Sometimes I get depressed.
We aren't talking just a sort of sadness that happens from time to time because of the weather, or because I lost my house keys again. This is a full on depression; I lose the desire to preform even the basic of human functions because it all feels pointless. I don't want to eat, and all I do is sleep because it seems like that's the only reasonable thing too do. So I sleep up too twenty hours a day, and when I wake up all I want too do is go back too sleep because being awake seems pointless.
It is like everything seems pointless.
I've struggled with depression before, so I know when to recognize when I have-- for lack of a better word-- episode like this again. I used to sleep too much, and not eat anything. Sometimes I would lose ten plus pounds all from not eating. And that is not healthy because I stand at five feet one inch and my healthy weight is one hundred pounds; losing weight for me is not a good idea. I know the signs, but it is hard to almost force myself not to fall into the depression trap.
It usually lasts a few days, a week at the most. But during that week I feel miserable. Its like losing my sense of self for me. I am normally someone that recognizes the darker things in the world but always remembers to note the beautiful things too. I find balance in the world, and I take extreme happiness in the little things. And when I am depressed it is like I can find nothing but pointlessness. It's always a shock.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is; sometimes I get depressed. But that doesn't mean I give up the fight to not be depressed.
'' Maybe everything isn't hopeless bullshit. ''
Fan Words-- WHERE DID YOU GO
D: D: D:
Also, theOtaku-- Why can I not delete thing from my sent box??
I feel like doing mildly productive things right now. Anyone want a drawing request? I pretty much draw anything, if not anything drawn badly.
Two twenty two in the morning and I'm sitting at my desk serching on the World Wide Web where I can buy blue Hokkaido pumpkin and sugar pie pumpkin squash, eating lemon-flavoured russian tea cakes, and listening to New Wave New Romantic band Classix Nouveaux on vinyl.
Life is werid.
TheOtaku commenting system, we meet again.
I remember the last time we met. It was not really that long ago. Back when V. Version rolled out for the world to see we clashed, you and I. My computer erfused to run your Java Script, because I didn't have Java. I won that battle. I know you remember that.
That was not out first encounter though, was it? No, I know that you remember our first. Back before V. Version. When popups weren't allowed by Mac browers. Yea, I remember that. It was a long long time ago but I remember it like it was the other day.
And now, our third battle is here.
This time, I have Java.
This time, pop ups aren't blocked.
(this time I'm not on a mac)
So why the hell are you winning?!?!?