Ok so today im leaving early to go to the docs. the only reason why i came to school today is because my lil sis had a meeting thing she had to go to with our mom. so at like 9 something im gonna leave. im not even going to first period. o_o
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so yeah, thats it.
Oh, and Justines not here. which is probably a good thing. we'll both miss a day after ditching all those classes and then get the punishment tomorrow. so that actually works out nicely.
^_^
oh and im randomly happy again today. which actually suprises me. i thought for sure id be super depressed today, cause i was really depressed yesterday after school and stuff.
...
for reasons i wont explain
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but yeah, i guess im just getting better at keeping things to myself again. i used to just keep everything to myself, but then i started spilling my guts to everybody. so i guess im getting my self control back, which is good. ive been feeling pretty pathetic lately, so maybe that will help.
...
yeah.
i doubt it.
...
Anyways, back to the happy.
gotta stay happy.
...
Hm?
Oh, my lil sis lost her nintendo ds yesterday and broke the news to our mom last night. man was she pissed. which is understandable, those things cost a lot of money, that and the game that was in it was like 20 some more dollars. and i think my pokemon saphire game was in there too, although i didnt tell my mom that. they both seemed upset enough as it was...
so yeah, that sucks.
and the ds game that she lost was the final fantasy one and i really liked that game. i was so freaking close to beating it.
T-T
but oh well.
it doesnt really matter i guess.
its just a game.
what really bothers me is that my mom seems to already have forgotten about it. i swear she cant stay mad at korie for even one whole day. and yet she can stay mad at me for weeks, and then months later bring it up agian.
*sigh*
life is so unfair for the middle child. its always the older or yunger siblings that gets spoiled...
-_-
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and thats all for today.
see ya peoples tomorrow.
Whats up peoples? it feels like i havent been on in forever, but its only been like 3 days. lol.
Oh well, how was everybodys weekends?
...
again i ask and expect a response.
*shakes head*
So, i ended up not going to the mall. my sis cancelled on me, but she said we could go next saturday, so me is looking forward to that.
*nods*
Um, this is random but i bought some new socks over the weekend and i really dont like them. im wearing some right now and they keep falling down, and i wear the ones that only go up to my ankles, so they're like balled up under my feet and it feels weird walking now. but every time i fix them they just end up falling down again... so thats annoying. and completely worthless info for you guys. sorry bout that.
-_-
Hm?
so yeah, as the title said im happy but bored. but im not sure why im happy... it is very confusing. actually i think ive been doing pretty good at the whole acting happy thing. so i guess im happy because ive been happy. lol... yeah that makes no sense at all.
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Oh, me and Justine ditched 1st and 2nd period today... we are going to get into so much trouble tomorrow. >_<
but whatever, i had fun so i think it was worth it.
^_^
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oh yeah! i watch strawberry marshmallow this weekend. and it was good. a little slow moving, and there wasnt any real plot to it, but it was funny.
here, ill end with a pic from it.
im not sure why, but the girl in the middle reminded me a lot of Justine. and its not just because her hair. i could totally see Justine being like her when shes that age. ^_^
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and now i leave.
Bye-bye
*waves*
sorry, i suck at coming up with a title.
...
T-T
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yeah...
me is bored.
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i have free in drivers right now so im in the library, and i have nothing to do.
im probably going to end up just reading a fanfic...
which is fine i guess.
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Um, as for news there really isnt any.
my confidence is back to its normal level... which is somewhere in the negatives.
so yeah.
me isnt too happy about that. i was hoping it would stay up for a while, but it only lasted like 2 days...
so that really sucks.
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im really boring today... and i mean like more then usual boring.
i need to find myself a life.
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sorry, me is depressing today.
Justine said i should go see if im clinically depressed... which isnt a bad idea, but then what do i do? ive done the whole meds thing and they dont work with me. i think half of the effect with pills is just that the person thinks its going to work so it works you know. i mean im sure the pills do help, but some of it is just if you believe that it will work or not. and i refuse to believe that some pill will make my life better. so yeah, pills dont work on me... but i guess it would be nice to know if im clinically depressed. i mean it would explain a lot... Hm, i bet i could just look up what it means to be clinically depressed and just see if i fit the description. and then just say that i am... i mean i probably am. Justines clinically depressed and she said that im "a very depressing person." i mean if i can make a clinically depressed person more depressed, then ive gotta be REALLY depressing... so yeah, im not gonna waste my money on some doc, i'll just consider myself clinically depressed.
