Big Changes?

So there's been talk about something that I think is a pretty big deal. I'm really excited about it, but I wanted my best friend's opinion, which wasn't as supportive as I had hoped it would be, although I knew she wasn't going to be supportive. I kind of regret even bringing it up to her, because she's kind of being hurtful about it. This isn't something that would get me into trouble, it's not something I am going to get killed or hurt over, or anything along those lines. Plus, she doesn't understand how I feel and I don't think she ever will with the attitude that she carries around with her. It'd be nice to have supportive people around me, but I really feel like the only one who supports my decisions (for the most part XD) is Brandon. Kaylee not supporting me is really hard for me, because she is my best friend. Not only that, but the only time she ever talks to me about her problems is when I'm right in the middle of talking to her about my life and what's going on and whatnot. I know that she doesn't do it on purpose, but it does get rather annoying.

Just getting that off of my chest. Regardless, I am looking forward to my future, because that's what it is. It's my future, not Kaylee's or anyone else's to decide.

My Saturday Spent at MOA

Got up early yesterday to go to Mall of America. It was stressful at first because of the seating arrangements. Then when we stopped at a gas station, me and Kaitlyn were..."parched" so we needed to go in to get a "drink" lol. :). Inside joke. Anyways, we ran inside and I got a beef stick xD. Coz it was only 99 cents. And my uncle Robert was mad and was going off about us in his van (we took 2 vehicles). By the time we got to MOA, everyone was pissy and in a bad mood which ruined the first few hours of being there. Me and Kaitlyn ended up seperating from the family because that was the only way we were going to enjoy ourselves. I shopped at Abercrombie for the first time in my life and fell in love with it :3. I bought stuff from there, Journeys, this amazing store called Garage, Spencers, Disney, and Deb. I spent all of the money I had. lol. It was a fun experience for the most part. I really missed Brandon. Dx. I bought him stuff from Spencers. :3. And I got Kaylee a build a bear with Kaitlyn, we went half on it. I love the new clothes I got.! Ah. :3. It was fun just shopping and not caring about anything, really. It's great therapy. xD.

Feeling like a Monday

Yesterday I didn't have school because of president's day, so it's now Tuesday but felt like a Monday. On top of that I was and still am moody and ready to jump down the next person's throat who dares to **** with me! lol. I dressed a little nicer than usual today because my sweat pants and yoga pants aren't clean so I had to wear a pair of old skinny jeans that are really tight. Too small. Then I wore the sweater I got from Rue 21 on Sunday. And myyy fuzzy boots XD. I didn't think I looked any different than usual, my hair was even all crazy, I think. Savannah commented on the fact that "I look very pretty today" which surprised me coming from her mouth. lol. But then Kaylee had said "Cari you're actually wearing clothes today" and that I actual look normal. ... That was an insult and compliment all in one. It kind of made me mad, because I don't feel like there is anything wrong with how I decide to dress, even though I do tend not to give a crap what I look like. It's just high school. It's just sitting in disgusting class rooms with immature, shallow idiots that aren't going to go anywhere in life, so why should I care how I dress? I really don't have anyone to look good for or anyone to impress and say "hey look at me im a whore like 95% of the girls in this school" and I'm pretty damn glad. Of course, I know for a fact that the way I dress isn't outrageous and doesn't look bad, I just don't dress like everyone else.

I really am in a rather hateful mood right now. lol. XD. Only towards things that have been extremely irritating.

Interesting Sunday

Today I woke up extra early again, but this time around 5 am. I forced myself to fall back asleep for another hour but then got up and primped up myself. haha.. I spent a good hour or two in doing so. I felt really pretty. Brandon came to pick me up and we took a trip to the mall 45 minutes out of town. I got some shop therapy for some sad feelings I have been having. Some korean guy came to talk to us in Spencers and it was extremely awkward. He was talking to us about sex and how he's a good guy and should hook him up with my mom? Yeah. I don't even know. Brandon was getting frustrated with me because he wanted to leave, but I really wanted more shopping time. It was helping my emotions quite a bit. He got really sick so I ended up driving us home. I wish I could have done more to help, I hated seeing him so much pain. :(. Especially because I know what it's like to get migraines that bad. I used to get them atleast twice a week. I ended up having to leave him, which was extremely hard because I didn't want to at all. I wanted to stay there and lay with him and make sure he was okay. :/. I got home just to hear my mom gripe about everything from having to take his car home because he couldn't drive me to the money I spent at the mall. Like, come on. I was excited about what I had bought, I didn't want to be put down like that. I took a bath to try to get my 1/2g tapers in, which barely helped. haha. I was overwhelmed with feelings, which I was hoping that'd help too but it really didn't. I'm just tired of putting on a face for everyone. I am happy, I really am, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I just hurt so much and there's nothing I can do about it but just deal with it. Nothing seems to make those feelings go away. It's really hard and I don't think anyone I know seems to get that. It's not an easy fix. It's not going to just go away in a matter of seconds, minutes, days, or weeks. It's much more than a simple missing screw or a missing part, you know? Bleh.

My dad texted me tonight and made me really emotional. He wants to "repair our relationship". Which I didn't really know how to take at first. Either way, I want to repair it too. I want to be closer to him and his finacé. I wish I lived closer and I'm starting to wish that I lived down there but I would be so far away from my mom which I can imagine would be even harder. Bleh.

It was supposed to be a good day!

Early Rise

This morning I was up at 6 am. I'm an early riser. I have always been that way, though. This morning, I just got up extra early. I turned on Netflix to finally finish Ip Man. I first saw Ip Man 2 over in St. Louis this last summer, I never got to finish it though, because I was exhausted from such a long day there. I started watching Ip Man a few weeks ago, and decided I could finish it this morning. I am seriously loving this movie. It really has made me appreciate the chinese culture even more so. Although I can't say that this movie has made me appreciate the japanese culture just as much. It really gave me a different outlook on things. Being in AP European History, it has really showed how horrible we are to eachother just because one is different and believes different views. Don't get me wrong, I have always known this, but it's really showed through a lot more through the class. Even more so through this movie. It bothers me when I hear my sister or other friends say they hate a certain race because of what they are or what country they are from. Get a grip on reality, people. Many countries, not just us had done wrong to eachother. Seriously.

On another note once this movie is finished, which is pretty much over, I have to go clean some more. I would like to kiss some mega ass so I can go see Brandon, because my mom is not cooperative. x_x