Hey guys!
Again, I apologize for the my lack of presence here on theotaku for the past month or so. As some may have read in the previous post, things have been a little hectic.
But, this is what has happened.
I've broken up with my boyfriend (which went smoother than I could have ever hoped for, in fact, it went so smooth that it was a little...I dunno, he really didn't put up any fight nor did he question it, he was like "okay" and I was sorta like "really, after two years, that's all you have to say?" but that's beside the point)
and Ben has broken up with his girlfriend.
So now the time period of wait begins...
But in other news, I've been attending a Christian Youth Group for the past two months and yesterday it was brought to our attention that we should try "fasting" for a month on something we really cared about and spent alot of time on. Well....this is what I'm fasting on
1. Reading comics
2. Theotaku
3. Deviant Art
That's right, so for a month I'm on temporary hiatus. That means I won't post, sumbit pictures, comment, anything. I apologize in advanced. The only thing i will do is pm people. So if something dire comes up, you can pm me and I will respond (it's the only way I keep in contact with one really good friend so yah) Spread the word if you can, I'll try submitting a picture letting people know. It'll end on December 1. So yah...
Have a Fantastic Halloween!
Catherine
Hey guys!
Sorry for seemingly disapearing off the face of the earth for the past couple of weeks. My life has not only been hectic, frustrating, but it's actually starting to look like it actually make some form of sense! (Such a paradox!) I'll give an abbreviated version, and I will say this, since most of the time it's only my close friends that read this, I hope that what I will tell you will not affect how you view me in a negative manner. I will say, if you give advice, try not to be too mean lol plus, just read through the whole thing before you make any judgments.
So I went to Cross Country meet in the country of Georgia about two weeks ago, that's when the madness started. As many of you may or may not know, I've been living in the country of Azerbaijan for the past three months. It's been different, but I've actually adjusted considerably well due to my friendship with a few people, but especially due to my good friend Ben.
Well, the train ride to Georgia from Baku (the city I live in) is about 14-18 hours and it took roughly about 16. Honestly, I probably got a total of five hours of sleep to and from on the train. It was actually pretty fun! Ben and I talked alot on the way up and just listened to music and talked and talked. Ben has been honestly the first person I can tell anything to. ANYTHING. I don't know, but we've both clicked in that way and since we've met we've done nothing but talk about stuff that bothers us in life, with people yatta yatta yatta. (By the way, have I mentioned he's gorgeous?) So the way up was pretty innocent. Since the train is pretty compact, we ended up sitting really close on the top bed (the train compartment consisted of two bunk beds on each wall, me and Ben took the two tops while my sister and his brother took the bottom two, yes the only people going were Ben, his twin, myself, and my younger sister lol) with my head on his shoulder but that was it.
Well, the ride BACK is a different story completely.
As many know, I have a long distance boyfriend who lives in San Antonio. What you may not know is that things have been pretty rough with that, and I've been seriously frustrated with the whole situation for quite a while. Well, on the train ride back, I came to a conclusion.
I liked Ben.
It tore me up, because not only do I have a boyfriend, but he has a girlfriend. And unfortunately for myself, Ben had been my outlet for things I didn't tell my boyfriend. So, it was quite frustrating that I liked someone that wasn't my boyfriend and I couldn't even tell someone about it! Well, needless to say, I sorta...broke down? I won't say that entirely, but I certainly wasn't calm and composed. I ended up telling him about it. To my complete surprise, he actually said he'd been feeling the same way and was actually going to tell me about it later on in the train ride. (This was probably hour four into a sixteen hour train ride) I was pretty shocked, but in a way relieved. I was glad he didn't flip out on me, cause part of me didn't want to tell him in the first place cause I was afraid it was going to be awkward.
Well, that's when things got a little out of hand...sorta.
In a "heat of the moment" sorta deal, we did kiss. And honestly, I felt absolutely terrible for it.
But, I don't regret it. I told myself I wouldn't and currently I still don't. But here's where stuff gets messier and messier. We told each other that it was a one time deal and that once we got off the train we'd go back to being friends and go back to our relationships because neither of us were sure that we could give up our current relationships. HA! LIKE THAT COULD HAPPEN. We were still flirty, unfortunately, and we were still torn up about it when we weren't distracted and it was frustrating. Not to mention, because it's a small school, since Ben and I needed to talk about stuff alone, like how we were feeling and whatnot, the entire school started talking about us, even the teachers! Teachers started going around telling each other gossip, as well as brother. (Ben's mom is a teacher, so she ended up hearing gossip and whatnot, and she even approached him with "what are you going to do about your GIRLFRIENDS?" plus she kept glaring at me every time she saw me) Of course, this only added to our frustration, and we even went a day without talking to each other practically.
And of course, we were still all "what to do" about not only each other, but with our relationships; he wasn't happy with his, his girlfriend had been wishy washy for about a month and actually was going to break up with her soon if he could, but still wasn't sure. And I was definitely unsure because I have been with my bf for almost two years.
Well, to make a long story short, after about a week of emo-ness, we both made a decision. It was actually on a Sunday, after church, when I made mine, and his was made not too long after on that Tuesday. I had prayed to God to give me peace of mind and to help me make my decision. And he did, this is the first time in a whole year that I have felt like God has answered a prayer. I'm really thankful, and it's been a huge help.