^_^
yay me!
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sorry, that "yay me" was completely sarcastic.
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Hm, so heres what i found.
Depression is a serious medical condition with a variety of symptoms. Emotional symptoms can include sadness, loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, restlessness, and trouble concentrating or making decisions. Physical symptoms can include fatigue, vague aches and pains, headaches, and changes in weight or sleep patterns. For some, depression can include thoughts of death or suicide.
Hah, i fit that perfectly, i mean i even have worthless as my loveless name. thats great.
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*5 minutes later*
ok me is bored again.
i was hoping that would take up some time but i found it right away.
stupid fast internet.
...
thats a lie, i love fast internet.
*pets computer*
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Hm?
what else is there to talk about.
we could talk about how im such a fucking failure, but i have a feeling none of you would care about that...
Um?
...
yeah ive got nothing.
guess ill go try and find a good yuri to read.
later
sorry i havent posted for a while. me has been lazy. 
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so yeah, yesterday was good. i felt oddly confident for no reason, and i wanted to do something different, but i couldnt think of anything good, so i just went all day with only one bra... cause i usually wear two... yeah i is really stupid... and im only wearing one today too. although none of you really needed to know that... sorry if i scarred any of you with that. -_-
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now for today.
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well its been good i guess. slightly boring, but thats to be expected at school.
*nods*
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oh i had a depressing dream. it was weird cause i kept waking up and hoping that when i fell asleep again it would stop but it never did. and one of the times i woke up talking out load. which was odd. that doesnt happen to me very often... but yeah, waking up depressed is never fun.
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Um... what else.
im getting a new computer. so YAY! we're gonna have a new one and the old one, so the old ones probably going in my room, but i dont think my moms gonna let me have the internet in my room... so that sucks. whats the point in having a computer if you cant go on the internet...
Meh...
Oh im also supposed to go to the mall with my sister sammy this weekend. im going to try and expand my non existing wardrobe. lol. so i REALLY hope that goes well.
*crosses fingers*
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and yeah, i guess thats it for today.
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although i feel like im forgetting something important... i hate that feeling.
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well whatever, if i remember ill just post it tomor-... OMG i remembered. lol, YAY!
i had my last day at physical therapy yesterday. wow, i cant believe i almost forgot that... although now it seems like something that doesnt really matter...
Oh well, me is just glad i remembered.
Bye-bye peoples.
lol, no, its nothing that great.
i think part of why I'm always so depressed is just because i don't trust anyone. so I'm simply going to start trusting people. well only a certain few... yeah, that sounds stupid, but i really think its just that simple. a simple solution for a simple problem. and that means I'm going to stop doubting everyone... or at least I'm going to try. actually i think it'll be pretty easy. I'm good at convincing myself of things, except I've never tried to convince myself of good things... only bad things. so that will be interesting. instead of repeating they hate me in my head multiple times, I'll just have to repeat they like me. lol, yeah I'm REALLY simple minded. ^_^
In a way i guess I'm just setting myself up to get hurt. but i don't think you can really have a happy life unless you take risks you know.
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i don't know. this sounds really stupid now, but it sounded great when i was brushing my teeth this morning. (thats when i first started thinkin about this stuffs) and i was like amazed with this realization.
lol, whatever. i think I'm gonna be at least a little happier now. i just gotta work on thinking positive, and actually believing what people tell me.
*nods*
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although now I'm not sure what I'm gonna say to people. like I'm horrible with taking complements. i always just say that they're lying, but now i wont be able to do that... so what the hell do i say? thanks... that sounds so stupid.
would it be mean to not say anything... it would probably make things awkward.
Meh, i guess its not a big deal, i don't get very many complements anyways.
Oh I'm also going to try to stop dissing myself... at least in front of people. I'll keep those thoughts to myself.
^_^
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yeah, i like this. its gonna be hard, but i like a challenge... thats a lie, i hate challenges... but I'm still gonna do it.
me is motivated for the first time in my life.
^_^
Yay smiles, i don't think I've done any smiley's on here this whole week.
^_^
which by the way, I'm sorry i was so down this week. -_- me just needed to thinks about some stuffs.
and i thought and i have hope... Hm, i feel like i'm gonna jinx myself or something.
ok i was gonna put a pic up but me dont feel like searching for one.
So... me goes now.
BYE-BYE
^_^
