Writers Notes

Wacky Races 2004 is a crossover fan-novel based on the famous 60's cartoon 'Wacky Races', crossed with 'GGGs' and 'The House', that I started writing back in 2003. (So, please excuse the grammar etc, since it IS old after all...) It is actually a 'multiple ending story' and contains 7 main chapters followed by 3 separate character-based endings. Two of the endings focus on either the famous Dick Dastardy, or the popular german racer, the Red Max, depending on who you are rooting for. For those who are rooting for neither, there is the third ending, which is more of a 'surprise ending'.

So, sit back and attempt to enjoy. Lord knows I had fun writing it.

(NOTE: The endings will be posted separately!)

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Chapter 1

Just like old times.

The crowd cheered loudly, the sound echoing everywhere.

It virtually drowned out the din of the engines that were revving up ready to race.

Everyone was there.

The Slag Bros., The Red Max, Penelope Pitstop, Peter Perfect, Luke and Blubber Bear, Rufus Ruffcut and Sawtooth, Prof. Pat Pending, The Ant Hill Mob, The Gruesome Twosome, Sarge and Meekly and, of course, Dick Dastardly.

There were also some newcomers.

In car No. 12 was a woman called Julie Prince. Her car was called the Princess Cut. In car 13, the Harlequin Star, was a Girl called Rachel Prince. In car 14 was Ryan F Prince (F for Francis, he so hated that name), his car being the Black-Hand.

There they all were, sparkling in their brilliant White, Crimson and British Racing Green. Cars made of steel, glass and Wood.

Roaring with eagerness, they perched just before the Starting line.

The race began.

Off they went, as fast as they could.

The Army Surplus Special was in the lead, followed by The Red Max and Peter Perfect.

Pulling up the rear at a steady pace was Rachel Prince, Luke and Blubber Bear and Penelope Pitstop.

Everyone was having the time of their lives.

The newbies were exited with the new experience and the originals were thrilling at the nostalgia.

Something that HADN’T changed though, was Dick Dastardly’s cheating.

He still thought he could win with his sneaky methods.

He had taken a short cut and ended up in first place.

That always seemed to happen, he would take first place with no trouble at all. It was staying there that was the problem.

If he didn’t stop to set up traps and whatnot, he would probably win with ease.

In the last Wacky Races, he didn’t win a single event.

But this time… Maybe things would change…

"We must hurry, we have to get a decent lead before we can set up my new cunning trap," he sniggered leaning towards Muttley, "I didn’t win a single event in the last tourney, but THIS time… It will be different! I have changed my strategy."

Muttley snickered loudly.

He pulled up to the side of the road and got out his car.

He held up a wire.

"This, my dear Muttley, is what is known as a ‘Fibre Wire’. I have made an extra long piece to go across the road." he smiled devilishly, "I will tie one end to this tree here and the other will be tied to that road sign… When the cars come along, anyone who has a convertible or a regular open topped car, will have no head."

Muttley looked surprised at the plan.

Dick tied one end to the tree.

"Well, come along then! Don’t just stand there! Tie the other end to the sign!"

Muttley grabbed it in a rather unwilling manner and tied it round the sign.

"Quick, here they come! Hide!"

They both dived behind the nearest rock and peered out awaiting the bloody carnage to unfold.

Unfortunately for them, Prof. Pat Pending was now in the lead and had spotted the Fibre Wire.

"Oh my," he exclaimed, "That could do some serious damage! I’ll just convert into a pair of wire cutters using ‘Wire-Cutter Power’."

He raced past, cutting the Fibre Wire in the process.

Dick emerged in a furious rage.

"THAT STUPID PROFESSOR!" he boomed, "He is the one who ALWAYS ruins my best schemes!"

He kicked a nearby rock and ended up bashing his toe really hard.

"Ooch, ow, eek!"

"Hee-Hee-Hee-Hee," snickered Muttley.

Dick threw the rock at him and it hit him on the head.

They clambered back into the car again, injured already.

