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Sorry for inactivity, but here's a meme

Sorry I have been so still have a lot more but I will have fall break soon so I will definitely go back and check on the things I missed...

But as a study breaker...

I saw this meme on tumblr and I wanted to do it real bad...;3;

Maybe I should do it on tumblr, but I have never posted something like this on tumblr and I usually do it on here soooo...whatevs...doin it here

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone? I can't think of anything...

πŸ’— if you could hug anyone, who would it be? My friend who comforted me when I was sad...;3;

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why? Nymphia/Sylveon because pink, fairy-type Eevee = love; Yamirami/Sableye because its soooo cuuuute; Rayquaza because dragons are cool, especially green ones; Male Gardevoir because super powerful, elegant, and I like to think of the male ones as crossdressers and I like crossdressers

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like? Probably apocalyptic and chaotic with sadness and suffering. Similar to today but no first world countries, everything is like medieval era. Why? Because I think my laws would be too strict and I'd work hard to enforce them until everyone is unhappy.

πŸ‘€ what was the most recent vivid dream that you had? I had one recently but I can't remember it right now...;3; But a few weeks ago I had a dream that my friends all tried to kill my best friend friend and I couldn't do anything about it. So when I woke up I messaged her just to make sure she was alive! XD

β˜€οΈ what do you like the most about your best friend? I have many best friends, but for the previous friend it just how aggressively kind she is. She says she is very shy but she makes me a more outgoing person somehow! XD

😘 talk about your crush or partner No thank you...;;

πŸ’ if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back? Nah, I just straight up tell them they are being rude.

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!) Ambitious, tries to think out of the box, genuine

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it? Bugs. Withholding the screams???

🎁 what never fails to make you happy? New manga chapter. Or when people compliment me by saying that my art looks like my favourite artist (This is the best compliment I have ever received...;w;)

πŸ’™ what annoys you about some people? When people are inconsiderate of others

😀 do you get angry easily? Not really, I get more disappointed easily...Like I easily shun others, not so much that I am angry.

πŸ‡ what do you always daydream about? Various manga stories in my head and also how to go about drawing certain pictures.

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change? Make the world's most popular religion on which is concerned with the purity of water, make borders and thoughts of nationalism non-existent, make it so that things decay at a slower rate

πŸ“ send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

✈️ what is your dream city and why? A city with lots of game centres that is also very safe, clean, and bright with lots of benches.

β˜•οΈ talk about your ideal day Being product in writing manga, eating something yummy for dinner and eating something yummy for dessert, then watching either an anime, dorama, or movie and then going to sleep for 12 hours.

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert? I'd like to say ambivert, but I have never been able to relate to ambivert traits and only to introvert traits so...introvert.

πŸ’§ when was the last time you cried? Last saturday because I told my friend a secret I didn't want to say (so take that first question, only thing I hadn't said as a secret I just told my friend last saturday)

🎡 name 5 songs you love at the moment Juice=Juice-Dream Road ~Kokoro ga odoridashite~; Angerme - Umaku ienai; Susumu Hirasawa - Forces 2016; Alice Nine - Shining; Kidori Kidori - Outsider

⚑️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why? A book like Chrollo where I can just copy other people's superpowers~ :3 'cause I enjoy studying and I can't make up my mind on one specific superpower.

πŸ’› if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say? You can be a manga artist so practice and learn how to write like one. Ignore what people tell you about how to write webcomics or American comics because that doesn't help, it just confuses you.

πŸ’š who are you jealous of and why? People who live in Japan who want to be manga artists. Do they not realize how easy they have it?? ;m;

πŸ’Ž which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why? Intelligence. Can never get enough.

πŸ™Š what are you ashamed of? Liking somebody...just because it makes me distracted from my goals...

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn? English, Japanese, a little bit of Chinese and Spanish. I'd like to learn Chinese more and also Korean. I want to be able to have conversations with all my friends and artists that I like

πŸ€ if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be? Chihaya from Harvest Moon

☁️ talk about your dream universe. A world that is like shoujo manga where everything is innocent

πŸ’œ which acts of kindness are you going to do today? The day is over in like an hour so...

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why? Baku, definitely. I love these creatures the most because I like dreams and nightmares.

πŸ„ talk about someone/something you really dislike This one guy at my school recently. I thought he was a good guy but guhh...not true at all, he just disgusts me.

