Mystery Naruto Theatre 3000: Chapter 412

The first page is chock full of mirth and glee. It would seem Sasuke is finally about to stop breathing! For real this time, too! I guess I don't need to read the rest of the chapter. I've seen enough. I'll just check the next page to make sure nothing can save him noDAMMIT SUIGETSU.

So yeah, his killer blow is blocked by Water Boy. Apparently he's going to have to get out of there fast because Mr. B is a lightning-type pokeymanz. 8-Tails nearly cuts through Zabuza's sword before Saucekay sends his chidori coursing through it. The Incredible Hulk comes up from behind with a Juugo PAWWWNCH which actually makes contact for once. Karin drags Sasuke out of the line of fire and Suigetsu breaks one of 8-Tails' swords.

After this, there's a page of action so odd that I can't seem to decipher for the life of me and Karen removing swords from Sasuke's fading body. She then pulls up her sleeve and...

The hell?

Is this really happening?

Do I HAVE to explain what's going on here?

Ugh, fine. There's bite marks all over Karin's arm. She tells Sasuke to bite her arm. DON'T DO IT, MAN! YOU'RE ONLY GIVING HER WHAT SHE WANTS! Anyway, the idiot takes the bait. Suddenly, he's fully healed and ready to continue the fight. Don't make a mistake and assume this makes her useful, though. She's still just girl Sasuke in glasses. But now with a sick masochism fetish.

Anyway, I love this next quote of Suigetsu's.

"To be honest, he's insanely strong. Forget about trying not to kill him, we've gotta fight to kill! Then we should be able to defeat him without killing him."

Wow. That logic is so incredibly wrong that it somehow makes sense. The fact that all this only happened in the first seven pages is very annoying to me. I didn't know Kishi could fit that much bullcrap into less than half of a chapter.

Thankfully, now we return to Naruto. We can watch him sit perfectly still and almost turn into a frog multiple times. Anyway, he decides to create some clones so he can finish training faster. Only three, though, since Fukusaku can't keep up with more than that. Eventually, Naruto gets so beat up that Fukusaku hits him accidentally, or so he says. I think he's just enjoying beating on the kid. But hey, I would, too.

Fukusaku tells Naruto that the only reason he can even attempt to master the Sage Techniques is because he, like Jiraya, is both high in stamina and an utter moron doesn't give up. Then the training continues.

Back to Sasuke's fight. Okay, I have no idea what on earth is going on or who's fighting who or anything. 8-Tails hides and makes plans to get home and get boozed off his Heinekin, but is located by Ugly the Slut through magic or something. I really don't care anymore. Sasuke (and I can only tell it's Sasuke because it has black hair and isn't wearing glasses and I don't think Sai wears Akatsuki robes) lunges in the general direction of Karin's finger and 8-Tails prepares "Number 8." What is "Number 8?" I don't know. Nor do I care.

End