WARNING: If you do not want to read my venting, I suggest you leave now.
VENT
I'm tired of it. Tired of school. Tired of drama. Tired of my screw-ups. Tired of my life. I couldn't give a damn about another person's life right now, which is not me. That's the thing!
I'm not perfect! Shout out to some specific people here! NO ONE'S PERFECT.
I've been hiding my depression for too long now behind a heavy mask. This mask has gotten old and I can't afford to get a new one. Deal with it. I'm tired of this crap you give me. You think YOU have it bad, I can't tell you how many times I've begged in my mins for you to just leave me the hell alone.
I won't mention any names. No, I'm not cruel. The real Angel isn't cruel. She couldn't be! She's WAY too nice! How could such an innocent girl as herself do such a thing so un-Angel like?
I can't. Not in front of your face, that is.
Why can't you just shut up for once? This crap is hard enough to deal with, considering the stress and drama you put me through. I've considered just shriveling up and dieing. I can't deal with this much long. Realize how I don't say "anymore". It's because I'n considering the feelings other people have around me. Sure, they've voiced and shown how they care for me. But, do they really mean it? Do they? Am I just getting pity attention for being such a quiet girl and such an outcast? And, NO, I don't want to hear crap from you anymore! I don't care if your life is worse than mine! I wouldn't give a damn if you came crying to me, begging down on your knees and desperately trying to wash away the guilty blood that pools below your feet that's come from your mind from being so naïve and not realizing that your call for pity just ticks people off!
I'd be glad if you never remembered a thing I said to you. I've never ONCE worded my opinion about how I'm getting tired of stuff going on around me to you. I wouldn't be able to voice how I feel or how I'm feeling to my self. I can't do it because the mask I've held on to for so long has become permanent and I can't seem to break out of the permanent glue that keeps this damn mask over my real self. I've never once let anyone else see me as a different person.
I hate crying. I hate it so much because it's a sign of weakness. I want my old life back. I was doing just fine and dandy until my Guardian Angel left me to wither and die in my room. I want her to come back. This isn't your fault, but I was doing just fine until she left me with nothing but photographs. Sure, I can talk to her. But, I miss her hugs. She was my biggest source of comfort for years, coming second to my mom. I want her back. I want her back by my side. Please.
But it's too late. As an old saying back in Kindergarden...
No take backs.
END VENT
