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Popping in an out!

Sorry for popping in and out so much...I forgot how to be active on the internet ever since I started college so I keep ending up doing stuff like just watching youtube videos for hours and hours instead of being active on other websites...;orz

I have written the name for my manga (in Japanese) and now I am in the steps of drawing out the manuscript but I have gotten annoyed by my stale looking art style so I would say I am pretty stuck/frustrated right now. I think I shouldn't be because how will I improve if I don't keep drawing.

After this post I will probably just put my nose to the grind stone and draw even if I think it looks bad. I can always come back and fix it later. I think that is another problem, I keep thinking about how bothersome it is to fix stuff afterwards and that I just want it to be over...;orz I think that is something important to get over.

Akiko Higashimura once said that the greatest thing she ever learned was to just keep drawing and never stop. I think she wrote a manga about this theme. She went to an art school and had a difficult teacher who she didn't get along with and she didn't do super well in his classes and he kept yelling at her 'What are you doing? Keep drawing!' It is that kind of thing that made her one of the fastest producers of manga where she can churn out like 10 pages in a day.

I think I should keep drawing to get to where it is just natural to draw manga, use the techniques, think of angles and paneling and dialogue. Same for studying Japanese. Just gotta keep at it until it becomes less of a chore.

On another subject...

I just wanted to say my thinking out loud and ask if any of you guys know of manga about the internet?

I have been struggling with a story for my babies Klan and Seiichi because all the previous stories I tried to work on for them were very flat and boring or just unoriginal...

What I wanted to try and explore was modern day topics. Not like recent news sort of modern day topics but like ideas like increasing consumption in a globalized world. I know it's a topic that has been going on for a while but it has transformed our world in many ways and we have a new culture of reality intertwined with the internet.

My central theme now is just 'internet child' a person who grew up with the internet. I want to do express the feelings of being a person who grew up with the internet because I am one of those type of people. Since I was about 4 years old I have been using the internet. When I was 4 I would look up pictures of cats or Sailor Moon and then as I got older I slowly started to delve into the internet community.

I think I was 7 when I started going on neopets and participating in the boards in neopets. That is also where I met some of my best friends on the internet. When I was 7 I was only allowed 3 hours on the internet and this steadily grew until I spent more than 12 hours on the internet and now I spend pretty much every hour of the day on the internet. I guess that is sorta a problem but I feel more comfortable on the internet.

Like other people have street smarts I have internet smarts. I know what it means to properly behave on the internet and I know the invisible rules of the internet which other people like to believe don't exist.

Okay this is getting long...

Basically my idea is to make the setting for the manga in the internet. Where each website is like it's own city and the main character delves into other areas of the internet like one would on road trips and such, just seeing what it's like and maybe you like that community better. However there are also problems like mean people etc and then there are problems like government crack down and viruses.

It sounds a bit like .hack or something but I want to make it not like that and more relevant to the actual behaviors of the internet.

Somehow I will work in action battle stuff...('cause I do that for pretty much all my stories....;orz)

I am not sure what the goal or the villain is but I was wondering if this sort of story has been done before/done to death. Maybe it is too similar to the MMORPG stories like SAO or something?

Welp that's all for now~ Maybe I will get the hang of internet activity later...XD

Fishing phishing fishing

I wanted to say 'gone fishing' but that would be a misleading title. Therefore I made a meaningless title~ :D

I just came back from NEW YORK! :D *fanfare*

I forgot to say anything at all about this on the internet.

I think it might just be because I just came back from Japan...but I was not excited about this trip nor did I have the best time. It was fun hanging out with my friend but I saw it more as an opportunity to do new things and eat nice food while hanging out with my friend.

However I was the one to ask to go home early which I feel a bit bad about...because she wanted to stay there. She is from New York but had to move to the crappy state where we live because of her parents (just like meee~).

I don't have too much to say but ever since that...I just feel kinda tired...I mean I came back on Friday night. I didn't do anything saturday or sunday or even today...;orz

Meh I think I am just tired from waaayyy too much travel and stuff this year. I needz a break....

