- Created By bellpickle
college fail. :(
So my grades suck ass. ;___;
Well... it's more like, I'm definitely going to be getting more B's than A's this semester. And it turns out that I failed my Cross-Cultural Psych essay exam, which is a class that I thought I was doing well in. Gah, I shouldn't have taken that 1 on Easiness on ratemyprof so lightly! What makes it worse is, I have another essay exam on Tuesday. And she says my writing is the problem... so even if I study my butt off, that won't necessarily get me a good grade. And of course, the fact that I'm legitimately struggling in this class (as opposed to just being lazy & unmotivated like in my PoliSci class) makes me want to RUN AWAY FROM IT EVEN MORE. ;__________;
I was seriously freaking out last Sunday and Monday because I also found out at the same time that my Psych prof gave me a 70 for my mid-semester participation grade. (I talked to my prof a few days ago, and basically, she seems to forget many of the times that I volunteer. THE FUCK.) I spent a loooot of time stressing out and crying during those two days. Something that def. made things better: at the start of Chinese class on Monday, DHB randomly handed me a Twix bar. It wasn't until after class that I really looked at it and noticed writing on the front and back of the wrapper.
"Don't worry! Be happy! Everything's going to be fine!"
"You will be alive tomorrow and your friends will still love you. You're strong and you will survive! :)"
The second comment was written by DHB and the first was by DHB's other friend. Yes, the other friend that I've been bitching about for the past month or so. It would be a lot easier if that girl were bossy and moody all the time to everyone, so that I could resent her in peace. But no, she does things like this and forces me to admit how unjustified my bitterness is. :(
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On a better note: I went to my first legit. haunted house yesterday @ the Mansfield Reformatory, where The Shawshank Redemption was filmed. It was very spontaneous and very, very nearly did not happen. But I'm glad it did, in the end! I went with DHB, my roommate, and an upperclassmen friend of ours. I was expecting a bunch of Silent Hill-looking monsters to be popping out everywhere, but thankfully, it wasn't that intense. Though I was somewhat miserable throughout the first part b/c I didn't wear proper running shoes. So my shoes were constantly on the verge of falling off my feet when running/being dragged by my friends away from the chainsaw men and such. And I ended up smacking face-first into the chest of one of the actors chasing after us. >_>;;
EDIT: Also worth mentioning: yesterday while driving to Mansfield, I had a short conversation with one of DHB's high school friends on his cellphone. Today, I met a different h.s. friend of his in person. Not to mention that I also met DHB's father (and his dog, lol) for the first time last weekend. This is all kind of... strange. Esp. regarding his h.s. friends, since those are people who I thought I would always hear about, but would never actually meet...
This is why I'm going crazy.
I ended up staying up until about 5AM last night. I was at a friend's apartment at the time, so I decided to just sleep over since my 9AM class was relatively close by. DHB was still studying and asked why I didn't ask our host for a blanket if I was planning to sleep over. I just said I didn't need one and went to sleep in a spare room.
So this morning, I woke up groggy and a little disappointed that DHB was nowhere to be found. And my logical half said, "Of course he's gone. He wasn't going to snuggle up next to you in the middle of the night, like a creeper!" I turned over, and only then did I realize that a very familiar blanket was covering me.
DHB won a red blanket at bingo last year, and that thing is like a fucking security blanket with the way he clings on to it. It actually annoys me sometimes, because there have been days when I've wanted to bundle it up and use it as a pillow or something, but he never lets me. So when I saw that same blanket neatly laid over me, my mind spun for a loop. I distinctly remember the words "eh??" and "but why is..." flashing through my head. I ended up just hugging the blanket close to me... and then doing so over and over again like some twisted fangirl once I got back to my own dorm.
I keep telling myself that moments like these are probably not unique to me... because in all likeliness, he would be this kind to his other close friends as well and not just me. (Which, let's face it, is what I secretly hope.) But it's hard not to feel happy by these small things that just seem so important to me.
lol forced segue
Hmmmmm. So the past few days have been interesting (in a good way). I feel much better about my situation, and even if this feeling is temporary, it's still nice to feel calm for once. :)
Now the only thing I'm still worrying about are my grades. Bleeeh. At least I got an A- in one of my other midterms. :D ......Though I still have a C in my other class. D:
Thought many of you would find this funny. I went to a large shopping mall in Columbus with DHB on Friday night, and when leaving...
Me: It looks like Hot Topic has become The Twilight Store.
Him: Ugh. I really do not like how that franchise is being treated.
Me: ?
Him: It's like... a turd that people look at and say, "Look at this magnificent turd." It's a turd that they're putting on a pedestal.
Me: ...I think most companies just treat it like a cash cow.
Him: That's true... it's a magical turd that lays golden eggs.
I'm totally seeing New Moon, btw. :3
Though DHB might be less enthused to see New Moon with me, the two of us did go see a movie on Friday called Paranormal Activity. Unlike DHB, I'm not much a fan of horror movies, but this one I actually really liked. It's not as intensely scary as some of the ads would lead people to believe, but it IS well-made (esp. considering the budget) and entertaining.
These are the audience reactions (sound only) of an audience at Seattle during the most scream-inducing part of the movie. The audience of my theater reacted in much the same way. I was a pussy and looked away during the very last part. (Which is something I still regret! I don't often look away. :( )
EDIT; Oh, and it's the type of movie that's better the less you know about it. DO NOT watch the official trailer! Aside from it being super cheesy, it might ruin parts of the movie for you, if you ever plan to see it. :(
Urrrgh.
Today was not that great of a day. And from the looks of things, it could either get better or worse. (Probably at least a little bit of both.)
It's torture, putting myself in situations that I KNOW will make me feel awkward--so much so that I want nothing more than to leave that very moment, crawl into bed, and hug my pillow--and all other sorts of emotions that I would much rather suppress. But I must do these things in order to get over... this. Because avoiding things does not help in the long run.
Lately, I've been wondering what's worse: feeling the way I do now or being completely apathetic.
And to make things worse, I got one of my midterms back today, in the class I've been least motivated in, and I got a solid C. Which is the worst grade I've gotten at Kenyon so far. Not that I didn't have it coming, but. Urgh.
Random and cryptic post, I know, but I think it helps to spontaneously write these things out sometimes. :(
EDIT: ALTHOUGH, things have been getting better, so don't take this soapbox moment too seriously. But it's still difficult to have to deal with everything on a day-to-day basis. Many current friendships, and not even just my issues with DHB, have been so confusing and different lately. So many of my friends have had falling outs, have made new friends I don't (yet?) know, have grown much closer to each other (but not me) in the blink of an eye, and many friends I hardly see anymore. Hell, I found out that one of my closest friends here is probably transferring next semester. It's just... difficult, all of it.
:D
GUYZ, MY NEW LAYOUT IS CONDUCIVE TO BUTTSECKS
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO--And to think that I need to start studying today.
Something to make my post more worthwhile:
