rami and Dillon, after not seeing them for months. They gave me hugs and kisses and were so excited to see me again, as was I with them. We caught up for a bit, asked how life has been treating me, etc. They liked how long my hair has gotten. I told them I was thinking about dying it, again, but I might just be getting too old for childish things. I dunno. I might... eh... Rami told me about his possibility of getting on to Rupaul's Drag Race (he does drag fyi). I told him that it'd be awesome to see him on there, although I don't really watch it anymore. Didn't really watch much of it in the first place, only when it was on. But, yeah. I told him I'm going to start doing cosplay for conventions soon. His face lit up when I said that. XD Like he was REALLY INTO the idea of me cosplaying. I didn't before because I was very self-conscious about my looks and weight. I don't give a shit what people have told me about that. If I don't feel comfortable about myself, then I'm not going to fucking cosplay. Anyways, he asked if I came up with any ideas on who I'd wanna cosplay when I finish losing this weight, which I'm soooo close of doing! Dx GO AWAY FASTER, DAMNIT! I don't really know, but I just know I feel a lot better about my physique.
I also told him that I might be attending AX this summer, but, to be honest, I'm not really feeling up to it like I was these past few months... I might skip this summer... sorry, Patrick. I was mainly going for you, but I really might bail. Definitely next year... ^^;; It's not that I don't want to go, I really enjoyed going to it before... I just... I don't know... maybe I'm not ready for Los Angeles mentally, yet... Maybe I'm just not ready to be in the same city as my ex, or going to the same convention and possibly bumping into her and most likely her boyfriend. Believe me, I've been doing a lot better, at least that's what I'd like to think. I don't really break down anymore or get like super depressed. Maybe I'm coming to terms? Eh. I do find it funny how she's dating someone younger than her. Not that it's a bad thing, I'm sure he's an awesome fellow. People can change, after all. You are a lucky guy to have stumbled across someone like her. Treat her better than I have ever done...
Rami and I were talking about AX and LA when he brought up my ex. He asked how I've been doing. I masked it like I always do, put on a smile and told him, "I'm fine. I still have some feelings for her, but they will eventually fade. Just gotta keep moving and not think about it!" It's mostly true, but I still do hurt from time to time. I think he saw through my act, though, because there was a long silence after that and he just had that sympathetic expression on his face... Was I that readable? I need to tighten up my acts... Usually, I can get away with them no problem... maybe I'm slipping. Anyways, he immediately started to ask me about cosplay some more. That lasted a few minutes when he got up because it was time to eat.
My mood kind of died down after that, but I faked it for a while. I don't blame him for asking, I know a few of my friends are worried about me. They do know that I have severe depression issues and suicidal thoughts. It really was a big deal to me when my ex and I broke up and they knew that. They knew how shattered I still am, how tattered my pages have become. So, I really can't blame them for checking on me. But I don't want to worry them anymore, so I'll just lie, tell them what they want to hear and move on. No biggie, right? I've been called a liar more than enough in my life that it doesn't phase me anymore. I mean that's really the only times I lie now is when someone asks how I'm doing. Lying about other things only gets you in trouble and I'm tired of being accused and getting into trouble, even when I haven't done jack shit. Whatever.
I walked over to my friend, Connor, after Rami left. He was showing off his new handgun he just bought and I asked to handle it. He handed it over, I made sure the chamber was empty, released the magazine and checked it out as he was telling me about it. I told him I was planning on getting one soon, most likely the same model. I gave back the gun and he told me it's a great gun, but then asked if I was sure I'm ready for one. I looked at him curiously and he explained that he knows I haven't been in great shape and just wants to make sure I'm okay. What is this a "Let's all make sure Blake is mentally sober from drunken depressions" day? I told him I'm fine because it's the truth. I'm not going to kill myself if I get a gun. If that were the case I'd have shot myself with my dad's. I'd be dead and no one here would know that. I wouldn't be writing this. I'd not exist anymore. Plus, I've kind of stopped believing in an afterlife, so I want to make the duration of this life longer. Well, now I do. No more suicide attempts. HAHAHAAAmaybe... I mean what?
Anyways, the party was fun. I got to meet people I haven't seen in a while, played games, mingled, etc. It was enjoyable. Next I might hit up GlowRage or this summer's paint party at Splash. Who knows.

The Rock Show

The Blink-182 concert was fucking lit last night! It was so energetic and lively, like holy shit it was fun! And Matt Skiba did not disappoint on the classics. I still feel Blink isn't the same without Tom, but Matt really put on a show.
I really wasn't expecting them to play as many older songs as they did! I was expecting the majority of their lineup to be from "California", but it really felt like there was a mass overrun of classics than moderns. Plus they let fans play a couple of the songs. I really wanted to go up and play, but I'm a lefty, so that wasn't going to happen. XD Plus, I was mid-crowd, so I was too far away anyways. Not gonna lie, though... it was almost as good as The Used concert I went to last year. I will admit, there were a couple of songs I wish they didn't play, but all in all, I had a great time.


