I don't expect anyone to read this. Or care. It's just me ranting. So whatever. Who gives a shit, anyway? ..I just need to vent or I'm going to explode.
Seriously...Am I not worth anything to anyone? Would anyone even give me the time of day? Or take me seriously? Or even THINK about me when they don't have to? When I'm not standing right in front of them, waving my arms in their faces?
This week...I have never felt so horrible...I've never felt so ignored, so stupid, so hopeless...And today just topped the cake..I've made an utter fool out of myself..Over and fucking over again. But who cares, really..? Nobody gives a fucking damn--So why should I? I wish it was that easy and I could just stop caring about everything.
But I don't even know what to say...How can I say how I feel and make sense? Everyone will probably just think I'm over reacting, or I'm too easily bothered. But you know what? I am. I get hurt easily, I feel left out easily...All week, I've hardly been able to hold a conversation with my friends--online AND off--without being completely left out of the loop...completely ignored. I hate not being able to relate to these things...I hate being busy so much...today has been one of the few times that I've actually been able to get on the computer...I've been studying to the point of exhaustion, praying to pass my exams...which no one seems to understand how DIRE it is that I pass. I'll be fucked if I fail ONE thing...one single thing, and I can kiss college goodbye, I bet. Who would honestly want to accept an idiot like me? My grades are mediocre, and It's not like my skills are anything astounding.
I don't even want to go to school tomorrow..I'm not even excited about Christmas break. All I'll be doing is sitting on my ass...even if I get on the computer, how am I so sure people are even going to take the time to talk to me?
Whatever...I can't even write anymore...all it sounds like is bitching.