First, the frustration: FUCK. This fic is so fucking confusing fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Someone, anyone, please help because I don't know if any of this is working at all. I think I'm mainly freaking out because this thing has the potential to be really really good, but I'm scared that I'm screwing it up somehow.
BUT ANYWAY. So regarding the last post, I just went with my gut and started working on the introspective one-shot thing. And this is how the first part of it turned out:
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1. After a while, it becomes difficult to find the ‘me’ in ‘us.’
Jaejoong leaves traces of himself in the others. He compiles a growing list of their “me-isms” in his head: Changmin and Junsu have picked up my accent, Yoochun now holds his chopsticks the same way I do, Yunho takes his coffee the same as me, Yunho’s new hats are so similar to mine that he mixes them up, Yunho has grown to like the same music as I do.
He checks and re-checks obsessively, and assures himself that if the group were one day ripped apart or if he died tomorrow, he would still exist, somewhere, inside all of them. Makes certain that even if no one remembers the name “Youngwoong Jaejoong,” these pieces of him would still live on.
(“Idiot. You’re not that forgettable,” Yunho says and smiles into the crook of his neck.)
It confuses him that traces of the others are seeping into him as well. He sees Yoochun’s gestures in his own hands, detects Changmin’s sarcasm in his own tone, hears Junsu’s inflections in his own voice, breathes Yunho’s scent in his own clothes. How much of his current self has truly been theirs all along? Does it really even matter so much?
Yunho silences him with a press of warm fingers on cold lips. “You worry too much. We all love and are a part of each other. Isn’t that enough?”
Jaejoong tells him that it is, but sometimes he has to wonder.
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...And I'm just not sure about the whole thing. I want the mood to be slightly off, but not entirely detached or unnerving. (If that makes sense.) Is it too... artsy? Does it even make sense?? I just don't know. *mopes*
