Aha! Yes, folks, 'tis a continuation of the Akatsuki Commandments! Dun-dun-DUUUUUN!!! Enjoy!!
Thou shall not feed Zetsu after midnight.
All was dark in the Akatsuki base. Not a sound could be heard. No one was stirring, not even a mouse. However, a certain plant began to twitch. Suddenly, the two halves of the giant venus flytrap split apart, revealing a face with a black half and a white half. The round, yellow eyes glinted in the darkness. The small alarm clock on the desk against the far wall glowed red in the darkness. It showed the time to be one o’clock in the morning. The lips of the face parted, and a single word escaped. “Hungry.”
Zetsu rose from his sleeping place in the corner of his room. The plant-like man crept out his door and down the hallway towards the kitchen. As he entered the common room, a sudden noise made him dart to a corner and clamp shut. Someone was coming.
Tobi had awakened from a particularly frightening nightmare and had felt the very urgent need to relieve himself. He had heard a noise as he had left the bathroom. It sounded like it was coming from the common room. Tobi entered the room and found Zetsu sleeping in the corner. “Zetsu-san? Zetsu-san! Why is Zetsu-san sleeping in the common room? Tobi does not think Zetsu-san should be sleeping here. Tobi is a good boy, so Tobi will wake Zetsu-san up and get Zetsu-san into Zetsu-san’s bed!” the masked nuisance declared. He tip-toed over to the seemingly sleeping Zetsu and began poking the venus flytrap. Suddenly, it popped open, revealing Zetsu’s face. Tobi jumped, startled. “Hungry,” came Zetsu’s voice. “Zetsu-san, Tobi does not think you should sleep in the common room! So Tobi decided to wake you, because Tobi is a good boy! Is Tobi in the Akatsuki now, Zetsu-san?” Zetsu ignored the masked nuisance’s question, uttering the only word the black half of his face had been uttering since waking up. “Hungry.”
Tobi looked at Zetsu. “Zetsu-san is hungry? Then Tobi the good boy will feed Zetsu-san!” As Tobi ran off to the kitchen, the white half called, “No, don’t feed me! You don’t know what happens when I eat after midnight!” Tobi returned with a muffin in hand and shoved it down Zetsu’s throat. “Now Zetsu-san can go to bed?” he questioned. “Hungry,” the black half said. Tobi ran off again and shortly returned with a sandwich. He stuffed it into Zetsu’s mouth. “Is Tobi in Akatsuki now, Zetsu-san?” he questioned. “More,” said the black half. Tobi ran off again and returned with a whole roasted turkey. Zetsu hastily consumed the bird and uttered once again, “More!” Tobi looked at Zetsu. “Zetsu-san, are you getting taller?” he asked.
This time, Tobi led Zetsu into the kitchen. The masked nuisance opened the refrigerator, his back to the now grinning Zetsu. “Okay, Zetsu-san, open wide!” called Tobi over his shoulder. Zetsu did as he was told, and Tobi began throwing random food items into Zetsu’s mouth. By the time Tobi was finished, Zetsu had consumed the following: three whole pizzas (still frozen), two packages of sandwich meat, a bowl of cottage cheese, eight oranges, five watermelons, four gallons of milk, seven bottles of assorted flavors of soda, nine bowls of jello, two more turkeys (one of which was still frozen and in its packaging), two cartons of orange juice, and some odd-looking conglomeration of vegetables resembling half of a human brain that had been sitting on a plate and wrapped in cling-wrap.
As Tobi turned around, he asked, “Is Tobi in Akatsuki n—Zetsu-san!! Where did you go?!” Tobi looked in every direction except up. An evil laugh seemed to come from above the ceiling. Tobi looked up. “Zetsu-san! How did you get so tall, Zetsu-san?” he asked, not caring that Zetsu was laughing maniacally. Zetsu brought his head back down so that he could look Tobi in the eye. “Tobi, I’m still hungry. Feed me!” he exclaimed. “But, Zetsu-san, the fridge is empty!” Tobi replied. Zetsu grinned, showing his teeth, which seemed to be very sharp. “Z-zetsu-san?” Tobi questioned nervously. Zetsu opened his mouth and clamped onto Tobi’s upper half. The masked nuisance’s legs were kicking and a muffled sound came from within Zetsu’s mouth, “Mmmff! Mmeemmferrr-faaaammaa!!” At that moment, Pein entered the kitchen. “What is going—Zetsu! Spit it out! Now!!” Zetsu spit Tobi out and Tobi landed on his bottom on the floor, covered it spit. By this time, the rest of the Akatsuki had assembled themselves in the kitchen. Deidara, who’s hair was a wreck, couldn’t speak for laughing so hard. Kisame just stared, wide-eyed. Sasori stood with his usual half-lidded look. Kakuzu and Konan simply turned back around and went back to their respective rooms. Hidan uttered a string of profanity. Itachi was facing the opposite direction and saying, “Sasuke? Is that you? You are weak, little brother. You lack hatred, and you will never surpass me. Sasuke!”
