Lukaiel. 21. INFP and a Taurus.
Femboy/androgyne. He/Him.
A pale prince. Taken by the knight of my heart.
Eccentric and anxious. Empath. Healer.
Fantasy/erotica writer. Artist. The biggest history geek.
Self-proclaimed fashionista and self-taught makeup artist. Aspiring model.
Absolutely nerdy in any way possible. Lover of the dark and spooky but also the cute and adorable. ~

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getting it together

hey guys, it's been a while, once again;;

i recently moved out of my house! right now i'm living with emka and her fiance in their apartment.
long story short: after my mom passed away, the house with my stepdad and half brother became a living hell. they refused to help me keep the place clean, keeping food for me, and the stress got to be too much for me.
so i'm with friends now, and it's honestly already been so much better than the house. they always make sure i'm taken care of, and i feel so comfortable.
i'm currently looking for a job still. it's really hard, but i'm trying my best. but the plan is to make some money, then get my health back on track. get to a doctor finally, back on my meds and hopefully on some new ones. start hormones. my roomies are very supportive of me, and it's amazing. i feel like i've become about a million times more gay since living here lolol.

i also had my first table at an artist alley at a local con with emka about a week or two ago! we made good money considering the circumstances of us not being totally prepared. it was also my first con that i'd been to for an entire weekend. i made a few really cool new friends, and we're already planning to do another table for naka-kon next year. i'm honestly so excited!!
we'll be going to neb-con in november as well :D but just for fun.

anyways, there's your update! i swear i'll try to be more active~

-Kai <3

curious

does anyone here still RP anymore? i'd love to start a new world up...

-Kai

here!!

long time, no theotaku... heh.

well.. i can't lie, life has been really hard.

about a month ago, my mom passed away from cancer. it was really sudden.. she basically had given up on treatment and also decided that she wasn't going to take her insulin anymore for her diabetes. we thought that she had at least half a year left. but she was worse than we thought.
i had called her ambulance because she was in so much pain, and that was the last time i saw her.
we had the funeral and everything, so we've been trying to move on. but honestly it doesn't feel like she's really gone. even now. i keep finding myself wandering to her room to tell her about things but then i remember...

after her passing, i've been the one to take on her responsibilities in the household. and on top of my own issues, this is hard. trying to keep the house clean when all my stepdad and half brother want to do is destroy it. trying to find a job. i've had to postpone college. everything is stressful. and i'm trying the best i can, but...
i've also been struggling really bad with my body image and dysphoria. worse than its ever been. i want to talk with my meds consultant about maybe starting gender therapy or something but i feel like it'd cause problems with my family so i'm refraining.

um... my 21st birthday is coming up! and it's going to be great. my squad is having fun planning it and i'm excited. i honestly can't believe i've made it this far in life haha.
the Not So Distant Future Life Plan is to move out next year, close to my boyfriend's town with him. so i can start school, he can finish school. then after that's done, we can both move to my city to stay. i'm not looking forward to living in such a small town but it's only for a year or two. and it's only about an hour and a half away from where i currently live so i'll survive.

i guess that's all i've got going on right now, so i'll end this post. i hope everyone is doing well. i still love you all very much okay? i haven't forgotten this place and it's lovely otaku peeps <3

-Kai

am alive

whoops i keep forgetting to upload and update on this site.
i'll try to get better at that!!
but it's hard when not much is happening;; heh.

so i'll actually be starting school in august rather than when i was supposed to start last month. lollll... so rn i've been looking for a part time job in the meantime.

this year is going to be quite eventful!! i'm going to naka con in march, renfaire in april, DISNEY!!! sometime for jason and i's anniversary, and em's wedding in august. and who knows what else.

anyway yeah, i just wanted to pop back in to remind you all that i'm still alive and still here. <3

-Kai

life recap

i'll summarize some important things that happened last year o:

-i got fired from auntie anne's in january, for missing too much work due to my anxiety about my rude coworkers.

-around march, my mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer, in both her lung and colon. she doesn't work anymore, or drive much. some days are better than others depending on her treatments. but she seems to be doing better these days!

-another march event: one of my besties got engaged! Emily! she brought the old squad together again (Ashley, Katie, Emily and myself) to be her bridesmaids. Ashley and i reconciled and are really close friends again. the squad has become close-knit and we see eachother pretty often.

-i got a job at walmart in march. made a lot of friends there, a good amount of money, was treated really well and was told i was one of the best workers and loved working there. but i got fired in july(?), due once again to absences caused by my anxiety.

-celebrated four years together with Jason in july!! still together, still very much in love <3

-i started looking for another job after walmart, but decided against it since my mom needs me home more often than not. but now i'm part of a program for people with disabilities which helps to get training for careers! so i'm working towards something in cosmetology. sometime this year i'll be in school for more general courses to get my applied science degree, and later i'll be transfered to a different campus to focus on getting my cosmetology licenses.
i'll have to move to another town on my own or with Jason while i'm at the second campus, but that's later down the road...

and here we are!

all that's happening lately is preparing with Em to share an artist table at our local con this summer!! so i've been trying hard to improve my art and become more professional with it. and i've been hanging out with friends and Jason a lot lately, which is really great.
lots of reading and playing video games too!!
and though i don't do it as often as i should, i've started writing again.

so here's to a great 2017!! i hope this year is amazing to all of us. <3

-Kai

End