- Created By bellpickle
My Best Friend
(Written right at the last damn minute. Just like college!)
It's really shocking when I realize just how much I've changed in the past year. In a lot of ways, I feel like I'm a completely different person. My work ethic is much better, I feel more independent and balanced as a person, and most importantly, I'm much happier overall. I have friends who I feel I can open up to about things I would never tell anyone before college, not even my mother, who I used to consider myself closest to. But of all my new friends, there's one person who sticks out in my life more than anyone else, more than family, even.
People who read my posts regularly the past year have already heard of (over and over again) a boy I've nicknamed DHB. My friendship with him started as an ill-fated crush that eventually gave way to a purely platonic relationship. But even months and months after I knew any sort of romance between us was impossible, my feelings for him felt so strong that I wondered if I was (and I'm not using these words lightly here) in love with him despite the futility of it.
I had never cared about someone before nearly as much as I cared about him. I don't obsess over other people's feelings the way my mother or sister or countless other people amongst my relatives do; I've never been that person who goes completely out of my way for people just because it's in my nature to do so. Yet DHB was the one exception to this rule. I thought about him constantly. If he didn't eat lunch because he had work to do, I would bring food to his room; if he mentioned off-hand that he was craving a particular candy, I would buy it for him on the way back to the dorm from class; I absolutely could not stand the thought of him being upset at or annoyed with me and could hardly think about anything else if I thought he was. A lot of acquaintances assumed the two of us were dating or made jokes about it because of how close the two of us appeared to be.
Of course, my near-obsession with him (which grew worse as the school year proceeded) had serious drawbacks. But at the same time, I could never say that I regret being friends with him because, even though my friendship with him is sometimes exhausting emotionally, my life is much better with him in it rather than without. He's one of the only people in my life who I know would never, ever intentionally do or say anything that would hurt me. And not because he's the nicest person in the world; he has said insulting things about friends behind their backs, and with certain friends, he does it constantly. But I know he wouldn't do that to me. He cares about me a lot, and he doesn't even need to say it for me to know; I can sense it and I'm sure he can sense that I feel the same way.
Even though, like any person, he has many flaws, including some flaws that end up hurting me, I accept him just the way he is. And I know he also "likes me just the way I am..." (Albeit tipsy at the time he said it, but I don't think it was an alcohol-induced lie. ^-^;) And as some of my other friends have told me, the ability to say that to another person and honestly mean it is something to be cherished.
As for whether I'm in love with him or not... I honestly don't know. I've never been in love before, but at the same time, I've never had a friend this close either. For now, I'm trying to take the Tomoyo (CCS) approach; if he's happy, then I'm happy, even if he's off being happy with someone else. But I guess I can't say for sure until it actually happens...
Old school
I'm on the fifth episode of Touch (sort of a predecessor to Cross Game), and I can't even remember the last time I felt so frustrated while watching a show. Honestly, I'm so frustrated that my eyes are tearing up.
And I mean all that in a very, very good way. More on this once I get further into the series, but I gotta say, the manga-ka who wrote both this and Cross Game really knows what the hell he's doing. No wonder this show is so famous in Japan!
But seriously, if the lead character doesn't get his ass in gear and DO something soon, I might just punch my computer screen.
While on the topic of vintage anime, I've been wanting to watch The Dog of Flanders for years (IIRC, since middle school!), but I've always been afraid that it will make me cry myself to sleep and curse the world forever. Did anyone reading this have the heart to watch the whole thing? :/
I've also been re-watching the crap out of Cardcaptor Sakura lately (a.k.a. the show where everyone is gay and underage), which I've realized is a lot more fun to watch when you know about Touya and Yukito from the get-go. CLAMP just makes it too damn easy; you can tell that they enjoy their own fanservice as much as their readers do. :P
I LOVE CROSS GAME
I JUST HAVE TO SAY IT. I LOVE THIS FUCKING MANGA/ANIME. AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE BASEBALL.
REAL POST COMING SOON.
I HAVE BACTERIAL BRONCHITIS.
Which, according to WebMD, is more rare and more dangerous than viral bronchitis. I can't even remember the last time I had a 102 degree fever! :(
So I guess this is the "phenomenal" something that will keep me from writing my BFF lovepost for the fan word challenge for a least a couple more days... as well as keep me from going to my cousin's ballet recital tomorrow. Fucking bronchitis. :(
EDIT: Speaking of BFF loveposts, DHB just sent me a facebook message from China which included this nugget of wisdom:
so i finally got internet access the other day at my uncle's house while on his computer, so i took my chance and when i was alone tried to get to pornypornpornporn (i have been deprived for a long while)
Boys are so cultured!
Since break started
Foods I've eaten (that are worth mentioning) since returning to Chicago:
- Thai restaurant #1
- Spanish (tapas)
- Japanese hotpot
- Conveyor belt sushi
- Korean
- Vietnamese
- Intelligentsia coffee, haha
- Thai restaurant #2
- Thai restaurant #3
I've also attended ACen (as everyone already knows), a Green ("going Green") festival, and saw the new modern wing of the Art Institute. My mother apparently has difficulty appreciating modern art of any kind, even ones that are more than just paint blots on a canvas. >_>;
Anime & movies I've watched/been watching since break started:
- Eden of the East
- Basquash! (dropped)
- Cross Game
- Baccano!
- Code Geass R2
- The Reader
- Wanted
- Slumdog Millionaire for the 3rd freakin time
- What Women Want >_>;
- Star Trek
- WILL BE SEEING UP. Also will prob. stream or rent Terminator Salvation, Wolverine & Drag me to Hell
I've also added 150-ish more songs to my iPod this past week and have realized how much my musical tastes have expanded these past couple years. :)
For example...
Two songs I've been listening to a lot the past few days. And that first artist is someone I didn't "get" at all a couple years back.
...So yeah, my life hasn't been terribly eventful these past couple weeks, haha. Though it's been nice just bumming around for a while, and I've managed to keep myself semi-busy just by cooking for myself/doing grocery shopping and going to the gym everyday, so at least I don't feel totally slothful. And I just KNOW next summer is going to suck horse ballz, since chances are I'll be taking an intensive Chinese language program at Middlebury or someplace similar. (And language pledges are the definition of something that sucks horse ballz. :/) So here's to my last laidback summer in who knows how long!
.....And I managed to squirt Gogurt all over myself and my shirt while reading over this post. And some of it even got onto my bra! WTF. How does that even happen.
Unless something phenomenal happens, MY NEXT POST WILL BE MY RESPONSE TO SANGOME'S FAN WORD CHALLENGE. Because if I don't say so now, I may never get to it!
