Definition of a Limit - A LeonxCloud fanfiction
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If Leon was the thunderstorm, then Cloud, despite his namesake, was the rainbow in a clear sky. If the scarred brunet seemed like he was going to eviscerate the next living being who cursed his existence with his or her presence, then the wounded blond was the glancing touch or fleeting glance that could completely negate his mood. If the lion wanted to stay in his den, licking the still-healing lacerations of his past, then the wolf was the only one who could coax him out and force him to live.
It was a delicate balance that no one else ever dared touch, for fear that either or both might fall from the precarious grace they had found in each other. Though both were so broken and desolate on their own, they found a sense of relative completeness, a sense of belonging. It was as though Leon was everything Cloud wasn’t and couldn’t be. He was everything Cloud needed, and more. And Cloud, he was the sweetest relief to Leon’s endless torment, the only shred of redemption he could ever hope for. What Cloud couldn’t see in himself, Leon noticed, and even beyond that, made him feel beautiful for it. And Leon never really knew what he was living for until Cloud made sure to show him.
Purpose and reason became absolutely nonexistent when it was just the two of them, whether on the battlefield of love or the playgrounds of war. As cliché as they both knew it sounded, it never really mattered why, as long as they had each other. Whether they were clashing swords or lips, they were always pushing each other to the limit, pushing to see exactly how far the other would go. That was what he loved the most, the feeling of being able to let loose all of his strength, all of his anguish and anger, against Leon without the fear that he would hurt him beyond repair. No one else could fight him so well as Leon did, without inhibition and reserve. Leon was calculating, taking all of his blows like a mere tap on the shoulder; and ruthless, retaliating with agility and accuracy. It was in the heat of a battle where Cloud appreciated Leon the most for everything they had been through, because it was one of the few times when he really realized he wasn’t in this alone.
It was the shuttered look in Cloud’s eyes as he willingly submitted to Leon that the gunblader could never get enough of. He always felt as though the blond didn’t know well enough how important he was to him, how beautiful, and the bedroom seemed the best way to remind of that. Leon led in the bedroom as Cloud led on the field, but it was never a matter of who was in charge. It was their way of testing each other, and in testing each other, they each got something important from it. For Leon, it was the feeling that there was someone he could be there for, someone he couldn’t let down, someone who blamed himself just as much as he did. Keeping Cloud from blaming himself almost made Leon forget the blame he placed on himself, at least for a few peaceful moments at a time. To whisper harsh, crude declarations of affection in his ear, and hear the desperate replies, to see the frozen mask slip away under a searing hot caress, it was delicious, it was so satisfying it was—bliss.
And so, when Leon arose from the table almost immediately after dinner, no one moved except for Cloud, who quietly pushed aside his plate, excused himself, and slipped out the door. He found Leon effortlessly, leaning against the stone wall of the Bailey, staring out across the ravine. He leaned against the wall just beside him, folding his arms over his chest. When a few moments passed in silence, Cloud took it upon himself to initiate a conversation. Leaning ever so slightly to his right, he nudged his shoulder against Leon’s, turning his head a fraction towards the brunet.
Leon glanced over at Cloud, raising an eyebrow. What?
Cloud’s eyes quickly flicked from Leon’s face to the expansive ravine, and back again. What’s with the angsty teen act?
Leon let out a short breath through his nose. I’m not acting like an angsty teen, thank you.
Cloud stared straight up at the ceiling. Are tooo-ooooo.
Leon tossed his hair, aiming a low glare at the blond. So childish.
Cloud looked at Leon, eyes wide. Who, me?
The right corner of Leon’s mouth lifted in the barest of smiles, and Cloud took that as his invitation. He slipped in between Leon’s body and the wall—Between a rock and a hard place, his mind automatically thought ruefully—and slipped his hands around his lover’s waist as Leon settled between Cloud’s legs.
With his arms still folded, the brunet leaned forward into Cloud’s chest, his pert nose nudging gently against the blond’s neck. I just wanted some alone time.
