Holding Back on Myself

After two brilliant posts by Naomi Bear and Animelover, here is Lux's point of view which I don't think clearly lives up to their posts at all! Anyway its a bit long but that was to be expected and I tried to include some other characters in there as well. Here goes and enjoy.

Included: Lux, Estelle, Mist, Delin, Damaris, Tanner, Lupe, Nyarth, Shupple and Arc.

-Lux-

"Hello Beautiful!" I said to her looking at her, whom was beautiful and yet so graceful in front of me.

"Ah... well. Thank you for the compliment... Handsome." She said nervously, biting her lip and looking away. God, she was so beautiful, those pearls made her looks so mature, the white dress made her stunning and her hair flowed well with everything.

I walked up to her and chuckled a bit. "Well, it's been a while since I heard that, but you honestly look like a princess." Yes, indeed it was true I haven’t been called handsome for quite some time. It has been months so I am glad that someone thought I looked handsome, it was very flattering.

"...Ah! Um.. Ano.. HERE!" She quickly held out a wrapped box with a blue ribbon, in a panic. I didn’t really understand why she was so nervous around me.

Honestly, I was surprised at her giving me a gift. "Estelle, you shouldn't have." I opened it. "Oh Wow!! A collar necklace!" A brand new a collar and it was hip and cool looking.

"Its sterling silver. The gem in the middle of the coin is the color of your type, electric, that was it's yellow.. The cursive writing says "Luxray". I saw it in the store and thought it would fit you very well!" She had really thought this through, she really had grown up so much since we were kids. She was brilliant with fashion that much is true. I adored her creativity and thoughtfulness.

"Oh, Estelle.. This is... It's just... so sweet of you..." I couldn’t keep myself from hugging her. "But can you help me put it on?" I was embarrassed but I got down on a knee so she could help me since we were at least a foot difference in our heights.

"Well, of course” She came close to me and as she put it on my neck I could smell the sweet perfume she was wearing. Lavender, such a alluring smell on her that my heart ponded a bit. "There you go! You look rather dashing, I may say" She blushed as I got up and cracked my neck. It felt really nice too and comfortable.

"Really? How does it look with my hair? Haha!" I laughed since I had changed my hair back up.

"Haha! Just fine." She giggled.

Right, now I had something for her that I bought with the guys but on the side so no one knew about it. I figured that Estelle wanted to look her very best and I had hoped she would dress the way I predicted in which she did."Now, why don't you close your eyes. I have something for you, though it isn't wrapped."

"You got me a present?!" She was a bit taken from that. But I merely smiled.

"I did, indeed. So please close your eyes." I ordered approaching her, she gladly did as I asked, "Estelle, can you curl your ears for me please?" I needed her to fold her ears as I pulled out a small tiara from my pocket. I slowly placed it on her head and tucked some of her hair above the combs. "You can now open your eyes!"

Her eyes trembled as she opened them. She then ran off to the nearby mirror to see what I put on her head. She gasped. “Oh my-... Lux-kun... It's... It's beautiful!" I tuked my hands into my pockets as I watched her jaw dropped in amazement.

"No princess is complete without her crown at a ball!" I told her. She was a princess, even as kids, she would tell people she was my princess. Oh how I wish that were true.

"Oh Lux-kun! Thank you so very much!" She ran over and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her. It had been a long time we hugged. "I love it... The perfect gift..." She smiled at me sweetly.

"But there's one more thing..." I told her, come on Lux. You can do this, tell her how you feel. BE A MAN!!!

"There's more?" She blinked. "Oh... You really shouldn't have."

"Well umm.." I started to say but I got nervous so quickly. "Urm... Nevermind." DAMN IT! You fucked up Lux. Why couldn’t you tell her? Well right now wasn’t the time. I kissed her cheek instead. "It doesn't matter!" I said with a sheepish smile, but she instantly flicked my nose. "Ow! What was that for?" I had jumped back holding my nose glaring at her. She was being mean.

She folded her arms and replied. "You're hiding something from me and I don't like it!"

I shrugged. "Whatever do you mean?" One of her favorite lines.

"You very much know what I mean! Now tell me!"

"I just can't believe how much you've grown is all…" Gosh, I needed to change the topic regardless how random it might be.

"Hmmm, Alright." She rolled her eyes and began to walk off. Stop her, tell her, grab her. And I did just that as I grabbed her wrist. "Lux-kun?"

