So I got my hair cut today.
As I sat down, I began to think of the life I had with this hairstyle. I began it in the summer between Grade 10 and 11. I had just gotten into anime, and, being who I am, became obsessed with the hair I saw. I knew that my hair would not be able to achieve such gravity-defying feats as most styles did, so I settled on something that I believed I would be able to achieve. As such, my next haircut, I decided to let some parts grow long and spikey.
And that was how it began.
So I got my hair cut today.
But it was not the usual trim. I was not merely doing away with some hair like we do away with some of ourselves every so often, and decide to change one or two things, but stay pretty much the same. I had decided to change the style entirely; as though one were to look at themselves, and decide it was a time for them to change part of who they are.
So I got my hair cut today.
And as the pieces of my hair fell around me, I thought about the person I had become in these past five years (almost). Who I was, what I valued, and how I thought others saw me all began to flood my mind. "Am I really happy with this?" I asked myself.
I thought about my many nuances, my preferences, how I acted in various situations…I thought about who I was as a person, and where everything I had become came from. I began to see various things that I realized were truly childish feelings and actions, yet ones that I had become accustomed to, and so excused them from being discarded as I matured. I had argued that they were not childish, but were necessary to whom I am.
So I got my hair cut today.
And as more and more of my hair dropped, I began to make promises to myself. I knew that not all I would keep. Some were far too extreme to be able to just suddenly tell myself I would follow through. But others I knew I could, and would make the effort for. I told myself that I would discard these things that I had now deemed no longer "what I wanted", just I as I discarded the hair that now lay below me.
And as the last of the hair was shorn from me, I told myself that it was time to change.
I have always thought of myself as a mature person. I know that I do have the responsibility and maturity to take care of myself properly on my own.
But is that really enough; all that I want?
I felt that it was now a time for a change. I had been growing over the years, no doubt of that. But I had been bringing other things with me as well. I had been collecting for far too long, and was now feeling the weight of all the things I had gathered to be me, and realized that I needed a change of style.
It was time to cut away some of who I was.
So as my hair cut was finished, I began to shower.
The bits of hair that had stuck to me itched. Who knows whether or not these things I had decided to get rid of would indeed be what I wanted to be rid of? But I felt that I at least had to change, otherwise I would never know.
And so I washed, and the pieces of hair fell away. I felt relieved. I felt like I had made a good choice.
As I reached for shampoo, and began to put some into my hand, I caught myself using way too much. I had much less hair now, I no longer needed…I no longer HAD so much to wash. Maybe with my new choices, I wouldn’t feel the need to wash away as much; need to get rid of as much of what I felt were mistakes that I had been making with how I acted.
And as I stepped out of the shower, and looked at my new hair for the first time, dreading to see what I expected to be terrible, I was surprised.
I liked what I saw.
Had his hair cut today,
- Kastom