Cloud discreetly lifted Leon’s shirt and lightly tickled his hip. No, you didn’t, otherwise I wouldn’t have followed you.
Leon turned his head to the side, hiding his smile, and unfolded an arm to press a hand against Cloud’s chest. He stared him boldly in the eye. And what if you read me wrong?
Cloud narrowed his eyes, and then, like a rattlesnake biting its prey, planted his lips against Leon’s, loving the way the brunet automatically opened his mouth so Cloud could take in his bottom lip. After a few moments passed, Cloud traced along Leon’s cheekbone with his lips, letting them rest near his ear in a slight smile. I never read you wrong...Squall.
It was funny how the other man could tell, even in silence, when Cloud was using his given name. Leon fisted the hand pressed against Cloud’s chest and pulled away, glaring at Cloud. Don’t get too cocky, Strife.
Cloud only smirked in reply. Whatever you say...Squall.
Leon quickly pulled back his fist, ready to slug Cloud across the face, but as he swung forward, the blond grabbed onto his fist, pulled his arm forward, and kicked him hard enough in the shins to knock him off his feet. Leon fell to the ground as Cloud let go off his arm. Cloud dropped to the ground on top of him, pinning him to the cold stone.
He shifted into a position where he was sitting cross-legged on the small of Leon’s back, took out his cell phone, and started checking messages, ignoring the tiny grunts of pain coming from below him. I’m waiting, Squall.
Leon growled, and though Cloud couldn’t see the angry snarl on his face, he definitely heard the threat in Leon’s voice. You fat bitch, get off me.
“Hm,” said Cloud noncommittally, still scrolling through his phone. No can do, Squall, your ass is mine.
Leon turned his head to the side, scraping his cheek on the stone in the process, and glared up at Cloud as best he could. Fuck you.
Cloud grinned widely, baring his brilliantly white teeth. That’s the eventual point, dear.
Leon turned his head so his forehead was pressed against the ground again and let his body go limp. Fine. You were right. I wanted you to follow me.
The blond raised an eyebrow, and then returned his cell phone to his pocket. Taking care not to step on Leon any more than necessary, he climbed off the gunblader’s back and stood a few steps away, waiting for him to rise.
Leon sat back on his haunches, resting one knee on the cold ground. He glared over at Cloud with one eyebrow raised. Was there any point at all to that juvenile display?
Cloud shrugged. I dunno. Was there?
Leon rose to his feet, shaking his head. Running his fingers through his chocolate locks, he returned to his post gazing out over the ravine. I just...I...wish there was more I could do.
The blond warrior shifted over so he was sitting on the ledge, just at the edge of Leon’s vision. He gently placed one of his gloved hands over Leon’s own gloved one, unable to give him the reassurance of skin-to-skin contact, but still conveying the sentiment. You already do so much, Leon.
Leon’s eyes slipped shut, and a rueful smile crossed his face. But it’ll never be enough to make up for—
Cloud quickly reached up and grabbed Leon’s chin, turning his face towards his own. His stern blue eyes clashed with Leon’s stormy grey ones. Stop. Don’t even go there. He ran his thumb over Leon’s lip, lingering for a moment before turning his gaze away with a derisive snort.
Leon studied Cloud’s profile, the way his eyebrows were knit in obvious disappointment. He sighed, running a hand through his hair again and looking towards the ceiling. I can’t help it, Cloud. They were...my life. My everything. And I—
Cloud slipped off the ledge, tightening his hands around the belts wrapped around Leon’s waist and pulling him close. He closed the distance between them, sealing their lips together in what ended up being a mostly one-sided kiss. But he persisted, and sure enough, Leon reciprocated, if only a little.
The blond ended the kiss, turning his face away and burying it in Leon's chest. “What about me?” he murmured, “what about Aerith? And Yuffie, and Cid?” The unasked question, “Why aren't we good enough?” still hung in the air.
Leon sighed, and opened his mouth to answer. “I—you know that you mean the world to me,” he said, not bothering to clarify who he meant.