"Save a dance for me, okay?" I lowered my head, why was this so hard. I had no right to tell her how I felt. Her and Tanner were beginning a new relationship and I had NO business interrupting it. He was falling for her and I was with Hoom at the time so I had no right to medal with their relationship. Yeah that’s right, swallow your pride Lux.

"Of course!" She smiled but there was this ackward silence between us for some time. "Actually, Lux-kun... I have something to tell you." I looked at her.

"Hmm?"

She looked down, back turned towards me, with her ears lowered. "I... I'm" What was she doing? I couldn’t figure her out right now. She was being very unusual, but suddenly she turned around and bowed. "I..I'm Sorry!!!"

"For what?" I asked but she was still bowing in front of me.

"I apologize for... For hurting you. For crushing your heart. I didn't mean... I didn't mean for it to happen. Lux-kun I... " I stopped bowing and looked him in the eyes again. "I know that you were terribly hurt from my actions! I know when I erased my memories and feelings for you... I was wrong! So very wrong!! I know its in the past but I don't care! You must know the truth! The reason why I've done it. I admit it... I couldn't take seeing you and Miss Hoom together... I wanted you all for me. I was jealous of Miss Hoom when she went on that date with you.. Terribly jealous. But please Lux-kun, as horrible as my actions may seem, what I did was not for selfish reasons! Although my heart was in so much pain from that love triangle, it would feel a little better whever you smiled.. Oh how I wish I was the reason behind your smile! B...But Miss Hoom was the source of that smile.. and I.. I.. I truly wanted you to be happy.. you and Miss Hoom both to be happy! Only one could be with you.. I couldn't hurt Miss Hoom... Plus I believed she suited your taste in women. I truly believed she could make you happier.. more than I could. Your happiness is all I care about. Even Now!! I wanted you to be happy Lux-kun. Hurting you were never in my intentions.. never ever EVER! I'm so very sorry Lux-kun.. truly... dearly... sincerely... with all my heart... I am sorry. Please... Find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope that you will for I cannot go on knowing that my actions still cause you pain.. Because I.... I...." I stopped her by putting my finger to her lips.

"Hush! Say no more." I assured her sweetly looking at her. I slowly pulled my hand from her face and sighed. "I forgave you a long time ago... So don't ever think I hated you because of it." I placed both of my hands on her shoulder and took a serious tone with her. "I could never hate you and believe me, I understand legitimately why you did it! So stop blaming yourself! I forgive you, Estelle!"

She sighed and smiled but I could see the tears building up in her eyes. "I'm glad! Thank you Lux-kun.."

"No, thank you! Sometimes you need to go through pain to find the joy in our lives. I know I have!" I whipped a tear from her eyes. “No crying..... I don't want you to mess up your make up."

She nodded. "Yes, your right. Plus Tanner would worry."

"Yes, Tanner is probably worried about where you've gone... Go to him, okay? And enjoy yourself!" I cheered and happily announced though deep down inside, it was killing me. He was what she needed, not me.

"Okay." I poked her cheeks up to make her smile. “Idiot. Stop frowning or your pretty face will be stuck like that." I smiled evilly.

She laughed. "Whatever baka! I'm not a child so I will not believe such nonsense anymore! I'll be going now. Ja ne!"

I stood there watching her prance away and I just couldn’t help but watch her tail wag side to side as she disappeared into the crowd.

-Flash Back-

“Lux-kun! Lux-kun!” She yelled running through the pasture at me as I made lunch for us. “Guess what!?!”

She then tripped and fell flat on her face. I merely laughed at her but went over to make sure she was okay. “Estelle-chan you really are clumsy for an Eevee.”

She lifted her head up teary eyed, “I AM NOT CUMSY!”

“Haha you’re right, you’re not…” Having an argument with her was not worth it because she would scream, pout, and then wack me with her tail which would hurt. Just because she had a bigger tail then me didn’t mean she could abuse me. I was older then her. ;A; She takes advantage of her Eeveeness over me as a Shinx. “Okay what is it anyway?” I helped her up and we both walked over to the soup.

“Do you know what I intend?” She asked as she wiggled her ears.

“Hmm? What do you intend Estelle-chan?” I questioned. She always had these big ideas and fantasies.

“I am going to be Queen!” She sat down and smiled. “And I live in a big mansion, with a big front lawn, and wots of beautiful dwesses to wear.”

“A queen?!?”