...love will fuck you up more than drugs ever will... does that mean I'm on drugs? No, but maybe I should be if it'll help numb this pain...

Life update.

Mom: So, you're just going to URGH URGH *insert derp elephant noise here* URGH URGH?

Me: *stares blankly at her with a smile* ...I'm sorry, I had to process what the hell that was. Wanna run that by me again?

Mom: Nah, I just realized how much of a doofus I sounded.

Me: Oh, no no! Please! I insist! *trying not to laugh*

Mom: *walks away*

Me: *bursts out laughing* DUN LEAVES MEH! XD

Yeah, that just happened maybe 10 minutes ago from typing this. Hey, it was funny to me. So, other than my internal train wreck of an emotional state, life's been doing ok. I will say it definitely sucks not waking up with her next beside me, but what can I do? Right? I think that's kind of the only thing that really, like, GETS ME. Like physically when I wake up, I feel like shit, my mind's fucking racing and a bunch of other stuff, but throughout the rest of the day I feel ok. I mean there's the occasional thought of "I wonder how she's doing and if she even thinks of me anymore" and blah blah that kind of swings by at least once a day. But, yeah. I'm doing better.... PHYSICALLY at least. My mentality is still pretty fucking shot. XD
I've been occupying myself a lot, so that I don't go into an introverted mental state all the time. Mainly, I've been on Twitter a lot. XD I'm fucking retweeting a god damn storm on that thing and I've actually met back up with a couple of friends on there that used to be here.
I've also picked up drawing again. Holy shit, am I fucking rusty. I guess that's what I get for stopping after a few years. I'm thinking about making it a more regular thing and I really want to become friends with some of my favorite artists, but it'll be a while for that to happen if anything. Oh well~
For the next three months, starting Monday, I'm going to be straining the fuck out of my body. Literally, I will be working out 6 days a week, eating a lot healthier and feel a hell of a lot better. My goal is to hit between 190 and 180 by the time I'm done. I'm just tired of being fat. Well, not like FAT, but you can definitely see the chubs when the shirt comes off. Also, there's a lot of clothes I wanna wear again. ;w;
Either today or tomorrow I'm going to go out and get my lip pierced. If not this weekend, then next weekend for sure. I've been wanting it pierced for years now and I've finally built up enough courage to just fucking get it over with. I'm thinking about getting a double ring on the left side. I thought about snake bites, but I was never one for symmetry. XD I might take a picture when it gets done, but most likely not.
Also, I might be getting a tattoo in the near future. One of my co-workers has a sleeve of anime girls (uncolored) and the lines were so damn clean. I've been thinking about getting characters on me, but I've been too worried about the lines not coming out right, or jagged, or etc.
I'm still planning on hitting AX up this summer, and possibly next summer as well. I have a group of friends over Xbox that I've talked to for 6 years now and I thought of the idea of us finally meeting as a group. I mean shit we all now what we look like, we know how we all act, we could practically be neighborhood friends or that type of sort. Everyone sounded as if they were on board which is awesome. But, were still trying to figure out where to meet. It'll most likely be E3, AX, Comicon, or something else. Don't know yet! That's still a years time from now. Lol

That's pretty much what I've been up to so yeah. OH! I forgot to mention that EoTE will most likely be put on hold for a while longer. I really want to start writing it, but I also want to get my life rolling again. So, yeah.

You wanna go?

You know what's a pain in the ass? When you run across one of your exes and they go off on you, calling you a bitch, liar, disrespectful little fuck, etc. I'm just sitting here like bitch, you haven't even spoken to me in a long fucking time, what makes you have the right to make accusations about me? It's been fucking almost 10 years since we dated and you're still grungy as fuck with your matted hair and shit. Learn how to apply some fucking hygiene in your life. I'm surprised you still have all your teeth because you still look like you suck a lot of crusty old man dick! Does that sound harsh? Probably. But I'm not afraid to fucking speak my mind like I have been for the past few years. I've opened up A LOT more and I will fucking say shit to you no fucking problem. Don't fucking cross me because I can damage you mentally. Now, believe me when I say I've grown up and am a lot more respectable towards people and I have become a lot nicer, but if you're going to come at me sideways, you better hope to fucking god you can pucker up that asshole tight because I will rip it the fuck open.
The bystander guy in me is dead. And you better hope I don't find out that you're saying shit about me. Because if you're going be a chump and not say it to my face, then expect me to be in yours. Don't fuck with me, don't say shit about me, don't fucking even. That goes for anyone: friends, exes, friends of exes, ex friends, strangers, who the fuck ever. I'm fucking done with the bullshit that I STILL get. Got something to say, then say it to my face. Because I'd respect you a hell of a lot more if you man the hell up. Plus, I'd be a lot nicer about confronting you than you saying shit behind my back.