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately The above. My friend is dating the above guy despite him being an obvious pervert and I just lost faith in can you be so stupid. Like I understand people can be different but right now he is a depressed alcoholic. Don't date him until he has things together especially if he is your first boyfriend and you are a foreigner...ughh...drama...>3>

πŸͺ what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now? Mangaka~ Still mangaka~ I actually wanted to make video games or do the concept art but I thought it was similar to making comics...for some reason...

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods? Anything chocolate, anything with cinnamon, macarons, bubble tea

πŸ‘ what are you obsessed with? Apparently Yamazaki Kento, but I don't think so! XD Probably recently, boys clothing...Sometimes I wish I was a boy (with the body of a boy)

πŸ’˜ what happens to you when you’re stressed? I can't eat anything and I get lots of acne

πŸ˜ͺ what are you sick of? Americans...specifically party people which are very present on college campuses (I live next to the dorms with the biggest parties on campus...)

πŸ™€ are you an adrenaline seeker? Not at all! XD I get an adrenaline boost from dropping something

πŸ’₯ what are some unpopular opinions that you have? Just a recent one. I don't believe that, for instance, your family is Japanese, but you grew up in America, I don't believe that you are Japanese. You are American because you grew up in that environment. So if you were to go live in Japan you are just as a much of a foreigner. Same for people who come from other countries to live in America. You aren't American, not unless you learn to understand the American perspective a deeply as possible. It isn't a bad thing, it's just an inevitable obstacle anybody has in trying to assimilate to another country. It's just like those sorts of people shouldn't be able to speak for Japanese if you did not grow up in Japan, or speak for Americans if you did not grow up in America. That's how we create more misundestandings.

β˜”οΈ would you consider yourself a good person? Yeah I guess so. I don't really do anything that other people would consider bad.

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies? Dancing and rhythm games

🎀 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself? Chocolate Disco by Perfume

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it? Shyness. Taking a leap of faith as much as possible.

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored? Noses, faces, people's backs (usually because my back hurts)

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams? Currently? Distance and visa paperwork/no job

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you? INFP. Because I'm a dreamer...;3;

🐢 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

πŸ‘‘ who are your favourite celebrities and why? Yamazaki Kento because he is so gorgeous. Yu Aoi because she is also gorgeous. Lesean Thomas because he is our lord and savior.

🐴 opinion on __? Lines and spaces...sometimes they are hard to find on various keyboards in games and stuff.

πŸ‹ do you consider yourself an emotional person? Yep, definitely. That is the main word people use to describe me.

πŸ“š share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them. Umm...Count of Monte Cristo x3...but I can't quote from it right now because time.

πŸ˜” what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help? Watch an episode of game grumps. It does until the episode ends...XD And then I have to watch the next one. It is seriously an addiction.

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad? Like positive thoughts? Depends on the situation. It's usually some situation to the problem I was having.

🌍 which country do you live in? America

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words Shy, loud, strange

🐡 which quotes changed you? Ughhhh I can't remember...a recent one I was like 'ohmaigawd wow' but I forgot it...

πŸ’­ do you keep a diary? I have tried but it always ended up going to weird philosophical places and then I'd stop.

πŸ’« who inspires you? Lesean Thomas, John Ridley, Igarashi Daisuke, Urasawa Naoki, Hagio Moto

πŸ‘» do you believe in ghosts and why? Nope, but I like the stories they go with. 'cause I can't think of a single scientific possibility of how they could exist.

πŸŽ€ what’s your fashion sense like? My friend once said like a pageboy, which I can totally see. Like kodona with lots of browns and olives, lace, and cats.

🎬 what are some of your favourite films? City of Life and Death, Love&Pop, Love Exposure, Lord of the Rings, Castle in the Sky

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory? When my class gave me a surprise birthday party because I had never had one before...;w;

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why? Sakamoto Shinichi. I want to work as an assistant for himmmm...;3;

Finished with Application :D

The application I keep complaining about on here I finally submitted todayγ€œ

And I could be doing homework now but I haven't been able to sleep very much recently (parties next door and the application...) so my body hurts so much...and I keep losing internet on my laptop....I am ready to go to sleep but it is still too early to I thought I would post randomly on here.