"I don’t know." said Dick in a moap-ish sort of way, "We have only just started racing and we have failed again."

He rubbed his toes.

"You would have thought that with all the years that have gone by, I would have gotten better!"

He started the engine up again.

It roared in a thunderous way. It clearly was quite a beast.

Now in last place, they continued driving.

Dick suddenly had another Idea.

It was quite an old scheme, one that had been tried and tested… and failed.

He knew that there was a small underpass nearby. If he could get on top, he would be able to push the rocks onto the road.

He exited the road and headed for the underpass.

Back in first position, Peter Perfect was busy hitting on Penny.

But his car ended up falling apart like it always used to do.

Penny apologised as he shrank into a little dot on the horizon and ended up in last place.

Penny now had the lead.

Rufus Ruffcut stopped to give Peter a hand assembling his car again.

By now, Dick had reached the underpass and had taken first place.

He climbed all the way to the top and peered towards the horizon.

He could see the racers approaching rapidly.

"Quick Muttley!" he said handing him a metal rod, "Help me push these rocks onto the road!"

Muttley grabbed the rod and heaved and strained at the pile of rubble before him.

It collapsed in wards, sending dust and debris flying everywhere.

Penelope had to stop very quickly, or she would have ended up looking like a pancake.

"OH!" she exclaimed, "Well, I never! How are we ever gonna get by now?"

The Boulder Mobile pulled up and the Slag Brothers climbed out.

They walked up to the mound and started to clobber it.

But, it was no use, no matter how hard they tried, the just couldn’t move it.

By now, all the Racers had stopped and had got out of their cars to investigate the delay.

Rachel pulled up in her car, peered at the mound and all the cars in a queue and got out.

"What’s going on?" she asked Rufus Ruffcut, who was busy leaning on his car.

"The roads out due to a landslide," he said raising his eyebrows, "There’s no way past it and we can’t exactly go back now."

"Hmm…" she said eyeing the mound.

She suddenly saw movement up on the top of the underpass.

It was Dastardly jumping for joy that his plan had worked.

"Hm? Who’s that?" she asked pointing upwards.

Rufus looked up to where she was pointing.

"Oh no.. It’s Dastardly! He must have caused the landslide!"

Rachel raised an eyebrow.

"Why would he want to do that?" she asked.

The Red Max walked over.

"Because he is a cheating weasel. He cheats all the time, just to win."

"Does it work?" asked Rachel looking up at Dastardly, who was leaping around still.

Rufus laughed raucously, which made most of the racers look round in shock.

"Nope!" sniggered the Red Max.

Peter Perfect strolled over.

"You see, the thing is… He has one of the best cars in the race. Apart from mine of course… Mine is perfect."

Suddenly, Peter’s car fell to pieces again.

He clasped his palms to his face and ran over to it to fix it.

Rufus laughed loudly again and everyone followed suit.

Rachel walked forwards to the mound and prodded it.

She looked up again, only to see he was gone.

She ran back to her car and started the engine up.

Backing up and turning round, she raced off the way she came, passing Prof. Pat Pending on the way. (He had a flat so had to stop.)

She exited the road and followed Dastardly’s tire tracks in the dust.

Eventually, she caught up with him.

Her car was going as fast as it could, but she still couldn’t quite keep up.

Dastardly checked his mirror and saw her car behind him.

"How!" he thought to himself in a rather puzzled manner.

He clicked a button and out flew a grenade from the rear of his car.

Rachel only just managed to swerve out of the way before it hit her.

She pushed her foot as hard as she could on the accelerator and just managed to over take.

Dick peered into the drivers window to see who this insulate person was that had managed to get one over on him.

Rachel peered back, in a rather surprised way.

"Why do you cheat?" she shouted, over the din of the engine and the wind as they tore across the roads.

Dick looked puzzled by this query and raised an eyebrow.

"What?" he called.

"Why do you cheat?"

Muttley looked at the road ahead and saw an oncoming truck headed for them.

He whimpered and tapped Dick on his shoulder.

But Dastardly took no notice, that is until Rachel shrieked and swerved violently.

