ualiuea im back...i think
well im in college really to get lost again on this road
and im gonna try and keep my head, because im stubborn as hell
And im gonna come back here on this site
so i hope you'll all remember crazy Naru and not report her for any shit she says
whyy because I SAY SOME SHIT TO GET THE CHAT MODS ANGRRYYY
no seriously im staying clear of the chat because im gonna get banned and i wanna get back on here and be part of this site again
i miss my chat/theo friends
I MEAN theres so much new stuff for me now! and i miss this site!
most of my high school and junior life was spent here!
so yeah new things with me are
-im becoming an avid cosplayers so expect pictures
-i have tumblr
-ive started cursing more.like a sailor
-im in college and it isnt like those i have tons of friends at college (i only have like 5 here)
-im in new fandoms that i'll never turn away from..(ive joined homestuck, sherlock holmes and the mlp fandom,....dont judge me....)
-...and i have a bf...who's the biggest dork ive ever met but i...really like him, and lately(i have this strong thing against saying the L word.. to anyone unless i mean it ) and well i, actually debating on if i should tell him i love him really because i just .................im gonna stop there and save this for another post (WE BROKE UP IN JULY :D)
and my name on Tumblr is jakeschoiceass why...because HOMESTUCK HAPPENED....HUSSIE MAMA GOT ME HOOKED
but yeah im back, and i hope you all havent forgotten about
this is gonna be depressing and pissy just warning the few people who actually read my blog about my pathetic life.
im basically at the end of my optimistic rope right now....
hoping for any happiness isn't going well for me...
i'm at an end..
my major of choice isnt working out well
why because im a dumbass who thought bio would be easy
for those who are in the middle of a choice of major....find one that you can truly say makes you happy enough to try for it
not one, you wanna get a halfass dream job in
what i mean is a dream that you're determined to do
...because i've realized alot of things about myself after a month and a half of being in college
i'm a halfassed dreamer....
i have dreams but i never wanna put in the work to put it into action
which isnt good
i try these things or have these ideas.
but i can never put the work into action for these half ass dreams
and even though i try to seem confident...
i'm just really a girl who's realizing that
she truly has Social Anxiety...
that hides and clings to her friends....
college made me realize alot of things....
that i have to grow up and really make something of myself
because now i'm just making a dumbass shame of my family.....
comment if you want but this is just my post to let out mt stress
well, i've cried my eyes out, talked to my ex-girlfriend that's my best friend
well my Dad died....
i've cried and mourned for a two hours maybe idunno
i lost track of time
i kept thinking he'd turn his head and then he'd be likw "hey baby"
but it didnt happen
and i really really surprised myself with my thought process...it was ya know
kind different then how i usually think
it was just kinda rejecting reality, clingy sorta way of thinking
i just wanted to be alone talk to someone else that wasnt my family
(but right now im really close to telling mmy dad's side of the family off. they yelled at my mom, said really mean things to her. I GET IT THAT YOU HATE MY MOM, BUT YOU SHOULD BE TALKING ALL THIS SHIT LIKE "OHH HE DIED ALONE" or "OH YOUR HEARTLESS" NO! you call yourselves my dad's family I GET IT YOUR PISSED OFF BUT SERIOUSLY wouldn't my dad want it for you not to fight. but to be able to talk it over and put his body to rest. i mean really, i'd think that he would want that. not to look down and see people not together and making arguments over stupid shit like if you loved him or not. JUST PUT HIS BODY TO REST! anyfights you had over some thoughts you thought about the other person should now be put to rest along with his body.)
but i've mourned...i know tonight i'll probably be expecting a text from him saying "hi baby"
or a "good night baby. daddy loves you"
...and right now im tearing up. but all i really wanna say is that i'll miss him...even though i never really made alot of attempts to spend time with him like i should have. and i wish i did. but i can't change it or really dwell on it.
i've gotta look forward and make him happy. because my family said he loved it that i wanted to go to college and make something of myself....
so i'm going to make him happy
i'm done posting what's going on in my head.
if you read this thanks for reading my little rambles
DAMMITTT I'M GOING TO COLLEGE IN A WEEK NOW!!!
...fun right JUST FUN
i have to move in go through orientation...
im hoping orientation will be fun, because none of my friends are going to my college. but...i've gotta learn how to not be around them all the time and be more independent. ya know?
my girlfriend and I officially broke up. but I sprta let all my feelings out on her....and well i told her. i don't talk to many people and well you're one of the only people i truly can talk to
and soo, we're talking like the way we did before we dated....
not a bad thing, its a great thing
and it makes me happy
soo yah yah yah
but im slightly Dreading English(not my major, its just a class i have to take) in College. i mean
FYE=idk....its lecture class for freshmen to learn different things about college and all
English= AHH CRAP IM GOING TO HAVE TO CRACK DOWN!!!
well im done, soo cyaa
WHY DIDNT I JUST DODGE THE QUESTION!!!
my girlfriend of 6 months asked me. "are we gonna stay together" in college she means
because we're both going to college, like in two/three weeks
so i told her the truth, that "i don't think we should stay together, because i need to focus on college, i wasn't the best student in high school and i need to get to doing stuff in college"
....so now i feel liek the bad person now....
anyone think i am or no?