ok so i borrowed my lil sis's MP3 player today. cause i had a feeling today would suck just like all the other days, (and i finished that book so i have nothing to read) and guess what i was right. *sigh* id do the whole lol thing, but i cant even work up a good fake laugh right now. i really suck.
but tomorrow im going to go see my doc and ask for the strongest meds they've got. and actually, im kinda hoping they dont work, so then i can say i was right. cause those types of meds never seem to work for me. but then again im also hoping they do work cause im sick of feeling like shit and crying and being angry all the time. so yeah. i guess i do hope they work...
...
anyways, back to the music. today was the first time i had ever listened to music during class all secretive like, and i liked it. i like the way it feels to just watch everyone else go on with there lives all happy like while i just sit there stuck in time listening to music watching them. its the oddest feeling, and it kinda makes me more depressed, but i like it.
...
Hm, oh i wrote a poem during history today. and while i was writing it i liked it,(its kinda a sexual poem) but when i re-read it in art it just seemed stupid and embarrasing. and it is just stupid and embarrasing, so im not gonna put it up cause it would also probably disgust some people. im seriouse, there would be gagging and everything... im just happy i was able to get some of my feelings out on paper.
oh and heres a question, has anybody here ever been angry, depressed... and horny all at the same time? its quite a wierd feeling, and im really not liking it. its getting harder to restrain myself from doing and saying things that i really dont want to say... or do... i guess.
and ill end there for today.
after this pic
later