"ARGH!" he shouted swerving too.

They closed back in and continued with their shouting.

"If you don’t mind" hollered Dick, "I have a race to win! I have a lot more traps to set up yet and I can’t spend my valuable time talking to you!"

Rachel seethed inside, but tried her hardest to keep it in.

"I don’t know whether you have noticed at all, but it is because of your cheating that you lose," she called back, "You always start off in the lead and you would stay there if you didn’t stop off to lay traps!"

Dick thought about this new way of thinking, then hit the turbo.

He sped off, leaving Rachel eating his dust.

She rolled to a stop, her engine steaming.

"Oh great," she thought.

Suddenly, on the horizon could be seen the racers.

They had managed to get past the mound of rubble.

Rachel was leaning with her back against her car roof when they approached.

Penelope and Peter stopped next to her car and got out to see if they could help.

"Where did you shoot off to in such a hurry," asked Penny.

"Oh… I just wanted to have a word with Dick," replied Rachel.

Peter opened her bonnet and got blasted with a load of hot steam. "Cough!"

Rachel laughed. It did look hilarious.

"Did you catch up with him?" asked Penny curiously.

"Yeah. We exchanged shouts," laughed Rachel.

Peter fiddled with some things in her car, nearly getting knocked over by the passing racers.

"So, how did you get past the obstruction," asked Rachel inquisitively.

"Oh, good ol’ Prof. Pat Pending used his instant tunnel maker again, just like last time we had something like that happen," replied Penny giggling.

Peter closed the bonnet and smiled.

"There we are, good as new."

Rachel laughed and pointed at Peter.

"Are you sure I should trust him fiddling with my cars engine? It might fall to pieces, HAHA!"

Penny giggled and Peter stuck his nose in the air… Then saw the funny side of it and laughed along with them.

They all got back into their cars and continued racing.

Dick was busy driving really fast and was fuming.

"Drat that Racer! What does she know?" he boomed, "You lose because you cheat… I mean, how can she be certain?"

Muttley shrugged and covered his ears, as Dick was virtually shouting down them.

He came to the spot that he was going to set the next trap up in and stopped.

He took out everything he was going to need and barked orders to Muttley.

Muttley, the poor thing, had to do all the work.

Thankfully for him, he got to have a real good laugh when it blew up in Dick’s face and they ended up in last place.

Rachel stopped and pulled up beside the heap that was the Mean Machine.

She got out, wondering where the owners were.

Suddenly, there was a groaning sound coming from within the mass of mangled metal and smashed glass.

Rachel peered inside and saw a very bruised and battered Dastardly.

She offered him a hand and she pulled him out of the wreckage.

He rubbed his head and tugged his hat on properly.

Rachel couldn’t see Muttley anywhere and started getting concerned.

"Where’s your dog", she asked craning her neck to see if she could see him.

"Who? Muttley? I… I don’t know," he said realising Muttley wasn’t there, "Muttley? Muttley! MUTTLEEEY!"

He ran around the wreckage, trying to find Muttley, but couldn’t see him anywhere.

Suddenly, there was a whimper coming from behind a rock that was just in front of the heap of metal.

"MUTTLEY!" called Dick, "We are going to lose if you keep on moping about like that!"

Rachel frowned and swatted him out of the way.

"Stop shouting! I think he’s hurt."

She picked Muttley up and placed him on the bonnet of her car.

Dick followed, trying to wipe his wounds clean with his jacket sleeves.

They both looked at Muttley, who was obviously in pain.

"I think he has broken his leg," said Rachel prodding Muttley’s left leg.

Muttley howled in pain.

Dick suddenly looked worried.

He was actually worried!

"Muttley old pal! Speak to me! Are you ok!"

"He’ll be fine!" said Rachel, trying to swat his hands away from Muttley’s wounded leg, "Just be careful not to touch his left leg!"

She got out her first aid kit and bandaged his leg up securely.

"You see! That’s what you get when you cheat! Be thankful it was just a broken bone. It could have been a lot worse," exclaimed Rachel.

