And it was great.
No, really. I enjoyed every minute of it. (Including the part where I got stuck because I thought I had to pull a block out and spent a half hour not trying to push it in, which was the correct decision.) I thought the entire level was cleverly designed, and it made me think about every step I'd taken trying to get to the finish. Incidentally, I haven't totally finished the Fire Temple, despite having beaten the boss.
I did make quite a few "oh, are you serious" comments to myself when I forgot that you couldn't do certain things from certain places, or when I was facing down those buggered clams and my back was on the wall. But things like Dark Link went as well as could be expected. (I backed him into a wall to score the first few hits, then proceeded to suck up the blows and cut off his feet.) And the vortex-river was interesting. There was a lot of "Go, Link! Gogogogogo!" and "ROLL FOR YOUR LIFE" involved, but I negotiated it with much laughing.
I talk Link through things. Yes.
No, the only part of the Water Temple I found annoying were the last two rooms: the foyer right before the boss fight, and the boss fight itself. In the foyer, if you remember (or if you haven't played), there's this sudden sharp incline that Link must run up, but he can't run up inclines all that fast. (Realism from the programmers.) To make it a little more challenging, the programmers added spiky-slider things on alternating timings, just to royally piss you off. Because if you stop moving, or if you take one hit, or if you change directions, you go sliding back down to the bottom.
That wasn't clever. That was just freaking stupid.
And then in the boss room, there are these four platforms in the middle of a big pool, and around the perimeter are spikes placed just so if you jump off the platforms and run a second too far, you hit them.
And the pool is the boss.
"Morpha, Giant Aquatic Amoeba"
First off, how the frick does Link even know what an amoeba is? It's freaking Hyrule. The closest you've got to a scientist is this creepy blind old bat of a woman who makes potions for you if what you give her smells interesting. Or her not-blind-but-no-less-weird friend out at Lake Hylia.
Anyway. It's a freaking amoeba.
The weak point of this crap is a nucleus of pink stuff that looks like one of Necrid's weapons in SoulCal2. It has total free movement in water (and you don't), so if you happen to fall in the water, it'll dart over and start bapping you until you manage to escape it and clamber back out. It attacks you by forming these large tentacle-like things—oh hey, here.
It forms those creepy totally-not-porno suckers that kind of stand up in the air dumbly for a minute before slapping down horizontally in whatever direction you happen to be standing. Nevermind that it's an amoeba, if you're far enough away, it can't stretch to get to you. (Which is about the only redeeming feature of this creature. Rhyme.) It lays there for another minute, then if you happen to be near it'll swipe at you, and if it grabs you it kind of waves you about in the air and slowly drains two and a half hearts (I mean, like, at a quarter heart every five seconds or something; it's ridiculous) while giving you the illusion that if you struggle and mash buttons you'll somehow free yourself. Then it throws you across the room.
In order to even strike the nucleus, you have to pull it out of one of the arms. The nucleus will actually start running up and down the second arm it forms (or so, ish, kinda sorta), and you get to yank it out with A SOMETHING HAHA SPOILER who am I kidding, the freaking hookshot, what else, and then you smack it once and it BOUNDS AWAY HAHAHA NEENER NEENER.
You have to repeat this six freaking times. I mean, my gosh.
I'm tempted to go finish the Biggoron's Sword quest so I can kill these things faster, since I seem to never need the shield during boss fights, aside from maybe Dark Link and Ganondorf.
I used two fairies because of gayness and finished the stage with one and a half hearts left. Which was appropriate, I think, because that meant Link was leaning on his knees and puffing, which is about how I would have felt.
What a stupid final boss. I mean, it wasn't even hard. It was just damn irritating.
Great level, two stupid rooms.
You think that level was nasty, go play some Devil May Cry. Just don't throw the controller through the television when you get frustrated.
