I'm still here guys, I promise!
x.x I'm still actively checking my back room every day and stuff like that. I just don't much have the desire to post anything when I come home and lately I've even been busy on weekends. But I assure you, I'm here.
Not much new here. Hm.
I guess mostly I've been thinking a lot about my future lately.
I'm actually going job hunting. I've yet to get any applications yet though. I'm thinking so far of applying at a deli, an art supply shop/gallery, a vegetarian cafe, and Kmart. I'm trying to avoid fast food for a first job. Not because I think I'm too good for it--- I think you have a lot of patience and quick thinking if you work in fast food! But I feel like I wouldn't be able to handle it at all. I'm rather slow and I don't understand something unless you explain it 826827 times. And I get overwhelmed easily. So I'm thinking a less cluttered work environment. We shall see.
I've been feeling SO ready to be a part-time housespouse. It could be the holiday spirit, but like all I want to do is cook and clean and be a home-maker and take care of Kyle and I's teddy bear (that's the closest thing we'll have to a child). I just want to wear an apron and be cute while having little dinner parties and cuddling with my boyfriend in bed and gamhiangalng. >w<
Speaking of Kyle, I got to see him about two weeks ago. I spent the night. It was great. We watched Wreck It Ralph, Moulin Rogue, and Emperor's New Groove. And we played Devil May Cry together.
Aaaaand we sort of stepped up the intimacy a bit. /)////( not much but definitely a new experience for me.
Basically I was being a brat and I sat on the floor while he was on his bed. He laid facing me, and we were kissing a lot. And like he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pulled me into a kiss. Not roughly but pretty dominate and *///* ugh yes. Not that I would've minded the roughness. o;
Then we were kind of teasing one another playfully and he decided to be evil and he was like "maybe we could play doctor." Bringing my damn fetish into it and even the mention of it turns me on. o_o
And yeah we kissed a lot (I'm learning to remember to breathe!! yay!! LOL) and we couldn't be serious when we tried anything else. But we discovered that I'm pretty comfortable with it so :3
We've been together for a year and four months now and I couldn't be happier.
You guys, I'm changing. For the better. It's weird and something I'm still trying to get used to.
But like I've been more confident with my appearance and my gender and my sexuality. Like I used to be ashamed to be sexual at all. It was taboo and wrong and forbidden. But now, now I'm
a nymphomaniac embracing of it. And like I feel beautiful lately when I wear makeup and not so much a female, but feminine. Like a prince. I'm able to wear the things I want and not give a fuck if I look like a girl or a boy or an alien. And I have to say, it's pretty fucking lovely.
Anyway, enough of that. Today I made Oreo balls :D they're basically Oreos crushed into crumbs, mixed with cream cheese, coated with chocolate and drizzled with white chocolate. It's heaven in a ball.
my balls are fantastic.
Then I made my *famous* green bean casserole. My family always loves it. And I love making it. I did a great job. And this was all for my mom's side thanksgiving.
I get to make more casserole tomorrow when I go to my dad's :D
I can't wait to go hang out with my dad. It's about the only time I get real dude time. Most of my friends are girls or femme boys and my dude friends, I don't get to spend much time with. Like Kyle, Nick, my brother and my dad are the only ones I really get to nerd out with about video games and anime.
Speaking of nerding out, I'm going to spend the rest of my break rewatch ing Black Butler, and re-reading yaoi webcomics, as well as writing in my own story.
Guys I have a little fanbase for it now. O: I let a bunch of my friends read it and they're all over me to write more LOL. Lucky for them, there is MUCH more to come!
But yes. Life is good. :3
I'll be here if you want me~
or even if you don't~~
Pictures from Rocky Horror last night!
Me as Eddie cx I feel like I did a pretty good job considering I don't usually play the bad boy types.
Me and my Columbia :D
My whole little group.
Magenta (Leila), me, Columbia (Carli), and Brad (Tony).
Me being all majestic in front of the theatre cx
You guys... I've been having a pretty freaking fantastic end to October. Like seriously. And it's only going to get better :D
Let's start with Thursday.
