Chibi Otaku (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 02/10/16 | Reply
@Keba Si Rota:
Okay, thanks again! ^^
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 02/10/16 | Reply
I think I encountered that problem when it involved a scene with Toki and her sister in chapter 1. I forget exactly where. There were other instances of it, but I don't remember where they were.
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
Thanks so much for your feedback!! I'm glad you enjoyed it! (And I'm sorry I ended the preview on that awful cliffhanger. ^^;) I'm also glad to hear that Toki is your favorite -- I was a little worried about her strength as a main character in this arc, since Kita and the boys have a tendency to steal the spotlight. XD
Thanks for pointing out that tense slip in chapter 3. That was one of the few instances where I copied and pasted dialogue from the older version, which was written in a present-tense script style. I think that's all fixed now.
I think I can sort of spot the other problem you mentioned as well, so I will go through and try to rework those, and then I'll link/copy to your Fiction Feedback world with the update! Is there a particular spot where the dialogue especially had that problem?
It is my hope to publish this. I started the rewrite so that I could do it like a light novel. You'll probably get other clips later, but I don't plan to post the whole thing online.
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 02/08/16 | Reply
I finally read all of the first three chapters. Why did you have to leave it on a cliffhanger? I want MOAR!
I think your characterization is really good. You have a large cast, and you're differentiating the characters very well. So far, I think Toki is my favorite.
The only difficulty I had while reading this was with who was saying what. Sometimes, the paragraphs would start mentioning one character, but then the quotes came in and a different character was speaking. That kind of threw me.
There are also two paragraphs in chapter 3 where the narration switches to present tense. It's around where Takeshi starts explaining things to everyone.
Other than that, the story is great. I'm hooked. Since you're not posting the whole thing, does that mean you're planning to publish it?
Chibi Otaku (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 08/18/14 | Reply
A.E. stands for "After Exploration" in this universe. (That gets covered later, but maybe I should try to work it into the first few chapters?)
Yes, please let me know where it's confusing! I'd appreciate that! Yikes, I hope you're feeling better!
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 08/18/14 | Reply
OK, I FINALLY read the preview. My first question is, what does "A.E." stand for? I keep forgetting?
I have a few more in-depth comments, mostly about my confusion with who's saying what, but I'll leave that for a bit later when my head doesn't feel so muddled. I'm on pain medications for a back injury, and they're hindering my typing skills. Thank goodness for spell check and the delete button.