So yeah I hVe been really busy with the application, i also had to add an extra class to my schedule becauss I had to change my major and if is a complicated annoying story. I am glad it is resolved, but I don't like taking a morning class even though it is a fun class (intro history class...which shouldn't be fun, but I am good with history).

But through all of this I accidentally forgot about my art projects being due so I can't relax as much,...but luckily the extra history class has no hw next week for some weird reason....we are talking about our research papers and how to write one...bruh, I have done tat in like every class. But most of the students are freshmen so it makes sense.

And so I haven't had time work on my webcomic or other homework, as said above. Now I finally have time but I need to catch up on homeworkkkkk

Maybe I will finally get into a good schedule where I can work on my webcomic...

I actually have a lot written for it, I just need to work on the panel layout more and the dialogue cause I am missing some important info and I need to redraw it all...

It is so weird. I thought me turning in my application would make me super happy and energetic, but I just feel even more exhausted...

Welp tomorrow and over the weekend I will get all my art projects together and maybe work on some other things...


Webcomic idea!

Sorry for so many posts this week...this is the only one that should be posted. The other ones are just me going insane...XD

I have been getting ready and packing for my last year in college!

It's been slow because I forgot how to pack for a year instead of a few months or a week....

This year is going to be weird for me because applications. Which I have complained about earlier. And all my class this year are ART CLASSES! HUZZAH! Now I sure do feel like an art major. I am excited to have my brain go into the zone better instead of being confused in frustrated. I know that'll happen anyway, but still. Also they all start in the middle of the day~ No morning classes~ Same building~

Then some of my friends from Japan are coming as exchange students and I finally get to see them again once I go back~ Excited for these things...

However I just got a message from one of my best friends that she won't be coming this semester because he parents got divorced and she felt it would be best to stay with them. Which is so sad, and I hate that that happened to her family because they were really must be terrible for her..

But on my end...she was the only one I could think of doing fun stuff with....;m; Now all my ideas for this year are out the window....TT^TT

This also means I only have 5 friends still on campus including the Japanese student....;m; This means I have to make friends I forgot how (which is totally not true since I made several friends this year) it's gonna be a scary and lonely year and I hope I don't bother the Japanese students too much...I hung out with one of them a lot when I was in Japan so I guess it'll be the same as when I was in Japan? XD


Anyway....As I was packing I found some weird a dead lizard in my candle holder (my friend tells me it is probably the circle of life going on in there...;m; )..

But I also found some of my notes about shoujo stuffs and ideas for characters and whatever...

And I have been wanting to write a simple webcomic that can go on forever that will be written simply mainly 'cause I don't have much confidence as a writer and I want to work on that. So the pictures won't be so great and just like sketches with panels and stuff...(inspired by One's One Punch Man by the way) But lots of updates. Like I should write a page a day...

I wanted to do some sort of action comedy and I have an idea for one, but I would like that to be well constructed and cleanly drawn...So I was trying to come with other ideas that might be interesting for an online audience that would be fun to draw every day and not worry so much about how it looks as well as allowing me to draw bishounens...

The stuff that comes easiest to me is shoujo manga just because I know at the dokidoki kyun moments. Whereas seinen or shounen stuff feels much more complex to me...

So here's my idea and please let me know if there is manga already like this or if it is at all interesting:

Everybody falls in love, but the duration for that love is random, some short some long. Some people have a connection that can last a really long time. Our main character has one person who is their true love meaning that their love will last forever. However she never knows when she will meet this person. She is given a special watch that tells her the time limit for her to meet this person before they are too far away to meet again. The watch works like a gps of the heart and the closer they are the longer the time limit.

So they can be physically far away, or perhaps that person is dating other people and becomes further away from the main character that way.

The main character struggles with her urge to find him or just moving on in life.

What do you think? Interested in reading a webcomic like this?

The idea is to have her try and figure out who it is who is her true love. This means they also like her but they may or may not have realized this.

I have always wanted to write a romance manga almost like a murder mystery so that is the inspiration for it. Because I think that is why I even like romance manga, because it's always the 'do the really like each other?' thing going on, especially when it's a love triangle then you are alike 'who is she going to end up with' just like 'who is the killer?' when there are two suspects. So that is also what I am going for. Murder mystery with more doki doki kyun, pretty boys, romance, less murder.

Yap so that's the idea. I will probably try and make myself write a few pages a day or something like that. It'll help with my own productivity and practice storytelling to where it becomes natural. It won't be in Japanese which is the only problem for me. Maybe I can translate it one day or something? I'unno...

