It's odd; sometimes "something" will come up and tear you down, even if it's only for a few hours. After that, the instinct may be to hold it in for as long as possible. When it spills out, there's nothing you can do but let it go (why yes, I have seen Frozen).
His entire manner had been confusing; why was he so embarrassed about giving a name that was not my own? Or maybe he was just an idiot who didn't see the signs? Probably. In either instance his reaction was preposterous; after admitting that he was interested in someone, he asked another girl for advice, not knowing (or worse, not caring) that she had liked him since day one.
Of course I panicked. I wasn't ready to let people in; if, perchance he was talking about me, how would I feel? In some ways the answer was obvious. My heart beat faster when he looked me in the eye, embarrassing me, the one who'd thought, "I don't like him that much." I may have been right, before those nights we talked and bonded. At that moment? It was clear. I was doomed.
There is a reason why I distance myself. This situation highlighted that reason in all its splendor. After being hurt and dragged on, lied to and manipulated, I couldn't let anyone control me. It was the same reason why I didn't normally let people touch me. It was also the same reason why I used to greet people by punching them in the arm.
When he finally did tell me who it was (and I had an inkling a moment before then that it wasn't me he was referring to), I didn't feel a thing. I nodded, understanding entirely, completely masking what I thought of it. In some ways I am proud of that; as I IMed a couple of friends with my laptop sitting on my lap, I admitted that while I did feel a bit disappointed, I also felt relieved.
I'm not ready.
Still, after leaving my group of friends, I found myself sitting on a toilet, thinking to myself, "Why couldn't it have been me? Am I still too boyish? Too loud? Too much of a friend and less of a romantic interest?"
It hurt me.
The thoughts began to pelt me like ice balls in such an unexpected manner that I found myself curling into a little ball in my bed. Did I even want to go shopping the next day, like I had planned? Did I even want to go to sleep while I felt so shitty?
I barely got out of bed today. To make matters worse, it's colder than it has been all week again and I don't have the strength to walk back to my dorm.
But I still want to go shopping.
It's become a philosophy of mine; feeling shitty? Go feel pretty. Even if "he" or "she" doesn't make you feel as though you're worth something- in looks, in personality, in anything- you must make sure that it is ingrained to you that you are wrong. You are a strong, independant person who don't need no significant other, who can power through a snowstorm in a hoodless jacket and still arrive at your first class at 9am with perfect hair, a flawless face, and an expression that screams "I'm looking down on all of you". Prove your dominance. Assess your own ability and believe in it.
Of course, after you run out of energy because of that, you can sulk all you want.
It's a trick of the trade.
● B R I T I S H ○●
[x] You drink a lot of tea.
Foggy weather is great.
[ ] Deal or No Deal has taken over your life.
[ ] You wanted Ben to win xFactor.
 You use the word "bugger" or the phrase "bloody hell."
[ ] Fish and Chips are yummy.
[ ] You can eat a Full English Breakfast.
[ ] You dislike emos almost as much as you dislike chavs.
[x] It's football ... not soccer.
○● A U S T R A L I A N ○●
[ ] You wear flip flops all year.
[ ] You call flip flops "thongs", not flip flops.
 You love a backyard Barbie.
[x] You know a Barbie is not a doll.
[x] You love the beach.
[x] Sometimes you swear without realizing.
[ ] You're a sports fanatic.
[ ] You are tanned.
[ ] You're a bit of a bogan.
[ ] You have an Australian something.
○● I T A L I A N ○●
 The Sopranos is a great show.
[x] Your last name ends in a vowel.
[x] Your grandmother makes her own sauces.
[x] You know how a real meatball tastes.
 You know Italian songs.
[x] You have dark hair and dark eye color.
 You speak some Italian.
[x] You are under 5'10".
 You know what an Italian horn is.
[x] Pizza/spaghetti is the best food in the world!
[x] You talk a lot with your hands.
○● S P A N I S H ○●
[ ] You say member instead of Remember.