I figured this; if I was able to do something like that, then I didn't love my boyfriend as much as I should to try and keep this going, and that there is a lot of things (which would take waaay to long to list) that could go wrong, one being that I have no idea when I'll get to see him, and that could go on for the next five to six years of my life. I don't think I could take that, mentally or emotionally.
So, this Sunday, I'm going to break up with my boyfriend; not entirely because I want to date Ben, though that is certainly an underlying factor, but I had planned on doing so even if Ben wasn't going to break up with his girlfriend (which was his decision that he made all on his own). I believe that the love I once had, isn't there, and that I've just been afraid to break up with him for the past few months because I was afraid of change and afraid to let things go. And even still, me and him aren't going to rush things; we're going to wait about a month to see if we still feel the same.
And that has been basically the drama of my life condensed (trust me, if I were to go on in detail, it would be about 10 times as long as this, and this is still pretty long). I hope that everyone understands, I'm not excusing my actions in any which shape or form. What I did was wrong, but, I feel it has been an eyeopener and if it wasn't for that I would still be in a delusion and would not have started thinking about my relationship deeply if I hadn't. (like I said, there are a number of factors that went into my decision, but I just simply can't list all of them)
So I thank everyone that took the time to read this. I apologize for not being on at all these past few weeks. I hope I have to courage to go through with my plan, so yah...
Thanks again
Catherine
Hey guys!
Well, now I guess I'll really tell everyone more in detail how I'm doing! lol
To clear some things up, I actually have four people in my grade, like for seniors, and there is only one of me in my art class. Just me. No one else, I'm the only student for art! lol (I wish I had four students in art! lol)
But in other news, I'll tell you what I know of "Azerbaijan"; It used to be it's own country then it got taken over by Soviet Rule, in 1991 got back it's independence. It was a muslim country (still sorta is), but their language, Azeri, was replaced with Russian during Soviet rule. Now it's back to Azeri. When they were under Russia rule, they weren't allowed to practice their religion so most of the muslim traditions fell through. While most of the citizens are still muslim, it's not a very strict country. Women don't wear berkas, and I've honestly only seen about five people in the basic head gear (like that just covers your hair). Women can be out past nine, and it's a pretty liberal country (which is good for me, if I had to wear the berkas and stuff, I was going to cut my hair off and just pretend to be a boy. My boobs are small enough.). The traffic is atrocious, imagine people trying to deliberately run over each other and there being no traffic laws. That's how it is. But honestly the country isn't that bad, it's pretty good as far as third world countries go (I'm not being sarcastic, it is a third world country). The biggest thing is that I don't think people understand the concept of a "trashcan". There is trash everywhere and rats the size of small cats. And they have a bad habit of burning stuff...alot. But that's really it, I've never had a problem buying stuff from the market. Hey, I have internet, that's all I care about lol.
But on more interesting topics...
Like the new theme? It's Black Rock Shooter [Miiku]. Someone said that it wasn't Miku, but I mean, she looks like Miku, has Miku's voice...isn't that basically Miku? Hm...O well. I still think she looks freaking badass. So yah...
I've start down my list of drawings. Here they are as well as the completed ones
1.Sasuke Uchiha
2.Luka
3.Kaito
4. Kasane Teto (request)
5. Avarice's avi (request)
6. Contest (fav naruto guy)
7. Smexykazekage's pic (request
8. Summoner Umi's pic (request)
9. Crimson Zombie's pic (request)
10. Hope (original art)
Not in that order, but yah. Hopefully my hand won't fall off. lol
O! Before I forget, something freaky has happened to me while in Azeri land! Like, my friends and I went downtown, and they met a guy that used to go to their school, a British guy. Just from looking at him, he looked like a druggie, but I didn't say anything. Then he asked if I had a phone, and if we could exchange numbers. Not be rude, I said that I did (cause everyone knew that I had one) and we exchanged numbers. As soon as we left my friends told me never to meet that guy again because he was a serious druggie and that he basically got kicked out of the school for it. Not thirty minutes after we left, the guy texted me! O_O And it continued for the next two weeks, with him trying to call numerous times! It was freaking me out, cause I really didn't respond to him. Finally my guy friend, Ben, said he'd try to take care of it. He took my phone when the guy was calling one time and tried talking to him. Apparently the British guy thinks I'm "hot" (dear God I don't have a clue why...), and basically wants to...you know =_=;; (It's nice that i come across like that, not). Ben tries to tell him to leave me alone, that I have a bf in the states and that i'm not interested but apparently he still thinks he could. Then Ben lied and said that me and him switched numbers. That sorta worked, then the guy started texting again, and then I had to text him back like I was Ben. He finally stopped about four days ago. That was so freaky, I almost got my dad to intervene cause this guy just wouldn't stop texting and stuff...so freaky.
And that's all! Hopefully I do good on my Calculus test later! ^^
Hope you guys are having a great day!
Catherine
HEY GUYS!
*glomps*
Man, it feels like it's been forever since i've made a post here! O_O Well, we've finally made it to our final destination, and I think I can tell you guys where I am finally. I'm living in the middle eastern country of "Azerbaijan", a country that borders Iran, Russia, and one of the countries that borders the Caspian Sea. We've been here for about a month and I just started getting internet about three days ago.
Things have been decent over here, I've met a few people that I enjoy hanging around, but the classes are SMALL! I'm the only one in my art class! lol (We're going to be the graduating class of FOUR! lol)
I won't go on too much cause I'm supposed to be studying! BUT I LOVE EVERYONE! Thanks for putting up with me! I hope to be able to start commenting soon!
love
Catherine