Should I make it more realistic or add supernatural elements...that is something else I don't know...>3>

Welp I'll continue fleshing out this idea and maybe make it a plan for this year. I know I will be really busy, but it isn't so hard to spend just a day working on a page or two.

Thanks for reading~


ugbugbug no nevermind stop regrets...;m;

I got a reply from a professor in Japan I sent an email to for an affiliation letter for a grant I am applying to....but....

She asked for a research proposal asap and I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN ONE BEFORE. But I was like, pshh, can't be too bad I learned things I got the skillz. Then I looked it up and I need to have like a budget plan and a schedule and whatever...

In a traditional research proposal...



I dun have that...I dun even know how to make that since I have never done anything close to this...Like I have done research from reading articles and then synthesizing it into a paper...but.......what how do I do research?! TT^TT

I need somebody to hold my hand but she said ASAP and I am on break right now so ASAP is not possible....TT^TT

I know I complained about this last post but now I am stressed again 'cause I was finally all happy about updating my operating system (I love updating my operating system, so many new fun things) and then getting ready for school and I was slowly deciding (since she hadn't emailed me back) that I don't really want to do the grant anymore and I am okay with not doing it because I at least have some nice pieces and whatever and I can try working on a few other things and then draw some stuff I wanted to do since the beginning of the summer but kept forgetting about that I want to do before the start of my semester....

but then I get this email....;m;

I think she misunderstood what I was asking...Like I know I need to give her a research I don't know what that is...

And then art and that I needed to get it in ASAP 'cause the school year starts in April. 1. This grant does not allow me to enroll in the university, but I can research alongside the university using the amenities of the university. 2. My school year ends in May, so it's not gonna work that way...

I dunno how to email her back when I only understand like 45% about the grant and I don't know how to politely tell her she misunderstood...especially when I don't know for sure...

That and I kinda don't want to do it at I know it's not super hard to do this stuff but I actually don't have enough time to do anything of the things I was supposed to do so I don't want to do it. Maybe some other time when I actually want a grant, but I actually don't want this grant, I am only doing this so it looks good on a resume...

Ughh...this is what happens when I try to do things to build an image.

So now I am wondering how to politely tell all these people I emailed how I don't want to do it anymore...which still sucks 'cause that makes me look like a whimpy child who doesn't know what they want to do and can't take the pressure. Which is true, but y'know, it really wasn't in my self interest to do any of this. I just wanted people to think I was cool for applying...;m;

This is like the 3rd time I have learned not to listen to people's recommendations...>3> The other two times have also been disingenuous and ended in my failure. I can't do 50% of I can't try and get ahead through jumping through hoops, I can only do it through going though a door which I have to open myself...or like knock so that somebody can let me in.

Like everyone else who applies for this grant do it so they can learn about themselves, have experience studying abroad, etc etc. I have no interest I literally just want to go to Japan and get a working visa so I can work as a manga assistant...;m; This is actually in my way of doing so...

Basically the stress comes from: 1. I didn't want to do the grant but I did it because people told me to in a 'I am so impressed, you go for it. I am so excited for you taking this opportunity' so like....why wouldn't I? 2. I bothered people for help in doing something I didn't want to do. 3. Now I have to either do the stuff they ask which I can only do at a very mediocre quality or somehow explain why I have given up on something I didn't want to do in the first place...

I guess I will figure it out tomorrow. This has been a heck of a couple of days with people saying I can't do it and then myself telling me I can't do it and then other people telling me I can which therefore means (to me) that I should...

I just feel like backing out of it will be a personal failure...but again I didn't want to do it in the first place so I just put myself in this hole...

Uggh sorry for complaining about this a second time. I need to blow off even more steam so I don't get ulcers from the stress...;orz

Lala stress Lala failure~ :D

Blowin of steam~ Steam boat willy~ :D

My school year starts up again next week-ish (technically next next week but I gotta actually move in) and I am both excited and terrified. Because it's my last year and most of the applications for jobs I want will be in my first semester (although some will be after I graduate if I feel like waiting that long...)

Also I get to see some of my friends from Japan again~ :3 I am super excited to see them again and I know they are super excited to experience college life in America. I am also mentoring one of the students who I have never met before so I will have new friends~ :3 YAY FRIENDSHIP!!

