BAHAHAH IT'S BEEN WAY TOO LONG I WAS JUST DOING MATH AND I THOUGHT "OH CRAP I MISS THEOTAKU I'VE BEEN MISSING THE OTAKU AND IT'S TIME TO GO BACK OH GOSH IT'S TIME"
I am so so so sorry for being gone for the past few months, I didn't even check in periodically!
Guys, please know that I think about you really often and I consider you good friends. Just because I may have let a thick layer of dust settle over this account here doesn't mean I'm not thinking of you :>
I've been facing some challenges with my health lately, physically and mentally. For a while I was diagnosed with a type of autoimmune disease (my immune system develops antibodies against itself, and attacks itself). It really brought me under the weather-- I even had to travel across the world to see an immunologist.
Apparently none of the doctors here agreed with my diagnosis, and instead said it was severe de-conditioning, perhaps a serious long-lasting virus that repaired itself over time, or low thyroid count.
I got really discouraged for a while and, uh, my sickness came with depression, and with that the anxiety I've had for all of my life worsened with it. I felt so incredibly fatigued that I would be panting after climbing up a flight of stairs and couldn't turn the lock on my locker in the mornings. I'd get extremely dizzy and sweaty and see nothing but white spots floating in my vision just by standing up from my desk. My dreams got so vivid and disturbing that every morning I felt more tired than I did before going to bed.
In January I couldn't handle it anymore and I started cutting... It ended in an accident where I slashed open my left middle finger almost to the fat tissue. It was just gushing blood like a faucet... And guys, please do not make the stupid mistake I did. It required stitches, but by the time I decided to go to the clinic it was too late, and it was kept in a splint and took weeks to heal.
Even 4 months later, though it looks almost normal, it hurts to press it, and that has put a damper on my piano playing.
Obviously I was taken to a psychiatrist, on meds and I'm seeing a therapist now. And slowly things are going uphill. And down again, but ultimately, slowly, up.
Yesterday after 4 months without cutting I picked up a knife from the kitchen (I told my mom to hide all the razors). My brother saw me and stopped me after chasing me around the block (of course I'd dropped the knife immediately; I was just too embarrassed to face him and sort of took a walk...). I actually had a respiratory infection and a fever, and I got so disconnected I was sprinting for 1/4 a mile or so. Aaaand now all knives in the house are hidden.
I got baptized on Easter, March 31st. Things are getting better, sometimes I just lose my cool, eheh. I'm getting there.
Well well that was rather upsetting XD perhaps this sounds more crazy than the last few paragraphs but please don't worry about me, I am getting help and it's friends who help me most (: and i really do like my therapist, and she's been a huge help to me. Please don't feel it necessary to act as a therapist for me, because friends are friends and therapists are therapists (a big mistake I've made in the past, taking on others' problems as my own). I really don't lose my cool often anymore, yesterday was just a bit... Blah. It's a struggle but y'know.
At any rate, how've you been? I don't consider myself much of an otaku anymore, but I'll keep coming back for you guys. Hahah now I'm more addicted to books, movies and TV XD Lord of the rings, Sherlock, supernatural, doctor who, things of that sort. Oh, and theatre and performing! I'm a bit of a newbie to that but I love love love musicals.
The thing is now the main site I use is tumblr (my blog is pifflepickle), and occasionally deviantArt (link in the introduction). So please follow me or drop me a note at either one so we can keep in touch more! :-D
