Yesterday was a mild shock. I haven't 'moved on' yet, but I have at least settled to where I can still be mostly loopy around other people again. And doing things helps; I spent a few hours late last night helping some girl with her College Algebra homework and felt great because whatever I was saying was helping her see the right stuff, and she was knocking her homework right out—whereas before she was doing a lot of headdesking while her other friend was busy telling her what was going to happen without bothering with the why or how.
Anyway, I'm sure you all have heard that it's different when you hear about someone with a debilitating condition than when you find out someone you know has the same. It's true. But I think the kicker isn't so much that you have a face to put on the situation, but rather the memories involved with them and wondering if they've changed, and how much.
When I was tight with him, Cody was a card. (Well, in as much as a guy who's just on the straight side of gay can be a card.) As conceited as this will sound, it's rare for me to find a person who can play off of me in ways I don't expect, especially after I've just done the same to them. He did end up claiming to actually be gay, but those of us who knew him always joked that he didn't quite have the resolve to stay there; I remember saying once that he was 50/50 at best, though obviously we were just having a good time with it.
As of now, I don't know anything beyond what I said earlier. According to what I heard from my mother, there is a tumor on his brain stem, there's no way to operate on it, and he apparently isn't doing well. So what hurt most yesterday was wondering if he'd been affected by it by now, and if so how much.
I asked my mother to find out everything she can about the situation, and I'll be attempting to head home this weekend to see what I can see myself.
And thanks, guys. I know there isn't a lot you can say or do over the internet, but I appreciate the sentiment.
-----------------------
There's construction going behind my dorm, where a parking lot used to be. I'm glad my window overlooks the lot so I can see stuff happen.
It occurs to me that dug up earth looks a lot like tasty brownie mix.