“Yup, and I will be the fairest of them all! People will wave at me when I go into my coach and I will wave at them! I’ll wear my crown, and have a summer palace and and and-“

“Estelle-chan! I hate to break it to you but in reality you can not be queen. I’m sorry but it is true.” I told her stirring the soup, nevertheless, as expected the whimpers came.

“WHAT WHY!?!?!?!?! WAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAA!!!! I WANT TO BE QUEEN!!!!” I nearly fell over as she wailed.

I adjusted my glasses as I crawled over to her and placed my hands on her knees. “B-because you weren’t born into a royal family. I’m sorry Estelle-chan!”

“B-but….I wanna be a queen, with a big palace, and have you as a servant!” The heck you will. She looked side to side and her ears perked up, “Can I buy myself a queendom? I’ll work and work until I buy myself a queendom! YES LUX-KUN I WILL BE QUEEN!!”

“Oh bother…” I sighed. Trying to tell her that wasn’t possible and her mind was set on being a queen. There are no loop holes or anything, it just wasn’t physically possible for her to be a queen. Then again, I know what will work to make her smile.

“Lux-kun what’s wrong? Won’t you be my woyal servant?” She patted my head and messed up my hair. She was playing me I know it.

“Estelle-chan, nope not going to be your servant but you can be my queen! I’ll make you one I promise!” I assured her.

“Pwomise?! Okay then you be the king! A lion king!! Hehehehehe!”

“Oh gosh… -_-‘…you are unreal…” I muttered shaking my head getting ready to eat lunch.

-End Flash Back-

“I’d still like to make you my queen, inevitably I don’t think that is possible.” I sighed and headed back into the ballroom. Mist was just finishing up her performance and from what I came into she was amazing. A class act, after that some of the others began exchanging gifts, but I saw Shupple and Mist talking for awhile so I didn’t want to interrupt them. Instead I just decided to have another drink while a few of the other gijinkas took the stage. Actually it was Delin and Damaris who told the crowd they were going to sing a duet together. This was something I wanted to see.

However, once they began my ears wiggled from hearing a scream in the distance. From the loud noise in here, I doubt anyone heard it so I quickly excused myself. That’s when I stood there in awe at Tanner’s hair carring him away towards the steps but I could still hear the weeps of Estelle from another room.

I am not sure what got into me but my animal instinct kicked in as I bore my fangs and ran in the direction he came from, and to my dismay I found Estelle curled in a ball crying as I stood in the door frame.

“Estelle?” I was scared I had no idea what he just did to her.

She looked up eyes swallon, mascara bleeding off her eyes, and her face entirely devastated. She quickly got up and lunged into my arms and cried, “Lux-kun LUX KUN!!!” She wailed and cried even harder.

“W-what did he do?” Even as I asked she screamed and cried harder which told me it wasn’t something that was pleasurable.

Those emotions she was showing me, only grew my anger inside me, I lifted her up and carried her towards the steps. That bastard, I’ll kill him. Even as this disease began to roam up my arm I held it back as my eyes narrowed on my prey. I saw him, Tanner, dragging himself up the stairs as I held the crying Estelle in my arms. I was so angry and had no idea what had happened.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER??” I yelled at him but that damn bastard continued to walk off like I said nothing. “I’ll ask you again. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER??” Estelle cried ever harder as I held her and could feel her gripping tighter to my suit. I hadn’t ever seen her like this, at least never this bad. What could I do?

“You don’t know what the hell is wrong with me!!” Tanner yelled back “You try to relate, saying you have something of the same problem, having another person in your body and yet you have no idea what the hell my life is!!” As I watched him then turned my attention to Estelle. She looked as if she passed out in my arms. I then glanced back at Tanner, I could see him gripping the wood so tightly that it looked like it was about to shatter. He screamed again, “I am not like you and never will be like you, you bastard!!” He was growling now and turned his head toward me. My eyes widen as I saw blood, black blood, drip down his face along with tears. “I didn’t mean to do what I did! You honestly think I wanted to?? I feel so guilty for what I did to her and now I can’t make anything up, yet you can! You love her, yet you can’t admit it back to her when she wants to have somebody for her. I can’t do that! I’ll never be able to! So be happy. You got her!”

With that he was gone and I held the passed out Estelle in my arms. I squatted and held her in my arms and hugged her tight. Why was this all happening now? There wasn’t anything I could do, and yet all I wanted to do was stick my fist down Tanner’s throat. In my heart I knew it wasn’t Tanner but that being named Roland he shared a body with did this too Estelle. Nevertheless, to be as weak as he was and let that person do this to Estelle was unforgiveable.

