HI to everyone who came on!! have fun here!!!

2nd or 1st

Well... here I am again.... writing my emotions anbyd feelis out again about my relationship.... but there's not one I can really talk to... not friends nor family about these things... my bf would just get mad at what I say like always.
This time its about priority. ... I know we joke arpumd about it but I feel like I'm second
. Like yeah ur busy eith family and school... but when it comes to us... I feel like I'm second to things. Games and stuff... I mean. Reslly balmimg the internet about mot sending me a message foe that longor... I send u something amd I see u see it amd u don't reply for the longest time... or qhen i sent u a message and u dont read it for a long time but ur on fb.. like wtf?! Then u get my hopes up about tge weekend bc we didnt get to hang out for our 2 years.... but I know u... I know deep down we xan bx of something.. and whwn I ask for alone time just a day fir us u go and invite our friends .. like yeah I haven't seen them but I haven't seen u either....
It hurts... a lot... but I deal with it... amd I know if I told him he would get mad and defesive about he does put me first but then how come I feel like Im not? I still can't say tjings bc I know ur gonna get like that and then no matter what we will fight and make me feel likean ass hole gf.... when I'm just trying to be honest like u tell me too.... sigh...
I love him I do but sometimes I feel like I'm behind him... like I'm just here... u say u love me .. nut why do I feel so empty...


You say you love me... but yet you dont say it to make it take form of the feeling of love.
You say tomorrow we can finally be together, but yet you always forget or cant make it due to a personal issue.
You make promises that I am sure will not happen and is hoping that I am wrong that time.

In the beginning you showed me love through caring gifts, from my favorite blue rose to my favorite cookie. But now days you dont even remember them, like they are some distant past that has no meaning...
You dont show any kind of love that we use to share before that moment we started on what we called HG... I do know i should not be expecting gifts left to right.

But a man is valued by the how caring is his to the person he cares for, i do love you , for every moment we shared
But someone whos is getting more lonely by the broken promises and false actions that needs to show your love for me, cant help but get lonelier and lonelier and just feeling empty even when i am by your side, and being with friends just make things seem much lonelier and dark to me.

A single rose or a single action that i haven seen for some time, i know you are busy within school and work but, at least keep your promises that you make me also promise.... a single rose or a single promise will help clear this loneliness and darkness that you once have lifted up before.

a promises....... that is all...


soo on fb i posted a joke on my boyfriends post towards his friend it said" oh i feel sry for her." bc my other firend kept sending txt to me on fb like 98 times at night to bug me so he commeted and i put"f u to hell" . it was a joke u know. soooo my boyfriend had my dad added on fb , even i dont have them on it bc im in college and they dont need to see what i put of say. so my dad seees it flips out about it being towards my bf and that im disgracing the family bc i have other family memebers on my fb.yeah i could have used better way to say that but still.. really-_- disgrace to the family... i already know i am! i dont think i need my dad teling im a disgrace just bc i cuse on fb .. im 19 and going to be 20 soon... soooooooooo what the heck?!
disgraceful to the family .... waterer.... i deleted it... and seriously... i just need to move out.. idk where now i just cant stand to be in the house as these ppl are since their always on me since im at home studying and eating. yeah im greatful for the things they give, but still -_- tell me where ur not gonna see a curse on fb or twitter by someone in college.. so u sir calm ur crap . all u need to know it was a joke and it was towards my friend not my boyfriend, and me being disgraceful to the family.... I DONT CARE! its to late to fix that.
since im the toughest girl out of the family u really think im gonna act like the normal girls do -_- .... so Pthe F down

well thanks...

well fu too .. u beeing bugging me, irritating me for the freak all day and i playfuly not even hurt punch ur arma dn u freak get moody like F!

well then u ingore me thinking i was asleep but u had to know i wasnt if u really wanted to leave my room becasue i didnt even move since u moved me to freaken leave...
well F u too!


for some reason.. i feel empty... emptyness when it comes to me and my bf.. i dont know why..
for some reason i feel empty when im away form him and seeing how much we so different of agreements and stuff.. bc of this i feel empty inside like theres nothin in it for me in the relationship... then i rememebr that hes like gale in HG and im Kat... wer similar to those characters in personality .. does this mean something or nothing... im trying not to think of it like that but it makes me feel like crying..
he tells me he loves me how how come... how come i still feel lonely adnd empty... i know he means it by how he says it and hugs and kisses me but.. why.. i dont understand... its driving me insane...

why... why is this emptyness inside me ... i don't understand.. i dont know why im crying either,,,..
i do love him... i do .... but why do i feel likes theres nothing in this relation ship for me .. why is there emptness ...