“Then let us be your world, Leon,” pleaded Cloud, looking the gunblader in the eye. “Let me be your world. You can't hold on to your past forever.”
Leon closed his eyes, unable to take the truth he saw in Cloud's eyes. It was bad enough that he had let them down, but to allow himself to be forgiven for his transgressions was impossible. What Cloud was asking of him—
“I'm not asking you to forget about them,” said Cloud quietly, “but you can't let them control you. It's not fair to the people who love you now.” He studied Leon's profile in silence, worry and displeasure running through his mind. It wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation, and he had a feeling it wouldn't be the last. But this time, he wanted Leon to understand.
“Leon, everyone has a limit. There's only so long you can hold on for before you have to let go,” he explained softly. “But letting go isn't necessarily a bad thing. Letting go doesn't mean you've forgotten, or that you haven't learned. It doesn't mean that you'll stop trying to make up for it. The only thing it means is that you've accepted your past for what it is, and that you can't change it.”
He reached a hand up and gently turned Leon's face towards his. A single, glistening track ran down the side of his face, and his eyes remained closed. “Letting go will be hard,” Cloud said, pressing his lips softly to Leon's cheek, “but I'm right here to help you. I will always be here for you. You are not alone.” He lid his hand around the back of Leon's neck, caressing his hair soothingly as the brunet buried his face in Cloud's neck.
Leon knew he had to let go. He was simply too afraid. Afraid that in letting go, he would forget them. Afraid that in letting go, he was condoning his actions. Afraid that in letting go, he would become vulnerable to making the same mistakes again. He never wanted to do that again. “Cloud,” he murmured, his voice scratchy with unshed tears, “I—thank you.”
He pulled away from Cloud, wiping at his face with the back of his hand. Cloud regarded him patiently, his electric blue eyes open and full of the emotions he felt for Leon. We've gone through too much together for me to give up on you now, Leon. Not after what you've done for me.
Leon scoffed. This...this is nothing compared to what I went through with you, Strife. You owe me this much.
The blond raised an incredulous eyebrow. Oh, do I, now?
I'm trusting you not to let me fall. The gunblader lowered his defenses for a second, allowing Cloud to see the fear in his eyes, and the trust he held for Cloud. I'm trusting you to care enough not to let me destroy myself. I'm trusting you to love me.
For a second, Cloud was speechless, uncomfortable with the heavy emotions Leon was laying on the table. Then he recovered, realizing that if he made a bigger deal out of this than he should, if he actually took the next step and said, “I love you,” things would become unbearably awkward for both of them. So he did the next best thing: he laughed. I think you need to lay off the romance novels, Leonhart.
He pushed off the ledge, wrapping his arms around Leon's waist, and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. He caught the flash in his gunmetal eyes and ducked just as Leon raised a hand to smack him across the head. Laughter bubbled from his mouth as Cloud ran a few short steps away.
Leon glared at him as he strode past, hands shoved in his pockets. I think you need to keep your smartass mouth shut, Strife.
Cloud hurried behind him, and jostled him with his shoulder, smirking. I bet you won't be saying that later tonight.
Leon glanced over at him, feigning disinterest. I better not be.
“What?” Cloud's voice was pitched with indignation, and he shoved Leon hard enough to make him stumble. Are you implying that I'm going to whore myself for you?
Leon grinned. Yeah.
From where she stood hidden in the shadows, Aerith watched as the two men mock-fought with each other, all the way back to Merlin's house, where they promptly composed themselves before entering the door.
“Those two hardasses sort everythin' out okay?” Cid stood beside her, a disgruntled expression on his face.
Aerith nodded. “Everything will be okay,” she said softly.
Cid humphed. “Good,” he said. “You let 'em know I'll be needin' their help tomorrow early in the mornin'.” He turned and walked away after she confirmed that she would, leaving Aerith alone with her thoughts.
Cloud would take care of Squall, just like Squall had taken care of him, and soon things would be right again. She smiled softly. Nothing made her happier than seeing her boys happy.