I went to my school's evening production of Little Shop of Horrors and wow. They did a REALLY good job with it. The set was nicely put together and really set the mood, the singing was great and on key, and the acting was delightful as well. They did so well that my friend Haley and I almost cried. It was a really fun time. Also, they had a celebrity (?) type person to play the voice of Audrey 2, Karla Burns. She's an alumni from my school and has won several awards and such. I had never heard of her before, but now I see why she's won awards. She's awesome :D
Then after it was over, my friends Haley, Cassidy, Nick, and Li all just hung out in the auditorium being goofy teenagers. And as I was about to leave, Nick was walking me out and my academy principal saw me and was like "dude! you look really nice today. I mean, you look good everyday, but today you look pretty great." And Nick was like, "yeah Kyle, you're gorgeous." And I just died lol.
Nick has been complimenting me a lot lately, telling me how attractive I am and such. It's nice and all but it embarrasses me. Once he even got like four people at our table in English to tell me I was attractive. I just... >.<
Though when Kyle compliments me, I literally feel my face and ears go red. It's not embarrassing when Kyle does it, but it still makes me all /)//w//(
Speaking of Kyle, we've been together for a year and three months now. :D gosh I just love him, a lot~ he's just perfect for me. We're perfect for eachother honestly. It's like we're opposite sides of the same coin. He's optimistic, a dog person, very energetic, and dominant. And I'm more pessimistic (though I'm working on that), a cat person, I'm rather lazy, and we all know I'm submissive. So it's like we're puzzle pieces that fit together wonderfully. n.n
(This next part is about my sexual kinks so feel free to skip it if you don't want to read)
And about a week ago, I told him something I had never told anyone before. It wasnt even something I knew about myself until a few days before. Though now that I think of it, I really should have known my whole life.
Anyway, I told him about me being a cardiophile. That I have a heartbeat fetish. And I told him that one of my fantasies would be listening to his heartbeat while we did... things. >///<
and he was totally okay with it! He thinks it's really cute and romantic. So that's made me feel really good about myself, because I've always thought that it was weird. Maybe it's because I didn't want to think of it as a fetish. Idk. Which is dumb because I'm totally fine with admitting that I'm into some BDSM. LOL
So now I've been feeling more acceptable about being sexual. I'm even able to masturbate more often without feeling guilty.
Anyway enough of that.
So last night was fun as well. I went to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. And it was epic. It's my second time going to an audience participation thing but my first time dressing up for it. And I had a group dressed up for it too :D I was Eddie, Carli was Columbia, Leila was Magenta, and Tony was Brad. We're also going to wear our costumes at school for halloween. :3 I'll post some pictures in a new post.
Then next weekend, I'm going to a meeting for a theatre group I joined. We'll be making short plays about fantasy creatures and whatnot. It's going to be great.
The weekend after that, I'll hopefully go to see Kyle <3
The only thing I'm stressed about is my senior project. But I'm not as stressed out as I was. I'm getting things done! I changed my topic, btw. I'm going to be doing stage makeup on my friends. Basically, I'll do a transition video where I turn them into my version of a Disney Princess, then into a prince or a villain. I'm pretty excited about that. I finally got my autobiography and my resume done as well. :3
Oh and also, I'm working on changing my look. I guess you could say I'm going goth. Or punk-ish. Idk what to call it. I would say more goth because I know more about the goth subculture rather than the punk one. Either way. It's a lot of black. And I love it. It makes me feel confident.
It's a slow process which is good, because I don't want to seem like I'm being a hipster or anything like that.
I had my babybat goth years when I was 13 and I kind of got away from it for a couple of years, trying to be a scene kid (ewh LOL) but I've decided that since I admire it so much, and I feel good in it, why not make it an everyday thing! So yes. c:
Anyway, I hope everyone else has been having fun as well, and I'll be here if anyone wants to talk :D
Here's a current picture of me. This is the look I was wearing on Thursday night. :3
Since I'm bored, I did another thing. :U
•I am a cuddler.
•I am a morning person.
•I am an only child.
•I am currently in my pajamas.
•I am currently pregnant.
•I am left handed.
•I am a little shy around the opposite gender I'm a LOT shy around everyone lol.
•I bite my nails.