I realize I don't really like traveling. Which is weird 'cause I loved Japan and peeps are always like 'well why do you want to go back and live in Japan then? Why do you like that experience more than others?' cause it just fits me in the strangest way...

I feel the most comfortable in Japan. I feel like I can be myself in Japan to a certain extent. My Japanese isn't the best so I can't explain my feelings all the time or have the deepest conversations, but I'm working on it. However when it comes to everyday living it makes me feel super comfortable.

Well you can tell I am clearly not over having left to Japan...ever since I did I just haven't been myself. I can't concentrate at all and I can't do any of the things I wanted to do...>3> I just want to sleep or watch videos on youtube...

Welp I'ma make meself do stuff! I mean I literally have to do or next semester will be hell.

I talked to Jamie Lynn Lano, the girl who was a manga assistant for Prince of Tennis to ask how she got her visa and all that jazz because that was the main problem I was having. Basically I learned I need to a job in Tokyo first and then I can search for manga assistant jobs.

Also according to the editor at Shueisha I talked to I need to participate in amateur awards contests. I was stupid and forgot to check pixiv for contests and I see that I mostly missed the Shounen Jump contest...>3>

So basically I just need to put my nose the grind stone with studying Japanese, working on resumes, working on applications, and working on manga...

But it's so mach and I feel so lazyyy...

Or mainly I dislike everything I write...but I think I just need to throw that out the window and draw.

I am wondering if the problem might be that I write the dialogue first...maybe I should write the dialogue while I am writing the name's...because if I write the dialogue firs then I have to translate it and then it sounds weird and gets too long and then I can't fit it on the page neatly...

So I will try that with some of my stories.

I just looked over my Word doc for the stories I would like to write and I got like 9 now...;orz

I'ma finish one 'o them at least! XD I think I should do as many as I can because if one ends up being bad then I can make the next one better! This is my plan.

Although 30 pages is a bit much...I might make some shorter...

Actually I feel energized just writing this!

Gonna go make a to-do list and schedule for how to do stuff and hopefully I will do stuff. No more going with the flow!


I'ma leave you gaiz wit some morning musume 'cause I love this music video and song and le choreography~ <333

Internet, Internet, Where am I going?

So I dunno if I mentioned it in a previous post or something but recently I joined instagram and twitter. That means that the total websites I have joined and want to try and attempt to stay active are: theotaku, deviantart, instagram, twitter, facebook, pixiv, tumblr


It's too much...

Too much I have decided.

I am confused because of the people I follow who regularly post on all these sites...they literally post on all these sites all at the same time...;3;

However these people have a large following and I don't think they interact so much with other people and mainly reply to comments...or none at all...but I dunno how they keep up with all these sites...;3;

Twitter is especially overwhelming. I don't get it at all but there are a lot of mangaka on there so whatevs...>3>

I decided this summer I want to try to be more active on these websites because since my inactivity due to school I have dropped to being almost forgotten..;3; Like when I post stuff on some websites I get nil whereas before I would get a sufficient amount of attention.

I thought for deviantart I could get more attention from frequent posts, but this didn't work. I think the ticket is commenting.

I know that commenting a lot is a really good thing to do and I tried my best to talk to as many people on here because I wanted peeps to feel comfy, but even that sort of drive tired me out...;3; There was a year where I would go through all the fanart and try to comment on as many as I could. I would also do the same with the people I was watching on deviantart because I dunno, I like getting comments...

I think it would be the same with deviantart...but I don't have that much commenting power in me and I also like doing other things than just commenting...;3; Maybe I need to practice more, but my brain gets tired out trying to think of nice and constructive original things to say...I don't like leaving repetitive comments...;orz

Why do I want more attention? Because I WANT COMMISSIONS! ;3; I am sure plenty of you guys understand this pain. Get enough popularity, post about 'I have opened commissions'

zenzen nai

A few years ago I got a steady stream of REQUESTS but not COMMISSIONS which...umm..requests are pretty much useless to me except to practice drawing a variety of things...but that takes up precious time...>3> I can't do stuff like that anymore and honestly I think I was kinda used by that point of time (somebody actually sent me a message saying that she didn't like her request, despite me having done like 10 pictures in about a week, and that she wanted a new one because she felt cheated...DID YOU PAY ME? I DON'T THINK SO. I was nice cause she threatened to tell other people that I was cheap or I drew a new one. And it was at that point I was like, yeah nope not doing requests).

