hi.
well i finally got some alone time with the internet. so i planned on watchin some dirty stuffs... (sorry) but i think i just tramatized myself with some of the things i saw. AND I DIDNT EVEN WATCH ANY OF THEM! i just saw the covers or little gifs. God im such a loser... BUT ITS SO GROSS!!!
*sigh*
whatever, it doesnt really matter right, its not like its something i really needed to do. -_-
anyways...
how is everybody else doing?
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Hm, it doesnt really matter but im not doing that great... yesterday when i got home my mom told me that my lil sis has been talking about suicide and stuff at school. i guess one of her teachers called her... but yeah, i guess shes been getting picked on at school a lot. and my mom said that its my fault too. cause im always so depressed and cause korie knows that i cut and stuff... and cause i call her names, and tell her i hate her...
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so i dont know what to do now. mom just said to be nice to her and try to talk to her about it but im no good at that. im no good at being a big sister, i always just let sammy take care of her you know, cause shes the oldest and actually knows what shes doing. ill just end up hurting her more...
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and you know i think my moms just trying to put this on me cause she doesnt want to be the one to blame. i mean i guess i feel kinda bad for her. me and sammy both ended up being suicidal at one point and now korie is too. she probably thinks shes a horrible parent... that shes doing something wrong...
maybe she did raise us wrong. maybe this is all her fault. maybe she shouldnt have had us to begin with, sense were all so miserable anyways... is it wrong to think like that, to hate the person who gave birth to you... im the one whos horrible.
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i mean there are plenty of people out there who hate they're parents, but at least most of them have good reason to. im just being selfish... and mean. shes really not a bad parent, she just cares to much. maybe its the kids that are messed up these days... maybe the parents really are right.
Hah, although in real life id never admit that they were ever right...
Sorry, i probably shouldnt be posting about this, but i wouldnt have been able to say any of this to anyone in person. and i needed to tell someone about it... i cant keep things bottled up any more. or at least i dont like to so i try not to. but maybe its best if i just keep this kinda stuff to myself...
I'm sorry.
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ill try to make my next post a happier one ok.
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bye
