This is my submission for January's Fan Challenge over on The Otaku Fan Challenge and cross-posted on The Watercooler. If you want a hit at all about the recipient's identity, I tagged the post.

I feel the epic urge to write fan fiction now. O_o Shoot me. (My apostrophe key is jaa~~~~amming! TT__TT)

Yo, Buff Hardcheese,

Okay, you were supposed to laugh at that. Jeez, you have no sense of humor lately. I know it’s difficult and all, being who you are. Bet you’ll laugh for your wife; I know ‘cause she’s everything to you. Her and your child might as well be the entire world now that I think about it.

Then again, I know it’s pretty tough on you right now. I mean, with the enemies that feel no pain and the thought of two effing dragons on the other side would probably put a damper on my day too. That plus your cousin gallivanting all over the country and out of the country and whatnot probably doesn’t help much. He’s supposed to be helping out and all he does is hang out with elves, dwarves and whines. Jeezum crowe, can that boy whine. Then again… I don’t need to tell you that, eh? Probably heard a lot of that tripe when you were younger.

You know, I really have to admire you. You’re so admirable and focused that you don’t need any special abilities or magic to hold your own in battle… and a hammer of all things! You expect to win a fight with a hammer when everyone else has a goddamned sword—then you smash some faces in and I laugh heartily at the ownage.

Ownage? Erm, that’s a term used to describe when you totally wreck someone’s shit… no, wait… when you severely beat someone either literally or metaphorically… erm… like when you and your cousin took on those creepy-arse-beaked-creatures and won or proving you are right and someone else is severely wrong… alright, I’ll drop it.

Anyways, I’m running out of time and I thought I needed to tell you that I’ve always rooted for you ever since the beginning. I know you’ll do the right thing up until the very end. You may be able to defeat near ten-score men on your own, but non-magic people have to stick together. Your leadership, fighting skills and personable spirit really has set you apart from the rest.

Oh, and watch out for the cat; that’s an armful of trouble if I’ve ever seen it… and that’s including your weenie-cousin.

Best Wishes in Bashing in the Enemies' Face,

Nehszriah Shirubaa-Kiri Morganna

Wait a second… why am I writing to you? Can you even read, Farm Boy? Oh well…