But recently I have been dumb and lazy...>3>

So my life plans for after graduating are basically: get a job so I can live in Japan. I just want to live there on a working visa so that I can apply to work as an assistant for manga artists while working on my stuff (honestly I would be happy working as a manga assistant for the rest of my life, I wouldn't mind that, but it'd be nice to publish my own manga if I can).

There are many things I have preparing myself to apply for. I have a bunch of places I want to apply to and I just need to wait for the application periods to be open. That is stress for later...

However I also wanted to apply for Fulbright just for the heck of it even though I know I will never get it. The main thing is that I can put the fact that I applied on an application for a job and it'll look like I am really a determined sort of person or whatever. 'cause it takes a lot of apply for Fulbright.

Unfortunately I did not know or understand Fulbright until recently and it sounded like way too much stuff...and just weird vague rules everywhere...just so many questions so I emailed people and waited for their replies back. This sounds like a reasonable thing except that I am stupid and this is during the summer and I was supposed to go to the meetings for it last year.

It turns out the deadline is the 16th of September which isn't far away. I don't have anything done. I have to write two essays (only have drafts), get a letter of affiliation from the university I would like to study at (e-mailed some people but haven't heard back because I sent it during people's break times...because I am stupid...), and have 15 finished pieces of art for the portfolio....


It would be a good idea to do it and I am trying my best to get it done but it is so stressful and I can't even sleep at night because I just keep getting thoughts over and over again about how stupid and lazy I am.

It's making me feel sick...

And the even stupider thing is that it shouldn't. The only reason I am applying is so that it looks good on my resume. There are other things I can work hard on to put on my resume. Like I can ask to be a TA for the japanese classes so I can get teaching skills or see if I can work at afterschool stuffs. There are lots of opportunities on my campus.

The problem I have with the whole thing is emailing people. I email that I am interested thus the professor gets excited to help and in the end I don't get anything. I just feel bad for bothering people...I know it's just an email but still. They took the time to read it and care about my feelings enough to reply...>3>

I have decided to see what I can do up until that deadline and if it doesn't work out (which I feel like it won't since I still have no replies from anybody) then I can just use the artwork that I made for my senior portfolio for art.

I am literally stressing over something that isn't a big deal. The only thing I am stressing over is my own pride.

When I tell people I am going to do things (not on the internet, I got a habit of saying I will do stuff on the internet and then forget it and do homework instead...;orz) I have to do that because I said so. I don't like saying that I was too ambitious and was unable to do it. It's like losing a battle...but I made up the battle...

In other news I finished about 90% of the manga I was working on this summer. I still have some tweaking, the story is weak in some bits so I need to draw new pages, some of the details are missing, and my japanese is messed up on a few pages. I am putting it on hold for now because applications and school stuff.

In other other news...I am super lucky with my classes this year because all of them start in the middle of the day, are all in the same building (which is next to my dorm), and are all art related~ Two art history classes which means two classes I need to dedicate to studying and writing good papers. Two studio classes.

A class for studying and a class for destressing over studying (or stressing about materials and cleaning and whatever...but meh, I do that anyway). Balanced~

Although I have more problems on top of that. Apparently the two classes I need for my minor are not offered this year...>3> And honestly it wouldn't be a big deal but my mom is super pissed at me if I graduate with a major in art (which actually super beneficial in attaining a visa to work as a manga assistant). So she wants me to have a minor in Asian Studies (which I don't really understand how that is much better than an art major) so that I guess I might be able to work in government or something?

This all lead me to have a break down yesterday and confessed my dreams to my mom. Which she always knew I had but I was, this is probably rude of me to say because I actually don't know, but it kinda did feel like I was coming out as gay to my mom. I am heterosexual so I wouldn't know how that felt, but it was like telling my mom and expecting her to be majorly disappointed in me. Telling her something that I thought would hurt her for some reason...which I was wrong...but I felt I needed to tell her so she would stop trying to steer me in directions that are wasting my time...

So yap...

Just stressing stressing...I really just don't want to do that application anymore...I would love it if nobody replied to me because I just don't want to get people's hopes up...because then it will get my hopes up....

Welp, that's how I have been feeling. I am actually a lot more excited for school, but I want the scholarship to be over and out of the way and it won't be...;orz

Thanks for reading my book, "Lala stress lala failure~ :D"