Life can be hard. Right now, I'm having a really hard time, and even though I try to make light of the situation and keep a happy demeanor, on the inside I'm suffering and I don't know if I should just let it out and cry. Recently, I've been having all sorts of health problems. On the night of February 28th, I was taken to urgent care at the hospital and diagnosed with severe anemia and menorrhagia. My blood count was so low that night, I was pretty much dying. I had to have an immediate blood transfusion; they gave me 4 pints of blood. I was kept in the hospital until Tuesday night. During that time, I had to do so many tests, one of which was an ultrasound. The result of the ultrasound showed that I have a large mass coming from my left ovary. It's between 17cm and 20cm, and I was told that for my size, that's rather large. It's some kind of cyst, but the doctors aren't sure what type, so I have to have surgery to get it out so they can look at it and determine what it is.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I've been trying to be strong about this whole thing, especially for my mom who's been so upset and has been crying since I was admitted into the hospital. But when the doctor tells you that you need surgery, that they might have to remove one of your ovaries, that there's a possiblity of a hysterectomy, it's so hard to stay calm, it's so hard not to cry. I'm so scared that I won't be able to have kids. And on top of that, the doctor wants to do the surgery within the next 2-3 weeks, but I'm still in school. She said I would have to stay home for 6 weeks, and I won't be able to complete the semester. I'm just so frustrated by that, even though I've already talked to my professors and they said we can work something out. I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't know how to feel, I don't know what to think.

I'm not as strong as I thought I was...