Dazed and Confused

It has officially hit me that I am going to graduate tomorrow. I have no idea what to make of this.

I Hate Life

For any sports fans out there ... the Lakers' loss to the Celtics today in the NBA Finals was probably the most horrific, gut-wrenching loss I have ever witnessed. After the Lakers executed a legendary choke job and blew a 24-point lead (!!!) to lose by six, I turned into a sullen zombie for the rest of the evening. Some friends and I were going to party afterward, but I could not even muster the energy to care. This loss ripped my heart out and totally shat on my evening. God.

I need sleep.

Countdown

This post will probably be all over the place, so excuse me for rambling.

Anyway, I finished my final project yesterday, so I have only two days of school left - a communication department commencement party on Thursday and the actual graduation ceremony itself Saturday. God, it's so bizarre to even think about it.

It seems as if it were just yesterday that I graduated from high school - and now, four years later, I'm essentially finished with college (I just need to do my internship, and I'll officially have my degree in the fall). I cannot even begin to understand how four years flew by so quickly.

The whole thing is even worse because, honestly, I completely wasted my first couple of years at Cal Poly Pomona. I was one of those losers who just went to school for classes and then went straight home. My first couple of years weren't bad, but they were horribly boring. There is really nobody I can blame for that besides myself. They were boring years because I made them boring years.

College is just like any other part of life - if you don't give something to it first, then you will not get anything from it, and it will suck. It just will. Everyone gets the, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PARTICIPATE" speech before they go to college, but a lot of people probably do not pay attention to it, myself included. But, man, those first couple of years, I felt no connection to Cal Poly at all. I might as well have been attending some random community college. It was pretty terrible.

If you're one of those people, then stop being a loser like I was. Find something. Seriously. I found The Poly Post, and my two years working there have been the best of my life. The people I've met have been amazing, the product I've helped to create each week has been amazing and the things I've seen on campus that I probably would not have seen were it not for The Post have been amazing. Just look at the things I've done because of The Post:

  • Gone to several amazing sporting events, including the NCAA Division II Track and Field National Championships and our conference's basketball tournament
  • Attended the 30-year reunion of players from our now defunct football team
  • Interviewed Olympic gold medalist Billy Mills
  • Participated in two fantastic dodgeball tournaments
  • Made a movie
  • Had my first night out at a club (that's a story in and of itself ... lol)
  • Added like five bajillion things to my resume that I never would have from classes
  • Got paid to write about the Lakers (technically >_>)
  • Got paid to use the word 'Swedes' in a headline
  • Got paid to write silly headlines in general
  • Reported on a career fair (wait, that was actually really boring)
  • Wrote 130 articles in all (this is seriously the most prolific I've ever been with anything in such a short span of time).

... and so on.

I do not take myself very seriously at all, but I am really proud of the work I've done at The Post. The newspaper is the first thing that comes to mind for me when I think about campus pride. I could not care less about all the symbols of campus pride people like to throw around - that is, unless they're student made. That is something people should be proud of. Oh, but let's push a building all the time because it has a big point and looks cool!!!!! Yeah!!!!! (Sorry, I'm still bitter about this. Let's move on.)

Putting in all that work has changed me so much. It has given me a stronger sense of purpose. It has opened me up to new experiences. It has made me a more effective communicator. It has made it so much easier for me to open up to people and relate to them.

It has given me so many friends I'll cherish for the rest of my life.

I suppose that is what scares me most about graduation - not that I'm finally making the big leap to adulthood, but that there is a serious possibility I'll lose many of the friends I've made in college. That happened after high school when pretty much everyone I knew scattered off into random directions. I'm going to try my damnedest to make sure that doesn't happen this time, though. Fuck, if I lost contact with every friend I made in college, it would seriously break my damn heart.

Thank God for Facebook.

Um, once again I've lost my train of thought. All I can think about right now is how I'm sure to turn into a bawling baby Thursday and especially Saturday. I rarely cry, but shit, I'm not going to be able to stop it. I know it.

Saying Goodbye

An opinion I wrote as a goodbye to our student newspaper

I received several comments (and hugs lol) from people who read this. It was published in the latest issue of The Poly Post (released today), which was the final "regular" issue we will release this year (we still have one issue left that is geared toward incoming freshmen and transfer students). One line in particular seems to get to people even though I meant it more as a bit of self-deprecating humor rather than a play at sympathy. Who am I to turn down free hugs, though?

Sunday was definitely a weird day. Working on the paper week after week is hard work, and very taxing, but at the same time, I enjoy it more than any class I have taken in college. It is incredibly fulfilling to see people reading the paper around school and then be able to think to myself, "I wrote that story," or "I took that picture," or "I did that layout," or even some combination of the three, as has been the case at various points during the year lol.

More than that, however, I have enjoyed working with my fellow editors so much. Just like with any other group, there have been bad times, and it took me a while to get used to a couple of people, but the support they have given me, and the support I have been able to give back to them, means the world to me. There have been several instances this year where I thought I would crack with all the pressure of school, finding an internship, writing stories, putting together the paper and everything else, but I could always count on someone on staff to put a smile on my face or tell me about their troubles, which would inspire me to work harder.

While Sunday was not our final work day, there was certainly a note of finality to it. I mean, Jesus, I don't want to turn into a fucking big ball of sap, but I am choking up just thinking about it. I saw everyone today, and I will see most of them tomorrow and the day after and so on, but there is still that bit of melancholy hanging in the air. I felt it when I was writing that article. After I finished writing, our editor-in-chief asked me if I was unhappy with the article; I was not. I could just feel the ending coming, and it was sad to think about - is sad to think about.

I really do wish I could keep working on this paper for the rest of my life. I'm never going to have this level of freedom again, I'm probably never going to be allowed to have this much fun again, and I doubt I'll be a part of a group as tight-knit as this year's editing corps. You've all seen the evidence - we goofed around a lot. But we're college kids. I liked that feeling around the office. No matter how serious our work was, we could still find the time to go outside and play touch football or dress up like idiots and throw dodgeballs at other college students who dressed up like idiots.

... I forgot where I was going with this. I guess I'll just end this by saying I wish I didn't have stupid ass projects to do so that I could spend more time with the people and place I care about. Fuck, school really fucking blows sometimes a lot of the time every waking moment.

Quick Lost Thoughts

Ben is super duper awesome. He gets all the best lines, and I love it whenever he breaks out the five-second "Are you a fucking idiot?????" stare before answering random questions (usually to Locke). I also enjoy how he causes...

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