I recently grew a pair of balls and sat down to actually watch TNA wrestling without doing the following:
*Changing the channel
*Leaving the room voluntarily
*Cursing at the television screen (although I did break this rule towards the end)
Here are my thoughts on what I saw:
-I am subjected to a video vignette hyping the ever-loving shit out of Hulk Hogan's arrival in TNA. Might as well be Christ of Nazareth. I remember this when they did it in WCW, and as I recall, it didn't pan out too well for them. What the Hell do I know, though? I'm an education major, not a wrestling booker. And did I see Vince Russo in the background? Working with the Hulkster? Hope that works out for ya, guys.
-We open tonight with, of all men, Super Dave Osborne, who seems to be guest booker, ala the guest host of WWE Raw. He chats it up with Mick Foley, who plugs his new book. Jay Lethal enters into the scene and asks who our super-special guest booker is. Way to kill your celebrity guest's star power, TNA.
-I'm happy to see Stevie Richards wrestling. I understand he's a doctor now, apparently. He's looking good. Daffney's looking better! Damn! Even with that crazy makeup, she's still smokin'!
Aw, dizzam!
-I loved Abyss' fashion sense. A homicidal masked nutjob in an early-90s-era grunge hoodie. I thought he was still a murderous-homicidal nutjob, and not a friendly-homicidal nutjob. Does that make sense? Who cares? It's TNA!
-Jim Neidhart has a match with Jay Lethal. It's a squash in Neidhart's favor. What's the point of this? Lethal could have used a victory over a veteran, and instead, they give the win to an old, crusty Neidhart. Place is looking more and more like WCW.
-A knockouts eight-woman tag match between ODB, Tara (formerly WWE's Victoria) and two other women whose names escape me versus Awesome Kong and three other women whose names escape me. It end when Awesome Kong powerbombs and pins a girl WHO WASN'T EVEN TAGGED IN. Vince Russo must have written this finish.
-Kurt Angle's five-o'clock shadow makes him look like the world's toughest and most unstable Broadway dancer. He is currently embroiled in a feud with TNA's newest acquisition, Desmond Wolfe (formerly ROH's Nigel McGuinness). McGuinness has shaven his head! No spikes! I'm happy to see McGuinness given a chance at the top, But seriously. Desmond Wolfe? What was wrong with "Nigel McGuinness"?
-We are given an X-Division six-man tag between the Amazing Red and the Motor City Machineguns against Kyoshi, Homicide, and Abdul Sashir (another of WWE's outcasts, this time Divari). I was impressed with the Amazing Red! Apparently, so was Super Dave, who was providing commentary at ringside. He. Was. FREAKING. F'ing HEARTS Amazing Red.
-Team 3D come out to the ring with Rhino. They start coming down on the young wrestlers, telling them they (being Team 3D) are not letting them take their lofty spots. D-Von is, unfortunately, not so slim, trim, lean, mean, rough, cut, slathered, smattered smothered, covered, chunked, chopped, diced, peppered or jacked, but rather looks to have put on a few pounds. I'd say the same for bubba, but let's face it, the guy was always fat.
-"Stutterin'" Matt Morgan's on TV! And he ain't stutterin' no more, kiddies! I don't care how many years ago that was, I'll never let him live that down. His overenthusiastic promo for ADHD awareness in which he talks about his fight with the problem does not help his case. Seriously, I was waiting for a punchline, and was seriously surprised when it was revealed to be a serious advert.
-It's good to see Styles, Joe, and Daniels main eventing a pay-per-view for a world title. Good move, TNA. Let's see if they continue this.
-A few other things happened, but you know what? I really don't care. It's TNA, for God's sake.
All in all, it was okay. I had more fun with it than this week's RAW anyway. Nice to see TNA's making a valiant effort in pushing their talented youngsters. Then, I see Jay Lethal job to fucking Jim Neidhart, and I question my optimism.
-Flint
