The girl shut down her computer dejectedly and sat staring at the blank screen for a while, filled with swirling, hazy thoughts and feelings. She had finally finished writing her essay for school, but she felt certain that she had done it all wrong. Flipping her long, wavy hair over her shoulder, she stood up and surveyed her messy room. She knew she needed to tidy it, but it could wait. There were other things on her mind at the moment.
A book was lying discarded on the floor, and the girl picked it up in an attempt to lose herself in the fantasy worlds that used to enthral her so. But it didn’t work; she simply couldn’t enjoy what she was reading. Sighing, she lay the book down again, and turned on her television. She flicked through the channels restlessly, unable to settle on one show. Nothing could amuse her at the moment – she just didn’t enjoy anything that she used to.
Her bed seemed warm and sheltering, so she curled up in a tight ball under the covers. She welcomed the familiar feeling of comfort that appeared every time she crawled in there. Tears ran down her face before seeping into the pillows coldly. A few weeks ago, she would have choked them back, but now she had simply lost all her energy. She felt as though all the colour had been sucked out of her life; it was as though she had simply lost the will to live. All she ever felt these days was a cold, sick feeling of emptiness that threatened to consume her as it had her whole life.
More tears flowed out at the thought of how much longer she would feel this way. What if it never stopped, what if this was just how she would always feel? That thought terrified the girl, and she clawed at her knees anxiously. She wasn’t sure she could stand it if this was just how she was supposed to live every day of her life. A sudden stinging pain shook her from her thoughts; she had been scrabbling at her knees so hard that her nails had punctured the layers of skin, and blood was creeping out. The girl smiled masochistically; enjoying the fact that now she was hurting on the outside as well as the inside. People wouldn’t take notice of her emotional pain, but there was no way they could ignore physical harm.
A few weeks later, the girl was walking home from school alone. She had spent the day smiling and laughing with her friends, still forcibly restraining the overwhelming feelings of self-loathing and gloom. But now she got to be alone, again, and she didn’t have to hide anything. Honestly, she hated being thrust upon other people – she would much rather be alone. So no matter how many social invites she received, she would always decline. She would not impose her presence on unsuspecting innocents, and hoped they would return the favour.
At home that night, she reached over to her bedside table and took one of the tablets diagnosed to help her sleep. It had been about two months since she had enjoyed a full night’s sleep, but the pills gave her a little rest. With trembling hands, the girl reached out for another tablet. All she desired was one unbroken night’s sleep…
Eventually, she had worked her way through the whole packet. As she tossed the box into the bin, she smiled vindictively at the thought of the sixteen tablets floating somewhere inside of her. It would only take ten more minutes for them to affect her.
After ten minutes, thirty six seconds and fifteen milliseconds – as counted by the girl’s perfectly timed watch – a pang of drowsiness swept through her. She settled down beneath her bedcovers, laying her head down on her pillow daintily. Maybe now she could sleep for a whole, undisturbed night – and perhaps (if she was very lucky) she would not ever have to wake….
The following morning, the girl’s mother’s wails could be heard by the whole street. All of her neighbours filtered out of their houses just in time to hear her tell the police officer in a weak, wobbling voice, that, “I just don’t understand why she would do something like that! She was such a happy, cheerful girl, and her friends were always inviting her out! It must have been an accident, it must have!” She dissolved into crazy sobs in front of the policeman, who simply patted her on the back. To him, this was just another teen suicide – the parents could never understand, it would seem. He rolled his eyes grimly, counting down the minutes until he could leave.
