~Beadsville~

Bubbles

Soooooo it seems like mom has decided to look for employment where we're currently residing instead of doing the commute thing. Not gonna lie, this whole back and forth upheaval routine has done a number on me but at the end of the day I'd much rather she's happy and healthy :)

Dad has a cold and in addition to that he had a bit of a meltdown yesterday, which caused mom to get mighty upset. The sisters were slated to visit (today) for a bit of a get-together so mom was puttering about the house to fix food and what not. At one point she asked if we should postpone the gathering, to which he replied "maybe we should postpone me".

Now in English that doesn't sound so bad but if I were to directly translate the words used then "postpone" would actually be "shoot". Yeah, nice thing to say, dad. On top of that he stormed out of the house and proclaimed that "It's going to be so nice to get out of this place, you have no idea".

While informing my sisters that we had to call off the visit my older sister said that she'd experienced friends go through the same kind of episodic meltdowns as dad's and mentioned having read reports about doctors knowing about this type of condition for years but not having a name for a diagnosis (yet). We've always known (and suffered from) his emotional/psychological disorder/dysfunction but as time go ticking by, and he does nothing to get a handle on it, the more frustrating these events become. Especially for me since I've seemingly received more of his dna than moms, in that regard, and have put myself through hell to feel better. To see him lash out but not facing the issues is like a slap to the face.

Bah. Maybe some day he'll look for help or work on it. We all want him to get out of that head space because, as hard as it is for us to live next to an unpredictable hurricane, it's torture to BE the storm.

On a lighter note, I'm thinking of shipping him off to a warmer climate. lol. One of his brothers is going abroad and I thought it might do him good to tag along. I'll mention the idea to him... see where it "lands" :P

Love love love you all!

I miss you guys :3

As the title says, I've missed you guys loads! This fact manifested itself even more clearly after a recent dream in which a certain hot Aussie boy toy got married and not to me ;_;

The rest of you have popped up in other dreams here and there, too, not to fret ;p

Nothing much has changed for/about me since you last saw me. Though one big piece of news is that mom is semi-moved out. Let me explain ^.^;

She got really fed up with the job she had here in town and decided to look for work where my sisters live. Et voila, she got offered a job on trial basis and has been living at my younger sisters place during work days, traveling home on days off.

But it seems the new place isn't that much better than the old place, sadly. So now she's talking about looking for other employment opportunities, I'm guessing in that city, still. *shrugs* Dunno, we'll see what happens.

My eldest sister is going to America for three months (she'll leave early January) and the younger sister is going to join her for two weeks in Florida. They'll be staying with friends for those two weeks, then one sister goes home while the other one travels the country.

Seeing as they'll be close enough to visit Sea World I asked the younger sister if she'd go see the killer whale show. Her response was ".. Well, they're there....". I, not wanting to be an asshole and dump my own personal feelings on the matter onto her, left it at that. But to be perfectly honest I'm tempted to bribe the kid not to go >.>

( Wow, it feels really good and natural to be writing here again _^_ )

Aaaaand I failed to get to bed before midnight.... as usual. Maybe I'll actually make that happen one day, just like I'm working on cutting back on candy ¬.¬

Mom of Awesome

As of last week my mom, born in 1955, has a drivers license! And after barely a year (that was riddled with tragedy/distress) of driving!

She'd been thinking about it for quite some time but it was the pressure from her boss that prompted it to actually happen [so quickly]. (Mom could only work day shifts because the evening shift required being able to drive out in the "countryside".) Poor thing had to start driving all alone the day after passing her drivers' test O.o;

Other than that, I've been struck with some kind of strange cold. Woke up one morning and my vision "blacked out" while it felt like I was tumbling/falling about, making me unsure of what was up and what was down >.>; Had another spell shortly after (during breakfast) and actually had to hold onto the kitchen table so as to not find myself on the floor >.>; A bit later on I went to lie down which resulted in another attack, albeit a very brief one.

Since then there have been [more or less] 'minor' instances where I've gotten dizzy, though not to the point of having "vision black out". Thankfully.

Can't remember having a cold that has affected my balance like this before :-/ But then again, my "regular" colds are rarely that *eye roll*

Guess what I've got?

I've been thinking about writing a post about the games I play over on Facebook, just to torment people. But there'll be no writing of those games today. Instead I'll just give you a screen cap of one of them (Treasure Isle):

Yes. I have a pet rock in Treasure Isle xD

This place makes everything better �

So Today I set myself the task of making a time line of sorts on paper, just to get a clearer and objective view of my life these past 10 years. 'Cause it's kinda hard to think about things objectively when everything's in your head and fused with emotions :p

Managed to stick through it (you may pause reading here and lavish me with praise) until all the calenders had been looked at, all the papers/documents had some close inspection/verified things, leaving just the internet (blog) to add some oomph/accuracy/add-ons to the future finished product.

Since my brain/psyche has suffered so much from trying to keep track of events (ultimately leading to it refusing to work that function) it'll be interesting to see how it'll look and, more importantly, how it'll translate into showing others on a more tactile scale what's been going on with me and how I ended up where I am. Sometimes it feels like telling people doesn't allow them to fully absorb/grasp the level of intensity I've experienced things, which is kinda detrimental to understanding... anything. Properly, at least.

Going through this process really hammers home how much I want to gather all this material in a box and burn it. But I can't. Just as I can't change what's happened. Sadly that adds another layer to an already established anguish that needs to be explained to the people dealing with my "case". So many things are connected to, or a bi-product of, this long chain of events. I want to make sure that comes across loud and clear. Even if I have to relinquish my soft spoken self and scream at the top of my lungs!

I've been through rough patches before and weathered them all (more or less). This one caught me off guard/against my will, in a time of particular fragility, so it feels much more intense and insurmountable than previous bouts. Right now I'm not even balancing on the edge of the cliff; I'm in the water after falling and fighting my way to the surface. From now on it's a matter of willing myself into making it to the distant shore with a worn out body/spirit.

But then we'll have a bonfire on the beach :)