She new he hated her, that was undoubtable, she new that she wanted to die, and she wanted him to be the one to kill her, wanted him to be the one to have her blood stain his sword, so that dieing would be like a painless bliss, but wat she saw in his eyes that night certainly wasn't hate, it was an emotion that she couldn't put her finger on, but hate, not even anger, shined in his amber eyes that night, wen he saw her unpure skin
This wasn't right, it couldn't be right, the first day back was simaler, but no were near as bad as this, how could he help her? He didn't even have any clue why she was acting this way, he just new that it had to stop, he couldn't bare it anymore, espically not after wat she just did, it made him sick, and made him hurt, his fists clenched and unclenched, he didn't even no how to talk to her right now, he had tried being rough as usual, but it ended up hurting HIM not HER, not that he ever wanted to hurt her, he would never do that, he would never be so cruel and heartless, but this had gone too far, he glanced at the closed closet door, and refelcted on wat had happened only moments ago, he had tried to get answers out of her, he had said in a rough voice, "Talk to me Rukia!" and then she looked at him with broken, amythest eyes and wispered, "Ichigo, please, please leave me alone, please," it was more of a breath than a wisper, and she then climbed back in the closet and shut the door, that made his resolve flare in his eyes, in only a few steps he was at the closet door, wich he slammed open, before he could speak, he was shocked to find her like this, she wasn't weak, she was far from it, more than strong, so seeing her curled up like this made him ache, she looked up, her eyes were tired and held the same empty sorrow that they had held for the past few days, "Yes?" she asked, he cleared his thoughts and said, "Rukia, come here," she looked at him for a moment, "No," she said, almost soundlessly, he tugged her out of the closet and told her, "Come on Rukia," "No! I don't want to!" she cried, he held her arms by her side and sat her down on the bed next to him, "Rukia, please, talk to me," he said sweetly, she looked away, "Please Ichigo," she breathed, "don't make me do this, please, don't make me, please!" it hurt him so badly to hear her begging him like this, but he had to, he had to keep pressing, because he new that if he didn't something would go wrong, he new that wen Rukia acted weird- not even as bad as this, just being a little too quiet one day- it meant that something was incredably wrong, so he had to keep going, "Rukia, please tell me," Rukia's small fists gripped the sheets and then ungripped, and the process repeated a few times, as if she was having a mental war
The things going on inside her head were so painfull, the one side of her, the side that she never showed and tried to keep bottled up, was screaming at her, begging her to tell him everything and let him work his magic on her, let him heal these battle scars with his soothing powers, let him help, how she would love to give in to that side, to let herself sink into the feel of his soft, soothing reiatsu, to let his hands work every cell of her to relaxation, and to just be with him and become his ragdoll, she never got to do that, but she wanted to, to just sleep there, curled up with him, to let him protect her, to just let him, but her other side was telling her not to tell him anything, he dosen't need that burden, that was the main reason, and the thoughts of his reaction were going to decide wich side won, he hated her, she was sure, absolutly, it all depended on his reaction, if he was going to act sweet, then she wouldn't be able to NOT go with the first side, but if not, if he would be angry at her like she was sure he would be, then she would go with the second option, so for now she would test him, "Ichigo, if I ask you something, will you tell me the truth?" the question caught him off guard, "Ofcourse I will," he replied honestly, "Do you hate me?" she asked, just under a wisper, that caught him off guard even more, "Wat?! No! Ofcourse not! How could you think that?!" "Do you mean that?" "Ofcourse I do!" "Thank you," she got up, but felt his grip tighten around her rist, "Theres more Rukia, please, tell me everything," he pleaded, she sat down again, he brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, and then he noticed it for the first time, "Rukia," he wispered, and she new he saw it, she bit her lip, "Im sorry," she wispered, she was afraid to look at him, but wen he didn't speak for a few minutes, she turned and saw how broken his eyes were, "Ichigo I'm sorry!" She pleaded, begging for him to understand, but the next thing she new, his arms were wrapped tightly around her, "Why are YOU sorry?" he asked,
"Because, because,-" "No, there isn't a reason, you just put the blame for everything on yourself, Rukia, are you ok?" she had to think about that for a moment, was she ok? True, she had a small scar by her eye, true that it got there wen that thug had punched her and his ring had dameged her skin, but she didn't care about that, the question was, was she going to break? Was it too much? Could she handle his delayed reaction? "I'm fine," she lied, "You're lieing Rukia," she didn't respond, "Does it hurt?" "No," that was the truth if nothing else was, "Are you ok, Rukia? Please tell me the truth, please," hearing him ask that, those words, she couldn't do it anymore, she couldn't keep up the act anymore, that hidden part of her was going to speak, it was going to be released, and she was too broken to care, "No, I'm not ok," Ichigo finally let go of her, but caught her rist and pulled her forward, laying her on his chest, "I want to change that," Ichigo told her, "Ichigo, sometimes I want to die," she admitted, there was no escape now, once she stopped fighting, and that flood gate opened in her heart, she couldn't stop untill all the water had drained, but how could she not tell him? He had trapped her, it had started wen he embraced her like that, his reasitu was surronding her then, but she was strong enough to hold up, untill now, wen he drapped her upper body over him and she felt the cloth of his shirt under her face, and the thunping of his heart under her hand, and his soft, soothing reasitu engolfed her, it was if she was drowning, but it was a nice kind of drowning, the kind that you don't want to escape from, it was a sweet, soothing kind of drowning,
"Rukia," he said, his vioce was so shoccked and broken, she didn't want to see his eyes, those beautifull amber crystals full of pain and brokenness, she just couldn't bare that, it would hurt her too much, "Rukia, why?" was all he could manege, she wanted to die? How could she feel like that? Was she really that miserable? He felt devistated, like the earth had stopped spinning, but he was somehow able to ignore that feeling as soon as she spoke, "Because I've caused too much pain, Ichigo," his arms instinctivly tightened around her, "No you haven't, Rukia, you don't understand, you haven't caused any pain," "Yes I have," "No you haven't," Rukia wiggled her way out of Ichigo's arms, she stood in the middle of the room, "Ichigo! Don't you see!? I've caused too much blood to be spilt! Too many tears to be shed! It's all my fault!" Ichigo leaped off the bed and embraced her, smothering her head in his shoulder, he stroked her hair with his free hand, "Stop it Rukia, you aren't to blame for any of it," "But-" her voice was muffled by his shirt, "No," Ichigo said simply, lifting her face from his shoulder, "Ichigo," she wispered, "That's enough now Rukia, no more," "But-" he stopped her, pressing his lips firmly against her's, he pulled away all too soon, Rukia was still waiting for the blissfull kiss to continue, but it didn't, he embraced her tightly, "Who hit you?" he wispered, hit? Oh yeah, she had been hit, she had forgotten, "Don't no," she mumbeled, that was ok, he recognized the ring mark, kinda, he took Rukia's hand and lead her to the bed, were they layed down together, he kissed her hair, "I'm tired Ichigo," she said, "Me too," Ichigo got up for just a moment and turned out the light, it had started raining outside, Rukia couldn't see in the dark but felt Ichigo's hand gently pressing her head back down on his chest, she felt him bury his lips in her hair, and heard him say, "Goodnight Rukia, I love you," and she suddenly felt that overwelming bliss take control of her, "Goodnight Ichigo, I love you too," she replied, and she new he heard her, because she felt his lips search her face, she finally turned and allowed his lips to find her's, and that night, and from then on, she was filled with irresistable bliss