This is mainly for when i need help with certain problems that may or may not be serious. I am mostly asking for suggestions on what i should do or how i should overcome certain heartaches i guess you could say on daily life. Hope you all could help me ^-^ This is also for getting to know me better if any are interested.

Dreams that are far to Reach

Hello everyone! its been awhile or seemed at least it felt that way. I know that i don't know as much as everyone , and its understandable that i may be incorrect on numerous things. Sometimes i feel as though I am wrong on much of everything that corresponds with my daily life. Usually i just ignore it , but most of the time if you don't have that potential to hide your feelings and let hurtful words or actions slide. You burst into any emotion that you feel locked deep inside. My family says that I am strong but i think otherwise. I believe I am vulnerable when it comes to the outside world. I don't like change , its not that its a bad thing. Its that I am so far behind and feel like a belong in the past. I struggle to keep up with everyone else. Family , friends and the ones i keep close to my heart. There are times when i feel as though I am just everyone's doll or toy being thrown around , shattered , broken or disabled to do what i was created to do. But a few years later that someone finds something else that is much cooler or much more advanced that I am not even worth there time to worry about. Sooner or later I am thrown out. right now , I am typing this and thinking to myself should i share something personal like this or would it be wrong to rely on others for support? To be honest I am easily frightened of myself when i make decisions. If you don't pick the right choice or right action it leads to some disappointment or someone close gets hurt in some way.
I am easily ignored and avoided so i don't blame anyone who does think so. I guess I am only seeking something or someone at least to understand. Did you all know before i wanted to become an artist. I wanted to be a scientist. And no ordinary scientist , a scientist that wanted to study on emotions and feelings and find a way to cure hate , sadness , and depression. Weird huh? xD than after that dream subsided i wanted to become an artist. Though I believe even then I think i don't fit in. My art isn't the best nor the worst its just simple i guess would be the right thing to say. but last year or two Would you believe me if I said i wanted to become a butler for a family. Rich , poor or a family that needs a nobody who would be happy enough to be able to help in some way. Honestly , i hate cursing throughout my household , hate the feeling of wanting to disappear and most of all. Hate the laziness that my family has at some points. I try to be considerate as much as possible , I try to be kind and work out some sort of agreement but alas it is to be not.
So in the end of this little part of my life. My Dreams are just too far to Reach. ^-^

Life with Meaning

Hey everyone! How are all of you doing? I hope well because , today I feel great , a little hyper but great nonetheless. ( LOL ) So , recently i have decided everyday besides Sunday I'll be going through my list of anime I have watched and attempt to draw/sketch my favorite character/s from them. recently i have done so with Nabari , strike witches , Phantom; Requiem for the phantom , Le chevalier D'eon and Demon King Daimao. I'll be uploading at least 2 to 3 a day depending on how my emotions and/or stress , since I'm very busy taking care of my family day in and day out. ( its not a problem so don't think negatively ) I have said before this "world" is to describe more about myself , well in such terms I have. depending on how my emotions are triggered so to speak. It also reflects on my art. sometimes i want to post some of my art here but yet I am afraid to because some of them are very personal on my life and others could be depressing or disturbing. Today! however , is different I am happy and full of spirit yet at some points I do feel very... "down". Don't worry Though! I'll still be around I promise you all that Just for all of you wonderful people here in theO. So I give my thanks and sincere joy in being here with you all. ^-^

Why do I break?

so umm yeah my day so far kinda sucked and wish it would end but i know once today is over tomorrow will be another screwed up day. right now i can't tell if I hate myself so much i would die , or hate myself to the point i don't care what happens to me , in terms of pain or torment. I would like to speak to someone close but i feel i don't have anyone like that. so i vent out my frustration and my pain. sorry if this is a bit much , its just very difficult for me to understand and to live a life i can't really control. I will admit however when i talk to anyone on theO , i feel more and more accepted than i do in rl i suppose.

My Friends

I just want to let everyone on here know that I am truly happy to meet all of you. from supporting me , to encouragement and to be plainly awesome. I just wanted to share the love that i have for my friends! ^-^

When Tears are Drawn

Hello every Otaku lover out there. Its Kris again. ( yes its my real name ) so today i have been feeling rather lonely and alone these past couple of days. some things just haven't been going how it should. I expect nice things to happen but end up being hurt and exile myself away from all whom i call my family. These feelings i endure constantly , and so... I draw them. ALONE was one such drawing. The character reflects a sort of life style of mine where deep within my heart and soul it feels as if it is shattered and step on , turning to dust to those i wanted to say " Hey , will you be my friend ". None of you really know me from my school life so i'll give you some time to think of how I have felt. Okay , for one I was never good on tests. ( midterms specifically ) A fear of nervousness and anxiety overwhelm me at times but in most cases i did fairly well some much better than others. My favorite classes were those of Art and Literature. my least favorite was P.E. I didn't suck at sports or anything i just never took a joy in participating. especially with others. During middle school i was picked on most of the time because i never fought back or started an argument. I smiled and accepted it and walked away as i usually do. Every kid boy and girl sometimes teachers avoided me later on. I had an aura of emptiness and solitude that made others afraid. Don't get me wrong , I did have friends but they didn't last long. I moved constantly so i could never make any real friends whom i can call or come visit and such , so eventually i became a loner. I loved being alone for a time. too long i might add. during my highschool days I've became a ghost. A spectre lurking in corners where no one looks , sat at the end of the classroom alone away from everyone. Took my studies but most of the time i day dreamed , forgetting everything that currently existed in the classroom. Imagining. thinking. Every time i came in contact in these participation's in class I came to conclusions with scenarios running through my mind. Always thinking the most depressive route but most of the time i wanted to smile and say " sure let's have fun" or such. But in the end. I was slowly becoming an outcast. Soon everyone forgot my name and my existence. It kinda feels similar to the anime i watched called Another. anyway. I was in NY at the time finishing my days in highschool. going to an art program with other artists whom I remember , but to my torment they have forgotten all about me. I currently have two friends whom I talk to. though most of the time we don't. I'm sharing this because i think of you all as precious friends of mine. Although i'm really distant and shy in Life , I am too kind hearted to share what really harms me. Loneliness was the first "curse" I have felt. Forgive me if this disturbs any of you. I wanted to all to know who I am and what i want to become.
I have drawn something that would bring a tear to your eye but to my misfortune. it was ripped apart and thrown out. It was an Eye overlooking the devastation of our home from all our hate and violence. The picture reflected how I saw things where life was so unfair yet so beautiful at the same time. I just want to be able to continue seeing how my life will change from this dark depressing life to a more fruitful and luscious one. One where i could tell you all how i really feel deep inside.
Thanks for taking the time to read this for any of those who care. It really helps to know I have people whom i can relate to. ^-^