•I can be paranoid at times.
•I enjoy country music.
•I enjoy smoothies.
•I enjoy talking on the phone.
•I have a car.
•I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
•I have a hidden talent.
•I have a pet.
•I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl. but not this time!
•I have all my grandparents.
•I have been to another country.
•I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
•I have or had broken a bone.
•I have caller I.D. on my phone. I have a cell phone LOL
•I have bathed someone.
•I have changed a diaper.
•I have changed a lot over the past year.
•I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
•I have had major/minor surgery.
•I have killed another person.
•I have had my hair cut within the last week.
•I have mood swings.
•I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have ideas... just unsure of how exactly I'll get there.
•I have rejected someone before. oh girls... I know you want to bear my children but alas, I am gay.~
•I like the taste of blood. call me freaky. I can't explain it.
•I love Michael Jackson.
•I love sleeping.
•I love to shop.
•I own 100 CDs or more.
•I own and use a library card.
•I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
•I sleep a lot during the day.
•I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
•I work at a job that I enjoy.
•I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
•I am wearing socks.
•I am tired.
•I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
•I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.
•Ridden every ride at an amusement park.
•Collected something really stupid.
•Gone to a concert.
•Spun turn tables.
•Watched four movies in one night.
•Been broken up with. and he even faked his own death to get away with me. then came back into my life to fuck everything up.
•Taken a college level course.
•Been in a car accident.
•Been in a tornado.
•Watched someone die. I've seen people get hit by cars and all sorts of things. /:
•Been to a funeral.
•Ran a marathon.
•Your parents got divorced.
•Cried yourself to sleep.
•Spent over $200 in one day.
•Cheated on someone.
•Been cheated on.
•Written a 10 page letter.
•Had a best friend.
•Lost someone you loved. my friend committed suicide and I was in a weird place in life. It took me a year to fully realize he was even gone.
•Gotten in trouble for something you didn’t do. ugh all the time.
•Stolen books from the library.
•Been in a mental hospital. a few times, actually.
•Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
•Fired a gun.
•Been in a school play. I played a guy named Ira, a cool slacker dude lol.
•Been fired from a job.
•Taken a lie detector test.
•Swam with dolphins.
•Attempted suicide. seven times.
•Written poetry. I suck at it, btw.
•Read more than 20 books a year.
•Gone to Europe.
•Loved someone you couldn’t have.
•Used a colouring book over age 12.
•Taken a taxi.
•Had more than 5 online conversations going at once.
•Had a hamster.
•Dyed your hair. every few months~
•Had something pierced. don't get excited, just my ears. I want angelbites though.
•Gotten straight A’s. back in middle school.
•Your parents sent you to a shrink. twice, actually. the first was to help me "find god" the second was to help me get through my parents' divorce. The third time was of my own doing.
•Been handcuffed. my ex-bestfriend and I were a zombie cop and dead prisoner once for halloween. I was the cop. But you know, I'm easily dominated. Lol.
My hair is naturally the color:
My hair color isn't even on here so ginger
My eyes are:
•A combination of things
People sometimes label me as:
Yes all four of those. LOL
Some of my biggest fears are:
•Needles especially needles. x.x
•Being alone in the dark unless it's a familiar place.
•Oceans/large bodies of water
•A friend with benefits
•A laptop in my room
•A television in my room
•My own car
I've had this saved in my phone for a while but I totally forgot who I stole it from! D:
[ ] You carry a mirror everywhere.
[ ] You carry beauty supplies everywhere.
[ ] You put others down.
[ ] You flaunt or brag about yourself.
[ ] The only topic that interests you is you.
[ ] You don't listen to others problems.
[ ] You wear booty shorts.
[x] You wear makeup. (Occasionally, but more than you would think.)
[x] You enjoy attention. (Only from people I know though. Like when one of my friends compliments me on my outfit and they all join in lol)
[ ] You like to do things YOUR way and YOUR way only.
[x] You feel negative about your body image. (being trans*, chubby, and like I have a gross face definitely doesn't help my self-confidence.)
[x] You don't have a lot of money. (We really don't. >.< I'm always the broke bitch.)
