yeah even though i got to spend some time with michelle, and go over to justines place for a few minutes im still extremely depressed... and i really just feel like curling up into a ball in some corner and crying my eyes out for a good hour or so... maybe that would help make the pain go away.
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i dont even know what the problem is, i mean nothing new has happened. just the normal depressing shit. im really sick of feeling this way... and i know this is gonna sound over dramatic, but ive really been thinking about ending it. just ending everything. but i already know im not capable of that. theres always that "what if" in the back of my mind like, what if things got better, what if i end up happy some day with someone, what if all my efforts arent a complete waste of time and things turn out the way i want them to in the end...
yeah, theres definetly no way id be able to kill myself... but i am starting to think that itd be easier... and i cant even do anything about it now. like before when i just cut and stuff. now i dont even want to do that because i have that little sliver of hope that things might work out, and i dont want to fuck up my body any more then it already is... sorry, i know im just complaining and being over dramatic, but i really just needed to get this all out. i cant really talk to anyone about this stuff in person, so i thought i might as well just put it up here for nobody to see... cause nobody fucking comes here anymore.
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yeah i think im just gonna go now, before i start swearing and bitching about that.
hopefully i will talk to you all later.
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sorry, i guess thats kind of a morbid joke.
later... probably.
