So as you may or may not know, I'd been on hiatus for a pretty long time up until the recent flux of drawlloween drawings. I've been rather depressed and with no real motivations or goals in tow.
However, after trying to do a drawing a day (not entirely successfully, but I did get 31 1/2 drawings out of it...) it's kinda shown me that I can draw even if I'm not 100% conscious. There were days when I was out of it or really sad or tired because of being up late, but I still was able to do something once I plugged in my tablet. It kinda gave me a bit of a jumpstart. And I was thinking that after drawlloween was over, it would be a shame to go back to doing no artwork at all.
So what changes does this bring about? Well, something along the lines of:
1. A new drawing every week - (depending on work schedule, may or may not be during the weekend) If I can't think of anything or the mood suits me, I'll put up a post asking for prompts and choose one to draw. They're not requests, so please don't ask outside of those messages. I no longer do requests because I am broke and my time and skills are valuable.
2. Possible comics every month - There were some comics I'd considered working on while on hiatus. One being a revamp of Fear to Love with updated art and an improved storyline. It'll be the same general story, but I'd like to improve the pacing.
3. One really big project! - This one I can't say too much about, but there's been a project I started a couple months ago in small bits. I will say this: it will be an interactive experience that many of the female audience would enjoy~ Over time as more gets done with it, I'll start leaking content to get up the hype =eUe=
4. Maybe some short stories and possibly erotic fiction/fan-fiction - I can't put any of that here, but I'll put up a post with a link to it on deviantArt. Only mature audiences only, sorry.
I'm going to take baby steps to begin with, but I want to try to keep my output consistent. I had a lovely small following back in the day, and it's about time I put in some work to rebuild that =) Any thoughts? Actually, to commemorate this, I'll take suggestions for my first drawing which I'll likely have up in a week, depending on the speed/number of suggestions. Cheer me on, guys =D
Hope everyone's had/is having an awesome Halloween =D
Someone on facebook told me my art was gorgeous... I don't even know how to respond to that... =>_<= Another friend said I was awesome. "Like Piccolo fused with Neil awesome" Which is pretty darn awesome. I also don't know what to do with that. All I can say is "Thank you" without really believing it.
I've been able to draw for drawlloween because I have vague objectives. I've forced myself to get started sometimes, but it's also ridiculously easy once the tablet is plugged in. However, much like anything else in my life right now, it feels like my body is going through the motions while my mind, heart, and spirit are floating around nearby.
I've been feeling... disconnected, I guess is the term. Like I am controlling my actions remotely from outside my body. By no means does my feeling this way indicate I'll give up art. Although I say that, I almost want to. But I feel like without art, I'd have nothing. Well, there's one other thing I can't live without... My ability to sing. If I lost that, I would probably die from my heart snapping in two. It's not as though I want to make a living off my singing or anything, I'm far from professionally trained... I kinda feel like, just like with my art, I'd like to leave my voice behind in some way, too. If I can create one great artwork and leave behind a moving vocal, I could move on in peace.
Things have been hard for me mentally even more now that my boyfriend isn't in the country anymore. It's been over a year. Part of me has given up. The other part hopes for his return. We keep in touch and I worry about him. But another part that has been scarred too much to love properly worries I can't give him what he really wants in the relationship.
Really, I'd just like the screaming inside my head to stop. Some people would say there's an obvious answer to that. And maybe it would stop that way, but I doubt what's on the other side would be any better for me. So what does one do when there's nothing in the afterlife and nothing in the present life to look forward to?
Why are we born when many of us will have no clue why we're here? It's been getting simultaneously harder and easier to live life. Going through the motions if I get through the day outside my house, I can get back. But to what end? I am utterly useless on my own.
I don't know how to end this rambling, so I'll just say: The End.
Since it's been a long day at work and having to do some chores right after getting back (and on little sleep), I've decided to rest for the night and do two drawings tomorrow.
Coming up are the haunted house and zombie~
In case I don't finish before I head to bed, here's a WIP of the day 6 pumpkin theme. I think this character is creepypasta material X3