Her heart continues to ache, and she knows it won't stop anytime soon. But hey, I guess the process of moving on is just as hard as loving... If you count in the regrets, maybe even harder... one-sided MayamaAyumi

“Moving on”
By Emina 24

Disclaimer: The series “Honey and Clover” isn’t mine…

Moving on…

Unfair… It hurt her so much, yet he can now smile and be free with the woman he loves… How can it turn out like that? They were both involved, sure it was one-sided, sure all the effort came from her, but he was involved too… He was the other side that’s supposed to be on the receiving end of all her undying love and devotion, if only he accepted… See? They were both concerned, so how come when the whole “please love me” between them is over, she’s the only one who’s hurt? If there had to be pain because of what happened, or what didn’t happen between them, then why is she suffering that pain alone?

Moving on…

She could’ve had him first. She knew that much at least… She was watching him as early as her first year in the art college, and she was pretty sure his heart belonged to no one at that time. Now that she thinks about it, doesn’t that mean it’s partly her fault because it took her so long to tell him how she feels? After thinking harder, would she have told him at all if she didn’t feel that he’s fallen for someone else already? Thinking back, she felt rather content looking at him from afar back when her feelings have just sprouted… So does that mean that she only took the first step when the competition arrived? That makes her an idiot in more ways than one… But still, it doesn’t change the fact that she saw him first… If only she’d been more diligent and quick, then she might’ve had a slight chance of touching his heart. But it’s too late now, and she’s hurting because of it…

Moving on…

The hardest thing about loving Mayama was: he kept pushing her away… It would’ve been much less painful if she was allowed to pour out her heart to him, to let her love him, but no… He decided it would be better to make it clear to young, talented and first-time-in-love Ayumi that she can’t love him because he doesn’t want her to expect anything. That guy is a selfish jerk! And yet, when she closes her eyes, it’s still his face that she sees, and it’s still his voice that she hears… Why does this “love” have to hit her so hard?

Moving on…

Great… That guy gets to keep his conscience clean while she suffers from having the tiniest desire of wishing for his relationship with Rika to fall apart. He’s a smart one, that Mayama. By making a it clear to hear more than once that he would never love her back and by saying, ordering her to stop loving him, he gets the privilege of clearing his conscience of ever playing around with a young, hopeful girl’s heart and smashing it to bits. While she on the other hand, is forced to coexist with the woman he loves in order to just be near him and confirm that he truly is happy with her. But because of her still unwavering feelings for him, a deep part of her wishes for Rika to reject Mayama so he can come crying to her, no matter how much she denies it to herself... She guessed her conscience will leave her with many sleepless nights.

Moving on…

Meeting someone who tells you he loves you while you’re still on the process of letting it sink that the one you love doesn’t and will never love you back kind of makes you feel like you’re a bad person who’s having a fling outside of your “relationship”… What’s worse, is that you begin to understand what your loved one feels like when you confessed to him while he’s in love with someone else. You then realize that the way you feel sorry for the person who confessed to you, must’ve been the way he felt sorry for you when you desperately told him you love him… You then cry again because all along you though Mayama was an insensitive jerk for what he did to you, and now you’re in the same situation as him. And so, to avoid being the insensitive one this time, you begin to accept the love given to you little by little… But just because you’re beginning to let someone love you don’t mean that the scars your loved one inflicted on you will fade. But hey, it sure helps the wounds close up faster.

Moving on…

Someday, when her heart is ready to be finally truly and fully happy for him, she’ll be able to lift away all the burdens she carried because of her one-sided love… But until that day comes, she’ll have no regrets crying her heart out to herself…

…Moved on

+…The End…+