I really dont wanna go to sleep. right now its exactly 11:11 and im already tired, but im to scared to go to sleep. the dreams are getting worse, and more vivid... So of course ive been getting more and more depressed.
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*sigh*
i feel like writing one of my long depressing, emotional posts, but whats the point. hardly anyone ever actually comes here anymore. Heh, i probably scared them all off with my depressed, self abusing personality... its no wonder why nobody wants me. like always its my fault, all my fucking fault... i really wanna say that im just gonna give up on everything, but i know thats just gonna hurt even more... i mean thats all i ever do, i just give up. ive given up on everything my whole life and now ive finally found something that i want to keep trying at and im not getting anywhere. if anything ive just been making things worse. actually even right now, typing this, its probably just going to make things even worse.
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sorry, ik i just said i wasnt gonna type up one of my pity posts... im just trying to waste time so i dont have to go to sleep. even though im about to pass out right now. i stayed up till 3 something last night but then i finally ran out of things to do, so i just went to bed.
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ive been wanting to try writing a yuri story latly, but once i actually sit down with a pen and paper i just lose all my motivation... im sure the whole being depressed thing isnt helping. but im really gonna try tonight. if i dont pass out first.
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now i guess i should talk about my day. all i really did was read, its the only thing that really keeps my mind off of reality. that and if i can get into a good anime, but i havent been able to find any good ones latly. i also went and saw the happening with my mom today, and it was complete crap. totally not worth $2. but whatever, it was a good way to waste some time i guess. thats seems to be all i do anymore, just keeping myself busy... oh and this really doesnt matter, but i think im starting to gain my wieght back. well i dont think, i know. lol, i just havent been very motivated latly, and i tend to eat when im depressed or angry. and sense thats all ive been feeling lately thats all ive been doing. which really sucks. its taken me so long to get to where i am now and it feels like its all just been a waste of time. i mean theres really no reason for me to want to lose wieght anyways. sense im gonna be alone the rest of my life whats the point in trying to look good. i might as well eat what i want to right... its not like anyone cares.
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whatever, sorry for the pity post.
and heres a depressing picture. yay...
i fucking hate my life.