I COULD work on getting more popular on DA and these other sites by commenting, following, tweeting, watching, etc. but I don't have the energy to do all of that...Maybe this is normal for the 21st century and I didn't notice? I dunno but its weird...

My plan is to regularly post stuff on all the websites I have accounts on to get a range of audience. Maybe I will comment every now and then...I dunno...(though when I decide I will comment a little I end up making a master plan. Why stop with this person? Why not this person too?)

I want to gain attention honestly and for my artwork, but I don't think I am there yet so I will keep going, but from what I have read its a mixture of this and ACTIVITY. How do I be active on all these sites? ;m;

So instead I am thinking of posting regularly like I said, but then also focusing more on website over the other.

For instance, facebook and instagram are for my friends, instagram I can use more cause its fun and convenient (literally just looking at pics with short captions and short replies). TheO I will use like I always do. Deviantart and Tumblr I will use to post art. Tumblr will be more sketches, deviantart will be more finished pieces (for like a formal portfolio) and pixiv is also more finished pieces.

However I think I want to put more energy into being more active on pixiv than on deviantart. I realize there is an overall culture to deviantart I dislike, same for tumblr. Pixiv probably also has one that I don't know of yet, I'd like to find it out, and if I dislike it I will just have more interesting internet cultures in my brain's library. Not only that I will be able to, hopefully, improve my japanese. Not only not only that and the main reason I want to make this decision (which honestly isn't like choosing a chocolate milk or regular milk or anything...XD) because of the events, contests, news etc on there. In recent years they have emphasized manga more and so now companies like Shounen Jump and others are using pixiv to host their contests so I can post online applications to these contests as well as send it to them.

I can engage with the japanese artist community/manga community. I can show my profile to this community which leaves me open to participate in events like displaying art in Design Festa or something.

Bottom line, I gotta work on my art more, my japanese more, and work on more manga...

Which by the way about manga...I have been really slow at recently...I think I hit an art block that I am slowly getting over. I just suddenly disliked all my stories...but I think if I just write them, like sit down and draw the pages etc, if one is bad then it is bad and I will improve from there. I have like 6 stories, they can't all be perfect. I just really like them too much...XD

Yeahhh sorry for the rant post...I needed to release some steam...;3; Also my friend lost his phone and so I haven't be able to talk to him at all and he was usually the person I used to blow off steam and rant about nothing, but now I gots nobody...;3; Or my friend, but I am waiting until our trip together since it'll be long and need things to talk about! XD

Ack! I just realized I also have accounts on nicovideo, amebla, and youtube...all of which I wanted to do stuff on and be active...guhh...can';m;

Also my dog broke my headphones so I have to use old headphones that I can only hear out of one ear on and I wanna play rhythm games but its hard without both sides...;3; Not impossible, just can't get perfect scores now...;orz

Art vs Artist

For teh memes

I am just gonna put this here...

It's just interesting to see other artists and how the faces they draw might look like theirs in some ways. I have learned that the face shapes I draw are similar to mine! So weird!

Long tiiimeeeee

I dunno why I keep forgetting about this place. Or I don't really forget about this place and its memories and meaning to me but more that I forget to post anything on here.

I dunno why, but since this place has always been the place for me to express my feelings and just let off steam, cause it is my home after all, I just felt like talking about current events.

I confessed my love to somebody for the first time yesterday and this morning they told me they just wanted to be friends. It is a pretty normal experience, but it really feels awful. I never knew it felt this bad. I am also really confused because the way he talked to me was a bit more than friends, with sending pics of food and worrying about eachother's health...well I guess that isn't too different from friends. I am not sure.

