The Artist’s Alley, as I’ve touched on before, is a place full of creativity. Unfortunately, where there is creativity, there is also idiocy, and in abundance.

I don’t necessarily mean the people behind the tables, though admittedly I’ve met some real asshats in my day that had their own AA table. Most artists I meet in AA’s (when I actually have time to get up and walk around) are kind, open to discussion, and are just like anyone else: simple folk trying to make a buck with their talent and skill.

What the general populace tends to forget is that putting your artwork out there for the world to see, and potentially buy, is a tremendous show of bravery and heart. I know that probably sounds lame as hell to some of you, but believe me, until you’ve spent months pouring your heart and soul into an art piece only to show it publicly at a convention full of literally thousands of individuals who all think they're professional critics, some of whom are real jerks, opening yourself up to criticism, moronic comments, and outright harassment, you can never understand.

So I’m going to set some kind guidelines that both artists and average Joes should follow in AA’s.

Artists first:

The number one rule, and the one you can not break under any circumstances, is always be polite. I know that sometimes when some kid comes up and starts bitching away about your artwork to your face, there’s nothing more you’d like to do than break something over their skulls. But you just can’t do that. I’ve sold tons of artwork just making kind conversation with people, and have made tons of friends in just that manner. I met one of my best friends at a convention, and she was freaking over a mild lesbian piece I had on my table. I half expected her to go crazy on me, but simple conversation eased the situation, and now we're buddies (love ya Cinderz!). I’ve dealt with smelly fanboys, angry or bitter artists, would-be-arteest teenagers who think they’re all that and a can of coke, you name it. But I always find a polite way to deal with them.

Say for instance someone comes to your table and says the infamous “Pfft…I can do that way better.” My favorite way to deal with this is to hand them a sharpie and a piece of paper, smile, and say “Please! Show me!” Now, I’m not doing to be a bitch about it, though sometimes it feels damn good to watch them get all flustered and stomp off with the trademark "...yeah well I would, but I don't feel like it right now." But truthfully, and at the heart of the matter, I want to learn as much as I can from as many people as I possibly can. Maybe this kid has an awesome way of drawing hands that I’ve never seen, or has a keen eye for a way to improve my inking. If they’re really that good, I want to know. Try to be objective when you hear stuff like that.

The second piece of advice I can offer those of you who are working is ‘don’t be a bitch’. What do I mean by this? I mean don’t track down a staff member to cry about every last little thing you can’t stand about your table, or your location, or your lack of power outlet, or the fact that the guy next to you won’t stop babbling into your ear while you’re trying to work. Staff members and staff heads, most of the time, bust their asses to make things as comfortable as possible, but things happen that are beyond their control. I always say you catch more flies with honey…you know the drill. Don’t make yourself stand out as a whiner. And if you have ideas, tell the staff! Just make sure you do it after the con when they aren’t sleep deprived and potentially starving and/or crabby as hell.

The third and final piece of advice is a measure of keeping tabs on yourself, and ensuring you are in a decent mood. For the love of all that’s holy people, get up and pee, eat, take a walk, take time to enjoy the convention! I have a horrible time with this. Most of the time I don’t think to get up and do anything unless our lovely assistants Nobaku or Lizzy come up behind me, stop the folks I’m babbling with, and kindly point out that I haven’t had a break in eight hours and really need to eat. Don’t try and eat at your table either; it never works and two hours later, your Sonic Coney won’t taste nearly as good…unless you’re me and there are no Sonics in the area. Damn you, Sonic! *shakes fist*

Now, for the attendees:

Do not, under any circumstance, walk up and make the following idiotic comments:

1. Don’t buy that, it’s a waste of money. I can find it for free for you on the internet. If you are ever near my table and I hear you say this, I will personally throw something at you. No, you will not find it for free on the internet, because all my internet stuff is watermarked. So phooey on you. ;)

2. I can draw way better than that. Don’t waste your money. Sure, maybe you can. But that is the most insulting, rude thing you could possibly say. Have some tact.

3. OHMYGODCANYOUDRAWSASUKEANDNARUTOTOGETHERCUZTHATSYAOIZOMG11!!!1!! …yeah, don’t even have to explain this one. And I swear to god someone HAS said this to me, including the “one one exclamation exclamation one” part.

4. Your art sucks. Yup! Thanks. ^_^ Seriously, most artists don’t take that kind of commentary seriously, so don’t waste your breath. If this is the kind of comment you'd usually make, do us all a favor and go troll a forum somewhere. It'll be more effective.

I’m sure someone out there will use the whole “there’s a difference between criticism and offering advice” fallback on this. But here’s the thing folks; there is a time and place for advice, and at a convention table is not necessarily one of them. If the artist asks for advice or a critique, then by all means, have at it. But just because you think you know of a better way to do it, does NOT give you the god given right to point it out to the artist. Sorry, I stand firm on this. I’m all about constructive criticism. It’s how you grow. But I hate it when I’m in the middle of working, busting my hump all weekend with my nose to the literal grindstone, only to have someone trying to tell me about a flaw while I have a line of people there, all waiting to buy things, and I’m trying to juggle eight tasks at once. It’s hard, and on top of that, it makes it nearly impossible to get the full impact of what the critique may be. That, and keep in mind, not every artist is going to be open minded. You could start a fight or an argument, or possibly even send the poor kid to tears.

It boils down to common sense. Be kind; treat folks the way you would want to be treated. Remember, the AA is not all fun and games. The folks there are working all day, sometimes with non specific hours that keep them up till 2 or 3 in the morning. Some of them (like me) take too many commissions to appease all of their customers, and then are stuck awake till 5am just to make all of the customers happy, despite the fact that they had to run five panels that day. Make no mistake about it, its work. Fun work at times, but it’s still work, and work of the most difficult kind; the kind where you put your own ass on the line.

Be kind, use common sense, and most importantly, enjoy yourself without doing so at the expense of others. Simple enough, right?

Also I’m taking a poll on what my next post should be about:

A. How to handle commission work
B. Great sources of artistic reference material
C. Tools of the trade