[x] You speak Spanish or some.
[x] You like tacos.
[ ] YoU TyPe lIkE ThIs On Da CoMpUtEr.
 You are dark skinned.
[x] You know what a Puta is.
[x] You talk fast occasionally.
 You have had highlights or have dyed your hair.
[x] You know what platanos are.
○● R U S S I A N ○●
 You say villain as: Vee-lon.
[x] You get short tempered.
[x] You know of somebody named Natasha.
[x] You get cold easily.
 Rain is fun for you.
 You get into contests all the time.
[x] You can easily make do with the cold weather.
○● I R I S H ○●
[ ] You think beer is the best.
[x] You have a bad temper.
[ ] Your last name starts with a Mc, Murphy, O', Fitz or ends with a ley, on, un, an, in, ry, ly, y or L.
[ ] You have blue or green eyes.
[x] You like the color green.
 You have been to a St. Patty's day party.
[x]You have a family member from Ireland.
[ ] You have red hair.
[x] You have/had freckles.
 Your family get together always includes drinking and singing.
○● A F R I C A N A M E R I C A N ○●
[ ] You say nigganukka casually.
[x] You have nappy hair.
[ ] You like rap.
[ ] You know how to shoot a gun.
[x] You think President George Walker Bush is racist.
[x]You like fried chicken.
[x] You like watermelon.
[x] You can dance. (Questionable)
[x] You can sing gospel.
○● A S I A N ○●
[ ] You have slanty small eyes.
[x] You like rice a lot.
 You are good at math.
[x] You play an instrument.
[ ] You have family from Asia.
[x] You laugh sometimes covering your mouth.
[ ] Most people think you're Chinese. And Japanese.
[ ] You call hurricanes typhoons.
[ ] You go to Baulko.
○● G E R M A N ○●
[x] You like bread.
 You think German Chocolate is good.
[x]You speak some German. (SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JAEGER)
[x] You know what Schnitzel is.
[x] You hate it when stupid people call you.
 You went to Pre-school.
[x] You're over 5'2".
○● C A N A D I A N ○●
[ ] You like/play/played hockey.
[ ] You love beer.
[x]You say eh.
[ ]You know what poutine is.
[x] You speak some French.
 You love Tim Horton's.
 At one point you lived in a farm house.
 You watch/watched Degrassi.
○● A M E R I C A N ○●
[ ] You hate foreigners.
[ ] You hate non-Christians.
[x] You're lazy.
[x] Ever ate a burger
[x] big ego
[ ] You don't read.
[x] You think this survey is rather biased. (racist really)
B E L G I A N ○●
[x] You grow some small vegetables in the yard.
[x] You like french fries.
You think Belgian chocolate rules.
[ ] You know that the official best beer in the world is Belgian.
[ ] You speak both Dutch and French.
[x] You like Belgian waffles.
[ ] You call a pub or bar a café.
[ ] You fully realize and acknowledge that your football team sucks.
[ ] You drive/own a French or German car.
[x] You have a lot of comments on your government.
○● D U T C H ○●
[x] You like the colour orange.
[ ] You are a football enthusiast.
[ ]You often go to 'coffee shops'.
[ ] You know what is meant by 'coffee shops'.
[x] You tend to overreact and show your emotions.
[x] You have a cheerful nature.
[x] You like the sea.
 You are good at building handiwork projects.
[ ] You tend to favor the megalomania.
○● A R A B ○●
 You are a patriot.
[ ] You say "3ngleezy" instead of "english".
[ ] You laugh at other accents /especially Egyptian/
[x] You beckon at things with you forehead or eyes.
[ ] You like seafood, especially fish, more than any other type of food.
[ ] You are tanned.
[x] You have black hair.
[ ] Your last name starts with " Al " or " bin "
[x] you like showing off, especially with new cars and clothes.
[ ] You dislike reading.
Hey guys! Naruto's starting up the Konoha RP again, if anyone's interested, and OCs are allowed! Check it out if you're game! :P