Marcus Wolfe’s Real Man Anime Talk Show! By Men, For Men Because Marcus Damn Well Feels Like It!!
Hello everybody, and welcome to
Marcus Wolfe’s Real Man Anime Talk Show!!
In every episode, Marcus brings together the biggest, the baddest, the best male anime characters from whatever animes he damn well feels like and sits their asses down for some man to man talk! Events in various animes will be discussed! Advantages and disadvantages of fame debated! Fan questions answered! Frequent verbal abuse! Bad language used! Fights break out! Scores settled! Exclamation marks overused!
Tonights guests are:
The Perverted Master of Warty Amphibians: Jiraiya the Toad Sage!
The Boob Loving Stuffed Lion: Kon!
And
The Black Hole Handed Ass Grabbing Monk of the Feudal Era: Miroku!
So, with no further ado, we present to you the most babe loving of them all, the host of the show, MARCUS WOLFE!!!!!
MW: Hey, hey, hello everyone! Especially to the ladies! In case you can’t tell, tonight’s theme is ‘perverts’. Everybody on stage tonight is a government classified pervert. We’re all guilty of sexual harassment, although I myself have not done so on an illegal level. Unless hitting on pretty ladies is outlawed, in which case, I should be sent to solitary confinement for 20 years! Har har har har. Okay gentlemen, sit your asses down!
K: Hey, Marcus, I’d just like to say you have a great taste in women. That make up artist was smoking hot! And the hair stylist…..don’t get me started on the hair stylist!
MW: No problem, fan girls always work for free!
M: You have fan girls?
MW: Nah, I just get hot fangirls for whoever’s going on the show. They some of them even pay me just to be here!
M: Ooooooh…..sneaky and clever. I like it!
J: What? Ok, if that’s true, explain why I found all those forty something bags in my change room, because I am not looking for MILFs thank you! I am looking for the hot, fresh, young ladies of today!
MW:HAHAHAHAHAHAHASHUTUP. Now, we move onto today’s first topic: Who has the largest rack in all of animedom? I have managed to narrow it down to 4 girls: Orohime Inoue, Kūkaku Shiba, Rangiku Hitsugaya, and Tsunade hime! Starting with Kon, who do you think it is?
K: I’m gonna have to go with Orohime. I have had my face in her chest way too many times…..
MW: You mean in your pervy dreams.
K: Still counts!
MW: Miroku?
M: Why are we just talking about size here? I mean there’s so many other things to consider, like shape, firmness, squishyness, nipple size, sensitivity…….
MW: Look, that is qualitative data, and my ninja cannot find that out discretely! Now, if you have nothing to say, I’ll just move onto Jiraiya.
J: Well, this is a case where my opinion is invalid because I don’t know all my options, but I’m going to say, regardless of who’s biggest, that Tsunade should get an award for most improved!
MW: True! Now, onto the speed round: Kon, would you rather get in a pillow fight with Rukia Kuchiki or Tatsuki Arisawa?
K: Rukia!
MW: Miroku, a wild night with Kikyo or Kagura?
M: Kikyo!
MW: Jiraiya, name your hottest student!
J: Rin!
MW: The speed round is complete! Now, onto Anime News! In Bleach, Ichigo Kurosaki has successful rescued his precious pretty princess Orohime Inoue from the clutches of the evil Espada, because our sword swinging red head will always show no signs of giving up, fighting baddies like Grimmjow and Nnoitra with style! Attempts to rescue Orohime and crush the Espada have become a joint effort, with Renji and Mayuri ripping Szayel to shreds! Also, everybody’s favorite overpowered swordsman got in on the action! That’s right, Zaraki Kenpachi joined the fight! He saved Ichigo from the wrath of the mighty Nnoitra after destroying Tesla in a single blow, but it looked like he needed saving himself from the steel skinned beast! Fortunately, in a last minute burst of genius, he doubled his power by using a two handed kendo cut! And goddamn, it worked! Unfortunately, this was all just a ploy to leave the town of Karkura vulnerable to attack by the villainous mastermind Sōsuke Aizen! Gentlemen, what are your thoughts on this?
K: Oh F*** I am F***ing screwed! There’s no way I’m going to survive this!
J: Oh, cheer up how bad can it be?
K: Very bad! He’s as twice as powerful as any other soul reaper!
J: So send in 3 soul reapers…..
K: But only Ichigo can make it to Karakura! I’m F***ing screwed1
M: Well, let’s just hope Ichigo gains some crazy new power.
MW: INDEED! In Naruto, Jiraiya’s message is still unknown, but we now know almost everything there is to know about Uchiha! Turns out the ANBU told Itachi to kill his family, he had to be cruel to be kind, and now that Saskue knows, he’s really mad! Snake has been renamed Hawk, and they now want to destroy our precious Konohagakure! Gentlemen?
J: Oh, I’m not concerned about Hawk at all, they’re no threat, I really just hope my message gets translated.
MW: Really? So, why do you think the Akatsuki are so much more of a threat than Hawk?
J: For starters, Akatsuki is an international organization of dangerous criminals, and Hawk is just 4 disgruntled teenagers. Second, Hawk was trained by Orochimaru, while Konan and Pein were trained by me, so the Akatsuki are automatically better.
K: Ha! That’s a little conceited!
J: Just because I’m vain doesn’t mean I’m not right!
MW: Very well then, moving on. Inuyasha is officially over. The last chapter has been written, the last fight has been fought, and the happy ending has come. Care to fill us all in, Miroku?
M: Well, Kagome got a good shot in on Naraku, causing a huge miasma to appear. Inuyasha and Kagome were in there for 3 days. They had the Shikon jewel when they finally came out, and Kagome wished it out of existence. This somehow sends her back to her own time period. Over the next 3 years, Inuyasha and I kept slaying demons, while Sango bore my 3 children…
J:WOAH WOAH WOAH! 3 kids…..in 3 years??!?!?
M: Yes.
J: Poor Sango……..
MW: (laughs)
M: Let’s see what else happened…..Shippo got stronger, Sesshomaru got nicer…..and Kagome graduated high school at the end of 3 years. Then, for some magical reason, the well opens up again, and Kagome is reunited with Inuyasha, they end up getting married, blah blah blah. Sort of like a fan fic.
K: Except actually good.
MW: Well, there you have it everyone!
(large poof of smoke)
MW: Ah, it appears that our mystery guest has arrived. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a big round of applause to…..
(smoke clears)
MW: KAKASHI HATAKE!!
KAK: Got the measurements.
(Hands piece of paper to Marcus)
MW: Hmmmm…..it would appear that the largest breasts in all of animedom belong to none other than……..
(drum roll)
MW: THE LOVELY MISS RANGIKU HITSUGAYA!!!!!! Rangiku Hitsugaya will receive this lovely t-shirt, courtesy of the producers of Marcus Wolfe’s Real Man Anime Talk Show:
MW: Well, that’s all we have for tonight’s show. Be sure to tune in next time for another amazing show! So, until next time, this is (everybody say it with me now):
Marcus Wolfe’s Real Man Anime Talk Show! By Men, For Men Because Marcus Damn Well Feels Like It!!
and now a word from my sponsor:
