I've managed to calm down and I feel better, now. Gosh, if you could harness the power of mood swings, you could power an enntire country! XD Lol
But things are still rather busy busy busy XD;; I haven't had a chance to write out Raine's part for PGR. I've been trying to do this one entry for a challenge, althought it's come to a bit of a crawl atm. And more homework will be pouring in this week! Yaaaay~ *dies*
Just wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive and I'll do my best to try to get to Raine's part soon! Ja mata minna-san! *runs away*
For the first time in a long time. It's mostly hormones since it's lady time of the month ha... But I feel kinda bad because I almost cried in front of the guy I like... half the reason I'm so frustrated (besides the mood swings) is because I like him, but I don't know what to do about it.
What was nice was he invited me to his office (he's president of a gaming club on campus) to study together, which I thought was completely saucesome... I was all nervous, since I knew that it's a small intimate office (... there's a couch) But of course, I knew it was going to be just about studying, which it was, and I'm fine about that. However, because of all the hormonal loser imbalance, I kept feeling insecure, or paranoid, or whatever... I kinda was slightly snippy. I don't think I said anything in the office, really... I can't even remember at this point (just letting you know, it's not like there was a fight or anything...) Well, he'd been giving me rides home every other night since the semester started, so I said I'd walk home for once. (Also, I knew I was an emotional wreck, so I didn't want to be that way ion front of him) Then he mentioned that he felt like I was trying to push him out the door (I had asked him if he'd planned to stay the whole class period) and I felt like I'd done something really bad and at that point, I was starting to lose a little control so before I'd started crying, I was telling him that I'd walk after all, and he continued to insist that he'd give me a ride. I finally said "I really would rather just walk home" but my voice cracked, so at that point, he knew something was wrong. I was already several steps away and he was trying to coax me back. I walked back and he gave me a hug (not long enough for me, but hey, it's late XD). And he was trying to comfort me and stuff. He doesn't know that the reason I was almost crying was because I'm agonizing over what to do about him, though...
Anyway, he gave me a right home and I sincerely thanked him after we sat there and talked for a bit. After I stepped inside, though, my face was sad. My mom asked me if I was okay, and I really couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I was crying but I felt stupid because I was crying for no real reason in particular, but I couldn't help it... Just like my whole insecure, ping-pong thought process... This time around, it's hormones. But also, I'd been holding back on crying because I didn't feel like I deserved to cry or that I should cry. And even though I know that's a bunch of bull, it didn't help because I'd still try to stop myself from crying before it got too far. Gah, I just keep thinking about how scared I am that I'm going to ruin a friendship because of my feelings. And I'm sure it's not just that problem, as there's a bunch of other things that are stressing me. It's just that's what's at the forefront of my mind atm.
*sigh* I may have more crying that I need to do, but for now, I'm just tired. Mata ne, minna *goes to bed*
I've been feeling under 100% since last week orz The day before the semester started (last Monday, I started getting a sore throat, but it really came full circle over the weekend... then I didn't get enough rest yesterday, so I was exhausted and I think that was causing me to be clmsy because all day I kept dropping stuff, bumping into things, and knocking stuff over... At first it was a little funny, but then I was liek... "Ok, I need to stay away from valuable stuff..." And now today I have a headache (as well I was still tired this morning). I'm just cooling off with a cold washcloth on my head, but I've been burning up on and off for the past couple days... and it doesn't help that the computer lab at college is frickin' 95 degrees... orz
I figure I'll even out soon, but I'm feelin kinda crappy in the meantime... Pfft, not happy... Sum'mun gimme some magic poshun to heels mah heead... *fall over*
... I think I'll go now... Mata...
EDIT: Um... I'm a couple days behind day 7 XD lol, but here it is anyway X3
Decided to try this meme, too XD
Day 1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.
Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.
Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.
Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.
Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.
Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.
Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets
Day 1 - Pride (Puraido X3)
1. I think I sing pretty well =3
2. I've improved so much in my artwork over the years! =D I used to worry about whether I'd get better X3
3. My guy drawings are hawt =eue=
4. I manage to get through my classes pretty well =3
5. I'm cute XD *is hit with a pillow*
7. When I need to, I'm a hard worker.
Day 2 - Envy (Enbii X33)
1. I wish I had bigger Boobs XD;;
2. I would like longer hair
3. I wish I could sing even better
4. I want to be able to draw even better
5. I want more manga
6. I want to be able to be braver/stronger/more outgoing
7. I want to find true love and happiness
Day 3 - Wrath (Uraasu ; A;)
1. People ingnoring me
2. People insulting my intelligence
3. Being ordered around
4. Being woken before my alarm goes off
5. Being interrupted
6. People who give up too easily when it's obviously not that hard >n>*
7. Looking forward to something (usually food) and finding it's all gone... "orz
Day 4 - Sloth (Surosu XD lolz That's definitely my biggest one...)
1. I keep putting off my senior project XD;; (Although I've been making sure to do a little each day now that it's comign down to the wire =3)
2. I don't usuallyeat breakfast until noon or later nowadays... =>_>;= By then it's lunch XD;;
3. I kinda let my room go too far... Then it become a danger zone XD;;
4. I leave the garbage until garbage day instead of the day before XD;;
5. I leave homeowrk until the last minute (although since this is my last semester, I'm going to try harder to get thins done on time)
6. I let my laundry pile up XD;;
7. Sometimes I put off drawing because I'm not in the mood... "orz
Day 5 - Greed (Guriddo Hm... >.>)
1. Manga
2. Video Games/Including systems
3. Anime
4. Art Supplies/Office Supplies
5. Comfy bed
6. Laptop
7. MP3 Player
Day 6 - Gluttony (Guratteni Mmmm~)
1. OMG CHEESE! <3<3<3
2. Trail's Best Meat & Cheese Snacks <3
3. Green Tea
4. Ham <3
5. Aunt Millie's Plain Bagels with cream cheese
6. Palmer's Mint Favor (Omg, they're soooo good~<3)
7. Subway Sandwiches (I can't has them unless I buys them myself =;_;=)
Day 7 - Lust (Rasuto X3 Bow Chika Wah Wow~)
1. I got my first kiss while I was blindfolded X3 I was too scared to see it coming X3 lol
2. The front porch was my ex's and my primary makeout spot XD
3. I'm still "innocent..." Rather my timecard hasn't been punched XD;;
4. I've only ever kissed two guys in my life =o3o=
5. I didn't get my first (and to this day only thus far) boyfriend until I was 18... I'd like to hopefully get my next before I turn 24 XD;;
6. I still think about my first love from 3rd grade and wonder what he's like now... I never saw him after 3rd grade... *sad song plays*
7. I usually prefer younger guys... I'm not a cougar XD;;
(I kept my "love secrets" rated pg-13 XD; I'm sure I have a few juicier ones, but some of y'all are just young'ns X3 *pats your heads*)
Well, I don't know if I posted this, but my dad came back from the hospital on Thursday. Which we're happy about =3 But now we have to count calories for all his meals =/ Also, we have to make sure he stays up for a majority of the day so he won't stay up all night, or at least for a good part of it. Since mom has to work, she needs her rest and he always comes out and wakes her up, not know what time it is.
*sigh* And now I can't sleep in... Not even on a Saturday =>_>;= At least not this Saturday. The only time I feel I can get anything done is during later hours when everyone else is asleep.
So the post for PGR is going slowly... I have dishes tonight, too... orz Argh... Also I've been using some time to do a little work/research toward my senior project.
Well, guess I'll go these dumb dishes... =>n>;= Mata ne =TTuTT=
