Yep, another post for today.
It's hard to believe that my graduation is literally just around the corner. In three days, I will be over and done with grade school. That's what I'm hoping for at least.
It's been a hard, long journey--and to be honest I wish that I had traveled a different road than I have been. I've been lazy and neglectful for as long as I can remember when it came to school. I've never really liked school, after all, there's no real reason to in my eyes. I'm not particularly a social butterfly, I'm easily distracted, I day dream, I hate being confined...I'm so glad to be free from this iron wrought cage that I was stuffed into and expected to SOAK the knowledge that would never help me in the future. As if I care what 'y' or 'x' equals...as if I really want to find the molarity of an ionic element or whatever the hell they want. And yet, it's those very things that will keep me from graduating if I don't find them. The pressure is building, and I don't know whether to scream until my ears bleed, or cry until I just can't anymore. I want to make my parents proud SO so badly...and I can't even express how much I owe them. For being patient with me, for being there to cheer me on or give me that shove I need to get myself on track again.
I'm tired of making my mom cry from grief, I'm ready to see her cry because she's proud of me..I'm ready to stop giving my mom and dad gray hairs.
On the offhand of me being so excited about graduation..I'm also extremely terrified. What awaits me in the future? What if I'm not successful? What do I want to DO with myself? There's so much I still don't know to prepare me for the 'grown-up' life. I don't want to experience the dreaded reality-checks..I need some sort of survival guide that will plot everything out for me and save me from completely screwing myself over.
I'm hoping this summer will go really well..I'm worried about finding a job, and paying my parents back...I'm kind of annoyed with myself for asking them for money all the time when I already owe them plenty. God, I'm such a horrible child. I wish there was a way to get money fast...Hopefully I can get that VOLT job or whatever it is...and hopefully it pays good. I won't even care about the hours...most of my friends will probably be gone on vacation anyway. Plus, bottom line I need money. I need to pay my parents back, buy new clothes, pay for college, buy my costumes for the future anime conventions, pay for said conventions...Lord, can I just please win the lottery? That would be great.
I'm really hoping to loose some weight over the summer too..I need to start pushing myself to do so..I've got a bit of extra junk in my trunk that I want to get rid of...I'll be starting a whole new chapter of my life, after all..so I'd like to start in a way that will give me a boost of confidence. Or something like that anyway.
Alright, I need to study for chemistry...because I can't afford to get lower than a 70..hopefully that won't be TOO hard to achieve.
