Hi, I'm Apanda! This world will have updates about my life and stuffs. So yeah, it'll be pretty boring... Sorry. -_-
My Loveless name is Worthless.
1. lacking in usefulness or value; "a worthless idler" [ant: valuable]
2. morally reprehensible; "would do something as despicable as murder"; "ugly crimes"; "the vile development of slavery appalled them"; "a slimy little liar" [syn: despicable]
My fruit is mango: Though the outer rind is colourful and deeply hued,
Its kevlar-type resistance cannot be consumed. Deep underneath the reddish orange rind though, is so much soul and nutrient compassion.
My new favorit quote's:
1. “Love is something that you’d get hurt about. Getting hurt, feeling pain... if you don’t feel it, then that’s not love.”
2. "You can never have the same love twice. When one love ends... even if you fall in love with someone else...you can never have the same love again. Even love matures. Its like a flower. Cherish it while it blooms."
Quote by Nanba, from Hana-Kimi For you in full bloom.
3. "Pure love means loving only one woman. Shes the one you hold most precious. She's so dear to you that no other woman would even enter your field of vision."
Quote by Makoto, from W Juliet.
4. "Its like I'm always the only one in love here."
Quote by Yukari, from Paradise Kiss.
5. "Watch for that signal, when life as you know it ends."
Quote by Jerry, from P.S. I Love You.
And now here's a song From the new All American Rejects CD that i really like.
so im out of the hospital now, but i still gots to do the in patient thing. which is just like i have to go to the hospital for a few hours on thursday and friday, so i dont get to go to school. which i was actually looking forward to cause i wanted to see peoples.
*sigh*
i also have to start seeing a therapist... -_- my moms got me an appointment for this friday night. that should be fun.
i got really upset today. and for the first time in a long time i seriously tried to kill myself. and when it didnt work, i decided to just cut the shit out of my arm. afterwards of course, i realized how stupid it was, and i remembered that i cant hide these cuts like the others, so i kinda freaked out even more. so i ended up calling Sammy and asking her to beg my mom not to admit me. but that didnt work. im here right now. in one of the waiting rooms, and i asked if i could go on the internet and they said yes so i was just like OMG i love you. but deviantart doesnt work here. T-T
anyways, at first i was all angry, and depressed and shit, but now im starting to think this is going to be a good thing. i get to get away from my life for a while. isnt that what everyone was telling me to do? to just get away for a while. so here i am. the only thing thats really bugging me is the strip search they're gonna have to do... yeah, thats not gonna be pretty. o_o
so yeah, im probably gonna be in here for a while. at least a week or so. it depends on how good i am and if i follow the rules and crap. at least this time i get my own room. cause gays cant have a roommate...
soo... i guess thats it. i want to apologize to K, i know im worrying you, and i plan to call you once im good enough to get a phone call. if this place is anything like it was the last time i was here then i should be getting it pretty soon, maybe even tomorrow. they're pretty nice here. except that damn strip search... im really not looking forward to that.
*sigh*
i guess ill go now.
im sure everyone at school will be happy that im gone for a while, so they dont have to deal with my depression anymore.
...
later everyone.
or just K, since your the only one who ever comes here anymore.
Drinking wine and thinking bliss, is on the other side of this
I just need a compass and a willing accomplice
All my doubts that fill my head are skidding up and down again
Up and down and round again, down and up and round again.
Oh, I've had my chances and I've taken them all.
Just to end up right back here on the floor.
To end up right back here in on the floor.
Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I'm not scared at all...hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm
The cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.
Sometimes you think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring
Love just needs a witness and a little forgivness
And a halo of patience and a less sporadic pace and
I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes.
Oh I've felt that fire and I've been burned
But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned
I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.
Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I'm not scared at all...hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm
Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.
Irony, irony, this hate and love, hate and love
What it does to me, what it's done to me.
What is done...done
Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Broken mirrors and a black cats cold stare,
Walk under ladders on my way to hell, I'll meet you there.
But I'm not scared at all, hmm...I'm not scared at all.
Bout the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball
im really liking the new Pink CD. so heres a few lyrics.
"It's All Your Fault"
I'd conjure up the thought of being gone
But I'd probably even do that wrong
I try to think about which way
Would I be able to and would I be afraid
Cause oh I'm bleeding out inside
Oh I don't even mind (yeah)
It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold my breath
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not fair
Da da dada da dada da
Da dadadadadada da dadadadadada
I'm trying to figure out what else to say (what else could I say?)
To make you turn around and come back this way
(Would you just come back this way)
I feel like we could be really awesome together
So make up your mind cause it's now or never (oh)
It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold my breath
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not fair
I would never pull the trigger
But I've cried wolf a thousand times
I wish you could
Feel as bad as I do
I have lost my mind
It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold (I hold) my breath (my breath)
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air (running out of air)
And it's not fair
(Oh yeah
It's all your fault)
I hold my breath
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not (it's not) fair
"Mean"
You use to hold the door for me
now you can't wait to leave
You use to send me flowers if
you fucked up in my dreams
I use to make you laugh
with all the silly shit I did
now you roll your eyes and
walk away and shake your head
When the spark has gone and the candles are out
and the song is done and there's no more sound
whispers turn to yelling and I'm thinking
[Chorus:]
How do we get so mean? How do we just move on?
How do you feel in the morning
when it comes and everythings undone?
Is it 'cause we wanna be free? Well that's not me.
Normally I'm so strong
I just can't wake up on the floor
like a thousand times before
knowing that forever won't be
I'm always sentimental when I think of how it was
when love was sweet and new and we just couldn't get enough
The shower, it reminds me you'd undress me with your eyes
and now you never touch me and you tell me that you're tired
You know it gets so sad when it all goes bad
and all you think about is all the fun you've had
and all those "sorry"'s ain't never gonna mean a thing
[Chorus]
I know we said some things that we can never take back
We opened up the wine and we just let it breathe
but we should've drank it down while it was still sweet
It all goes bad eventually
Now do we stay together 'cause we're scared to be alone
We got so used to this abuse it kind of feels like home
but my baby I just really wanna know oh.
im rereading breaking dawn, and i just read this part that i had marked off from the last time i read it, and i think it fits how i feel perfectly, so here it is.
“I didn’t want to see this, didn’t want to think about this. I didn’t want to imagine him inside her. I didn’t want to know that something I hated so much had taken root in the body I loved. My stomach heaved, and I had to swallow back vomit.”
yeah... i really need to just die and get it over with.