The reason I got a reply this morning is that he lives in Japan, so it would have been a long distance relationship if anything. Not only that but if and when I return to Japan it will probably be to a city far away from his. So I guess it wouldn't have worked out anyways...but I just wanted to hear that somebody I liked might have liked me and that I was right in assuming so even if we couldn't do anything about it.

I talked to him pretty much everyday and skyped hima lot and now he is not replying to my messages very often and it is depressing me. I wish I never did this and kept it a secret...but I also couldn't concentrate on my hw. However even now I can't really cocentrate as much...but I feel less dependent on facebook messaging so I can do my hw....but still.....guhh it sucks...

I guess it is good to habe this experience...but yknow, I would really like to have at least one romantic experience in my life at all. >.>

Well now that that is off my chest for a bit I think I would feel better to talk about...MANGA~

So I have reached a sort of dilemma...I decided I would sit down and write a manga...and I have been doing that...with 6 stories....Or around the much...

So lemme give tou summaries cause I do that a lot! I want to work on all of them and finish all of them in my spare time and then send them to publishers. I think eventually one will work out maybe?

So the most recent one I have worked on I call I Hate You. It is about a girl who reluctantly goes to a school for magical girls. It takes place in a universe that is ruled by love and the gods of love and when people come of age their fairy appears. The twin to their fairy is with their true love. The main character kills her fairy because it was annoying, thus ensues the wrath of Cupid as he tries to make her believe in romantic love.

The next one is called Multiple Choice for now. It takes place in modern Japan except there are exams like the imperial exams of Tang Dynasty China where those who pass the top exams get a large salary for the rest of their lives in order to encourage education of others. The main character is a person who wants to become a super hero when he wins and wants to show people that they should believe in this, so he works his hardest to pass the exams, while his rival is a stuck up rich kid who wants to destroy the exams instead.

Another one is called Bloodlust. This is about twins who were separated from eachother after one of them got the other one put in prison for treason for helping 'those of the water' whose blood is actually made up of liquid similar to water. While he is in prison his help is requested by a person of water and he escapes the prison to help him fix a machine that is supposed to find water underground. He wants to unite the people of blood and the people of water by doing so.

Next one is called Under the Cherry Blossoms. It is about a world where demons and spirits are created by the shared consciousness of th people who live there. A boy is adopted by the emperess for some strange reason. The boy has black teeth, skin the can boil water, and likes to drink oil more than water. After introducing him the prince, the prince gets hurt somehow and his face is deformed, leading to other people making him into a demon, so the boy with black teeth must save him from those of irrational fear.

I think the last one is called Blind and it is the least flesshed out,... A boy plays an online game with his friends and they end up dying the next day. People suspect it is the game and eventually he gets psychokinesis powers and I dunno what I am doing with this...

Also one other one if I feel like it would be based off of an old dream I posted about a while ago. A boy and a girl are trapped ina strange school with strange deformed human monsters that attack them. They try to escape, but end up back there. Yappp

My friend is skyping me now and just reminded me of the above situation...ughh....

Well I am going to focus on being more productive with manga and work hard on trying to do all the other things I have to do like maybe find a jov for rhe summer. Lots of disappointments this year. Also my dad got run over by a forklift, which is weird. He is okay, just a broken leg, but a weird thing to come home to hearing. "Oh yeah, your dad got run over by a forklift"
My uncle also tripped and fell and almost died, while my grandma is also quite sick...not a good year so far. I also got several rejections from jobs n people and other things, not so great grades...also had to leave Japan this year too...what a terrible year so far. I look forward to next year when I can graduate and get to it on my dreams.

I want to become a manga assistant for the time being so I will apply to pretty much everyone I can but I don't think I can do that until next year because visas and government documents are difficult...

But if I do I will probably live in Tokyo, and I was thinking I would proabbly meet somebody better there. I am mainly looking for friendly, not weird, fashionable otaku like that last person...I think there are more people like that in Tokyo...

Well anyways, I should probably go to sleep!