The best option was to take Estelle to her room and have her retire for the night. If the others saw her like this, they would question what happened and she didn’t need that attention at the moment. Suddenly as I picked her up I turned and-

SMACK!

I shivered at the pain from my face, as little bit of my blood trickled into my mouth and I licked my lips and turned to see Lupe angry. I was huffing and puffing and a bit alarmed from her hit.

“You did this!?! I knew you were no good for her. Get the hell away from my sister!” She demanded. It was her ear that had smacked me.

I took a step back holding Estelle in my arms. I glared and growled, “And if I refuse?”

Her ear swung around again but I lifted my arm and blocked it. She spat at me but missed. “Its your fault that Estelle is like this! What did you try to do? Put her down! I won’t tell you again. Tanner is the one she needs to be with, not a monkey like you!”

That was it, I grabbed her ear and pulled her close, “You know Lupe…you are so ugly!”

She sneered and slapped me across the face. I just looked at her with cold eyes. “How dare you! Put her down…”

“I won’t Lupe and you won’t make me!” She aimed her fist at me and did a dizzy punch. Fine did she really want to play that way. “Protect.” I whispered which blocked her attack. I lowered my head. “You see Lupe, this is what gets you into trouble. You make allegations about me thinking this is my fault. Sadly you’d be mistaken. I figured you out now. I presume you set Tanner and Estelle up and encouraged him to fall for her and proclaimed he was best for her, am I right? Oh I am so close aren’t I?”

Ear cheeks were twitching as she bit her lip.

I lifted my head back up with my kings disease marks appearing on my face with pitch black eyes, “Then I should congratulate you on what YOU did to your sister, since the man who did this to her was Tanner. Sorry to disappoint you, but I wouldn’t hurt Estelle. Never would dream of it! Lupe, maybe you need to take a look in the mirror and realize that half the problem is you…not me….”

I let her stand there and think about that as I carried Estelle back up the stairs to her room. Damn that Lupe, always blaming me. She has hated me ever since we had our argument and we have never seen eye to eye. It isn’t that I haven’t wanted too, she just jumps the gun and always throws things in my face with out have a legiament reason to blame me. I hate how she doesn’t get her facts straight.

Once I got to Estelle’s room I sat down on her bed holding her. I again whipped the tears from her eyes. She was slowly coming too. Whenever something happened when were kids, I would always hold her close and sing to her, but this wasn’t an appropriate time to do so.

“Lux-kun?” Her make was smeared and she looked like a wreck.

“Hey Estelle-chan…” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Those were the first things to come to my head. It was a strange feeling, “You probably should retire for the night. I think it would be best for your health to just go to bed.” I stood up and laid her on the bed. “I should be going so you can undress…”

“No please stay…” She asked as she sat up and stood up. “P-please stay in the room while I undress.”

“Wait WHAT?!?!” My face deffinately was figety from her request but is that what she wanted. “You’re kidding right?” I mean, it would be great, well no, I mean. Gah I can’t make up my mind. It’s a double edge sword if you asked me.

“I…hic…am…still scared…” She was still crying a bit as I turned to her.

“Alright I’ll stay.” I smiled at her sincerely.

There was silence between us as she began taking her dress off, first the heels, then she placed the tiara I gave her on the dresser and began to slip out of her white dress.

As I watched her do this on the bed, I couldn’t help but turn a bit red I mean, I was getting a tease just by watching her. This was wrong so very wrong. I looked the other way as she came out of her dress. Honestly I wanted to look and maybe I snuck a quick peak but when she noticed I turned away quickly. She, damn, she was hot and I admit, I was getting turned on by seeing her like this. She was full figured, and deffinately fully developed. What was she about a 34 C?

“Umm Lux-kun?” I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at her in her pajamas as she approached me and sat on the bed next to me. “Why are you bleeding?”

I gently touched my upper lip, I had totally forgot that Lupe caused this. Not that I liked to lie, but whatever trauma Estelle went through with Tanner, she did not need any more stress. “I am not sure how I got that. No worries it will heal…”

Her eyes were sad as she leaned over and placed her hands on my face.

“Estelle? W-what are you doing?” I mumbled as she placed her lips against the sore above my mouth. I could feel a slight sting but she began using her psychic powers to heal it and in no time it was gone. However, without thinking I pushed her down and leaned over her looking into her orchid colored eyes. I didn’t say anything nor did she as we looked at the other in the eyes. I lowered my head down to her and places both my hands on the side of her head as I was within an inch of her lips.