[/] You don't have good grades. (They aren't terrible, but they need to be better.)
[x] You're insecure. (lol yeah)
[x] Your living conditions aren't the best. (I get angry a lot here and I'm not treated well often times.)
[x] You cry a lot. (I really do. But I'm working on changing that. And I have yet to cry at school this year so hey! :D)
[x] You are bullied. (Erryday.)
[/] You've never been in a real relationship or have been in a bad one. (I've been in a FEW bad relationships.)
[x] You don't attract all the girls/boys. (girls always fall for me. but guys, not so much.)
[x] You think everyone else has better things. (Because they do lol)
Results: 8. Damn.
[x] You eat a lot. (I gotta stop. >.<)
[x] You always get more than what you need. (Only when we eat out at a buffet or something. I like to get my money's worth.)
[ ] You always have snacks around your house.
[ ] You drink a lot. (Alcohol or?)
[ ] You always have a granola bar or something in your purse.
[ ] You hide food.
[x] You binge-eat.
[x] You are normally warm. (It sucks. o.e I get overheated easily, and I cant stand being hot. But you know what? It's finally cold outside so fuck yeah.)
[ ] You can crack a lot of your bones.
[ ] You often say, "I'm starving...."
[ ] You are very sexually active. (lolno)
[x] You have had three or more girlfriends or boyfriends.
[ ] You wear matching underwear.
[x] You wear a lot of makeup. (Sometimes cx)
[x] You have fetishes. (eheheh. I have my main ones which are mostly about me being a submissive masochist (bdsm). But I do have small ones like when someone moans and breathing fast. I also kind of get turned on when my heart skips a beat. o.o)
[x] You have looked up porn. (Accidentally. I don't like porn really. I think it's a joke and I wouldn't be able to take it seriously. Maybe I just haven't found what I like though.)
[x] You are a fan of Yaoi or Yuri. (My life is yaoi LOL)
[x] You have "fantasized". (LOL okay so once upon a time, I was at my ex-bestfriend's house. This was back in like 7th grade. I fell asleep while she was still awake. Aaaaand I had a wet dream. So I guess that I had moaned in my sleep, and she woke up before it got too serious. But still. That was way embarrassing.)
[ ] You have not had a real relationship.
[ ] You go to anger management classes or used to.
[ ] You have to take special pills.
[ ] You are aggressive.
[x] You hate someone. (There are three people in this world that I wish a fiery death upon.)
[x] You have hurt someone - physically or mentally. (If I ever hurt someone physically, it was probably an accident due to me being clumsy. I hurt my ex-best friend mentally. I regret it. But the bitch hurt me more than I could have ever hurt her so she deserved it.)
[x] You back-talk people. (My parents and a few of my friends lmao)
[x] You have gotten detention before. (For being tardy lol)
[ ] You get into fights - verbal or physical.
[ ] You are strong. (I'm the weakest ever.)
[ ] You often buy things.
[x] You [often] WANT instead of NEED.
[ ] You have expensive things. (lol I don't like to spend more than I should on things. The only expensive thing I own is my iPhone.)
[ ] You put yourself before others.
[x] You can tend to be a little rude. (I try not to be. But I'm very judgmental and bitchy.)
[ ] You don't try to save money.
[ ] You own more than two cars.
[ ] You own more than two credit cards.
[ ] You always have to look the best.
[x] You don't do gym in school or don't try in gym. (lol I had gym freshman year and I just sat against the wall and drew. I somehow managed to pass the class though so hey)
[x] You don't have the best grades.
[x] You procrastinate. (senior project >.< omg)
[ ] You go to bed at ten p.m. (I try to do so, but it never happens because I over think before I sleep. So it's usually 11-12 before I'm asleep.)
[x] You often take naps. (Even though I always feel weird after them.)
[ ] You fall asleep in classes.
[x] You're often called lazy.
[x] You don't participate in class. (>.< too shy)
[x] You do the minimum amount of work. (Why do more than you have to?)
[x] You seldom go to church. (Pff I haven't been to a church since the beginning of the year. And that's only because I had to go with my friend.)
lolol I'm envy (which I saw coming) and sloth. Fun times.