Dick looked up at her with a look of worry on his face.

"Are you sure he’s going to be fine?"

"Yes!" she said picking Muttley up carefully and placing him in her car, "I will look after him until we get to the finish line."

Dastardly didn’t like the idea, but he had no choice.

"Just do one thing for me…" she said.

"What?"

"Just… TRY to race without cheating. Please! If not for me, do it for Muttley."

He frowned.

Mumbling, he twiddled his thumbs.

Then, he looked at Muttley, who was asleep in Rachel’s car.

So pitiful…

"…I will try…" he mumbled.

"Oh thank you!", she shouted jumping on the spot, "You’ll see that you can win by not cheating! I promise you won’t regret it!"

Dick eyed her suspiciously.

He really didn’t like the idea at all, but if he had to, well then he had to.

He stared at Muttley. He looked so helpless with his leg bandaged up.

Rachel opened her car door.

"Don’t worry! I’ll take real good care of him, I promise."

Dick frowned and walked to the wreck of his car.

"Sure you don’t need any help with that," she called.

Dick turned his head, frowned even more and said no.

He clambered in and his car magically appeared back to normal.

He started the engine and Rachel followed suit.

She strapped Muttley in nice and tight and started back on the road.

Dick was going at around the same speed and was neck and neck.

"And remember," called Rachel, "No Cheating!"

"Humph," he seethed.

He then pressed his foot as hard as he could on the accelerator and was gone.

Rachel grinned and set off herself.

Behind her, the Crimson Hay baler was fast approaching.

The Red Max smiled as he overtook on the left.

"Hi," called Rachel waving.

The Red Max waved back and pulled in front.

Rachel was now in 3rd position, Dick being in 1st and The Red Max in 2nd.

Behind her, in 4th place, was Julie.

Julie was actually Rachel and the other new Racer Ryan’s Mom.

The road was a long, dusty straight road and had just started to curve ever so slightly to the left.

The Finish line was only a few miles away now and it looked like Dick had taken her advice.

He was sat in his car, speeding down the road at about 130 mph.

He had a massive frown across his face and was thinking about Muttley.

"She had better take extra care of him. If she hurts one hair on his head, I’ll… I’ll…" He then realised, "Wait a moment! I’m in 1st place! A-a-and there’s the finish line!"

He stared in shock and looked behind to see if the other racers were gaining on him.

But they weren’t and it was a clean sweep to the finish line.

The crowd was silent, all in shock at what they had seen and at what they were seeing.

His car roared past the finish line.

The crowd erupted in a mass of cheers, hooting and whistling.

Dick got out of his car, wide-eyed and speechless.

The other racers finally crossed the finish line after about 5 minutes of waiting.

In 2nd was the Red Max and 3rd place went to Rachel.

The Red Max got out his car, as did Rachel and walked up to Dick.

They both shook his hand.

"I-I Don’t know what to say," exclaimed Max, "congratulations Dastardly!"

Dick stood there, having his hand shook, in silence.

Rachel shook his hand, smiling brightly at him.

"SEE! I TOLD YOU!" she exclaimed.

Dick, who seemed to be in a trance, looked up at her with tears in his eyes.

He tried to say something, but his mouth wouldn’t let him.

Rachel’s smile grew wider and she found herself welling up.

"Congratulations," she said giving him a great big hug.

He accepted, even welcomed the hug and smiled too.

Peter Perfect, who had just crossed the finish line, leaped out of his car.

He raced up to Dick with an expression of surprise and alarm.

Shaking his hand, Peter smiled and nodded his head.

All the other racers crowded round him, congratulating him.

Even though he was a cheater, everyone was happy for him.

Muttley, who was in the nearest medical centre, hadn’t found out about the win.

Dick turned his head towards Rachel, who was busy wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

"T-t-thank you," he whispered through his own tears.

All the other racers noticed his words and were quite puzzled.

"If it wasn’t for her, I probably would have lost," he explained.

Everyone looked astonished.

It really was a wonderful day.