She cried a little and hiccupped with a slight moan, “W-what are you doing?”

My instinct had kicked in as I rubbed my face against hers to show a sign of endearment as my breaths of air were deep. She realized what I did and wrapped her arms around my neck as she too cuddled into my neck and showed me compassion. There was no denying, there was lust and sexual desires going through my head right now, her lips right below mine as we took the breath of the other into our system. My heart was ponding so hard. I wanted to confess everything to her, but that damn Tanner ruined it and if I were to kiss her now, for some odd reason, her electrical waves in her body tell me it would cause more torment and she would only see Roland in me. I refuse to be a burden on her.

I pulled away from her and sat back up placing my hand on my face. “I’m sorry…I can’t do this…I’m not very good at this…” I got up. I refuse to scare her.

“Lux-kun are you okay?” She asked me in a soft voice.

I smiled at her, “I will be when you get some sleep. I am going to go back down there so no one suspects anything. If anyone asks, I will merely tell them you got sick, okay?” She nodded. “So please lock the door on my way out.”

“Do you think he will come back?” Estelle whimpered.

I scratched the back of my head, “No, he won’t. I highly doubt it, just rest up and get some sleep….Estelle…”

“But what if he does…”

I stood there back turned to her as a small amount electricity formed in my hands. I glared at the door before me. “I’ll kill him….”

I quietly shut the door behind me and walked away as I held back my emotions at how useless I was for her now. What could I say? What could I do? I am not even sure what happened to her. All I knew is that I couldn’t give her what she wanted. I wanted to tell her that I cherished her, that she was my everything, and as much as I hated to admit it, Tanner was right, I was afraid to tell her. Not for the reason he thought, but for the reason is I had no place to steal her away from him because I was with Hoom when then began.

When approaching the ball I heard much laughter and cheers from everyone. I clenched my face in the palm of my hand as I felt very weak all of a sudden. Suddenly I fell to my knees as my left arm held my stomach in pain and the right still holding my face. My anger was starting to get the better of me as I was losing control, I thought I did have control of this disease I had but at this very moment, all hell was breaking loose inside me.

“Damn it….” I was jealous of all the happy couples, how I always smiled and made sure others were okay before myself. That hadn’t changed since I was a kid. I always gave people the benefit of the doubt and that was probably one of my greatest weaknesses. Yet I thought I got over this hurdle but for reasons unknown I was loosing myself once again.

I was coughing so hard that spit hit the floor. I felt like I was going to puke. It was so cold, so very cold and the sensation was coming to my claws. Tanner, he was a dead man…I’ll….I’lll kill him…no….no….Shupple wouldn’t want that….but I do….no you don’t….

“Onii-chan? You okay-nya?”

I looked up surprised to see Nyarth face to face with me. “What happened to your face? Are you okay-nya?" He saw everything on the ground and how I was holding my self. In his eyes I probably looked like a monster with these marks, pitch black eyes and the murderous intent.

Revert revert…. “Yeah just not feeling so good…” I felt the marks and everything go away. “Sorry to scare you.”

“You didn’t scare me.” He walked up to me and hugged me. “I was just worried you weren’t feeling good.”

“I will be better when I get in there sport!” I patted his head and smiled.

“Good well I have a surprise for you!” He ran in quickly and headed to the stage.

“Eh?” A surprise?

Walking in I stood next to Shupple and Arc. She glanced the room and then looked at me, “Do you know where Tanner is? I haven’t seen him for awhile and Estelle for that matter?”

“I saw him going back to his room, neither one of them was feeling well.”

“Oh I see…”

At least it was simple, I didn’t want to get into much detail about this.

Nyarth was on the stage and grabbed the microphone and adjusted his suit. “Hello everyone-nya! I hope you are all having fun! Since my Onii-chan is here now,” He pointed at me which I was a bit embarrassed and shocked about, “We cats are going to show you all how to dance-nya!”

“D-Dance?!” I gulped. What was he thinking?

“Yup! Please feel free to join in-nya! We are doing the Cha Cha Slide!” Nyarth cheered from the stage. He was serious about doing this, which could be a blessing in disguise. I needed to still have fun for the remainder of the night. So dance, eat, drink and be merry was the intention for the rest of the Yuletide Ball.

-End-

Please continue Danielle!! <3

End